The way you make me feel is incredible. Nothing like the first, nothing like the second, I may have loved them but, not like I love you. I have never met anyone that makes me feel the way you do. My head filled with a no vacancy sign, but the electricity was out; somehow you fixed it. That "no" shines brighter than it ever has before.

When you said, "When you put your hands on me." The thought I caused you even just for a moment, to be afraid of me, just breaks my heart. For you filled my life with nothing, but natural smiles and joy rides. I wish I would have appreciated and it all more.

I'm the last man on this earth who should take anyone willing to enter my dark, closed off & broken structure. Anyone willing to enter my life of chaos and mystery is more daring than any human before. If you persist, you'll come to the place that shatters the pain those with reckless hearts left me. You'll open a pure, passionate soul. To get to the damaged site, you will have to fight through the maze. Those who hid my affection left no map. I think you were almost there. You had me but like most something in my destroyed halls of lost love. My guards spooked you off. You ran far away and left me empty again. Lonely again. I had begun to draft our story. I'm hoping you'll decide whatever barricade halted your journey, brings you back. My hand hurts from writing first drafts. I desire our story to be everlasting. So long the Bible envies it.

If you can make it to the place where love is locked, you have found the key. The key to my heart. Promise me to leave that no on my vacancy sign forever lit.

please leave your judgment of me

you and i may choose separate ways

but ultimately we both will have regrets,

both will experience what it means to love

im henk holveck.

not the name given to me at birth,

why? it takes far too much innocence

and causes far too much guilt to hear such bitter words.

when you are ten and you absorb the words,

you immediately lose all your trust,

you don’t know what or who to believe,

i wish i had some more answers

i don’t blame my guardians,

as they didn’t know either

but now that im a grown androgynous mind

i feel more alone every second

i feel as though i’ve raised myself…

and by that i mean had to raise myself to manage emotions

to this day when i feel lonely im told to fold it up,

into ignorant acid soaked paper as green and painful as discharge.

everyone who still talks to me likes to ask

what happened? why did you turn out like this?

i just politely smile and tell them,

i was born to be misunderstood.

because this is my life and i’ll keep breathing till something inside tells me to leave.

Greed, gluttony, indulgence, selfishness.
These are all characteristics I've seen
From a human who chose such a supposedly selfless career.
Funny how the less fortunate prey on the wallets thicker than theirs.

Their is a large difference between intentionally wronging
And misguided, assumptions that only misguided souls make
This is a public service announement,
Mom's in wild will protect their offspring to the death, I'll leave it at that.

Phone calls, emails, texts.
Don't believe everything you hear, don't disregard it either.
Play your pawn carefully sir, as your next move
Very well could be your last.

I just care about society until one of my own crosses me,
I have respected you by not interrupting your rendezvous,
Respect of the crest of M would have prevented your sad demise
Hopefully next time lessons shall be learned.

yours truly,
the m.h.d.

i hoped every word in my poems
knocked the bricks off your wall of fear
i would have held you, protected you and loved you
until my last breath.

unfortunately, your doubts overshadowed my transparency
it is not a surprise as i have become used to the exit door
when the right human does come i will have so much love to share
i wish you the best, my friend...

im not going to sit here and lie
your beautiful and gentle glow will be missed
but i know there's nothing i could do
as you have made up your mind

i will always be here
i am in love with what we had
you brought me no stress
no lonliness and no fear

love and art, 1991,
henk holveck

please, don't leave me high,

the others left, but you seem strangely comforting

i can't even put a finger on it

rarely i think with my heart

my head tends not to cry

it is been through hell

i want you most.

We all want a partner to dance to the sound of love with,

Unfortunately love is not a dance that is easy to learn.

In fact it's purely a luck game,

your dealt your cards and their is no barter allowed.



I hope your the final card I hold

I'm so afraid to hold that queen of hearts down,

She will hit the table of my soul lost in a dream

Because love knows no caution, it has no  bounds.



I was in love once,

It was the secret to happiness for me,

Until bad blood began to flood our veins

And just like a infectious disease

It killed my hope, my happiness

And filled me with the detest.



I'll just do this life solo,

It's the safest route I can take,

Because I'm afraid,

Afraid my heart might turn to stone.



That would be the worst scenario,

Because rocks sink.

I want to one day swim,

And sink in into the depths of the ocean.

my whole heart is full of bliss;
i didn’t think i’d ever fall again
but, here i am, with your arms around me
faintly mumbled words spoken by another man

the first time he was telling lies,
if i am deceived again,
then love isn’t for me…

although if you really care
than you will never have to worry about a thing
i am a fighter and now we’ll dance to the tune of our own life; together.

love and art, 1991

henk holveck