Repulsive and cruel,
Laying with an arm round me
An arm that is literally spitting
False phrases one moment
as though I'm the king of the jews.

god is dead.
and my entire life you
will always be a piece of
the shattered boy

the one who used to daydream
of stories only told by hopeless cries.​
problem is you cannot hear the weeping
in their words that stream out their fragile hands.

Now spitting ugly and hurtful language,
That just tears me up,
And once you step out the doorway,
The saline filled liquid starts.

I'm trying to distance myself,
But how do I manage that?
How many more lies can you narrate
while you keep my loving heart?

Do you really think I don't recognize
and your love will bring me anything?​
After all I have suffered.​
How many more painful days

I simply wanted your dreams forever
but apparently my life isn't anything
certainly unworthy of admiration,
or unconditional love.

unexpected beauty entered my life
this is what i love about life
the golden spontaneous event's
that come after you dont think you can't keep trying.​

when people let you down
life puts a spark to light the pilot light.​

last night was one only felt
in our tender touch
and will always rest in my sheets

when we began our temporary bliss
i knew you'd never see me again,
although it might seem sad,
but love is just a drawn out game

so even if we never meet again
i still know where a piece of my heart is
unlike them you won't break it
you left me the words of tenderness

whom told you hearts are nothing but game pieces?

i know you feel alone but,

oh honey, take it from me,

this is no game.  

i have lived the nightmares left behind

i hear the footsteps every time your heart's crying

when your eyes fill my head

i want to fly away

the 7th day of july

that day cracked my spine

i hope you can find a higher goal

than how many feet the nearest

lonely man is using this app

in hopes you don't want what he has.

unfortunately you don't know anything else

yet again he will sleep alone tonight

you will go on wondering why you feel blue

you have to break before you'll see

it then is too late and you will know

that he didn't want another pretender

as you lay on your satin sheets while your breathing slows

just as before your heart stops then you will see why you felt alone

this life 
and that love will always hurt
last night,

i anxiously desired to feel your skin 

once i felt you graze my back 
all the passion filled me again.

these walls you built 
are becoming increasingly aggressive

i want you 
but if this is the cost

long term it is too much
you wouldn’t understand

but i know whats wrong, 

it’s not your face 

it’s not your personality

it’s not your kind eyes

i want 
to be loved 

i was at one point 

but it left me too wrecked, unfixable.
baby you’re incredible

you should never lose 
the love you are capable of giving


i just don’t believe 

i don’t’ want to &
drugs are predictable 

i know she will never change

you see you, are unpredictable

whether you love me today 

doesnt mean you will tomorrow
i have found the love i am capable of being with

now go and find somebody who loves you

I wasn't always this way,
My face used to be brighter,
Somehow somewhere along these last four years,
I've began to withdraw,
Not only from people but from myself.

To be honest my emotional ailment was improving,
And you came along on a night I will never forget,
Spontaneous beginnings that's how they always arise,
You were everything I wanted,
You appeared so genuine, so gracious and amazingly tender.

Too good it was,
I was ready I spilled my heart and soul to you,
That fateful day you deceived me,
Our story is too sad for words,

Bottom line,
I thought you cared,
and everytime your name pops up,
My heart flutters for a moment hoping,
You want me again, but then, reality settles back in.
The sad truth is my heart yearns for you.......still.

as i feel the earth crack underneath me,
i have to wonder if it's really the ground,
or is it coming from within.

i lost you there,
i remember my mother telling me,
if i get lost stay in the same spot until i am found,
i'm finding that as an adult,
this method no longer is applicable,

three years have passed,
i am now no longer able to stand here,
the further away you go,
the more frightened i become.
fear derives from ignorance,
ignorance can quickly manifest,
for me it manifested into a cloud,
not the gorgeous cloud one would hope for,
rather a acidic, foul, cloud
as if an atomic furnace stands nearby,
puffing it's smokestacks of evil, fear and hatred.
turning me into nothing but utter dust.

i must remember to be grateful,
i breathe
my heart beats              


                            some are not quite as fortunate

as i have been lucky enough
to share something with another spirit,
that some will only dream of.

"unconditional love"; a wishful thought humans enjoy, it causes us to be thankful that our soul is still inside a physical shell.

"unconditional love"; provides hope that maybe, just maybe one day you will provide the emotions
words or eternal love we all crave but cannot provide
nor receive.
it's something we deserve but can't obtain or give.

not one ******* soul on this earth deserves,
to take their final breath with a broken, pained or shattered heart,
does death save us from our soul completely shattering.


when death comes our soul leaves our body in tact.

There must be some meaning to all this,
GOD knows our soul cannot be torn even one more time.

if you take anything from this diatribe,
through a morbidly dispirited writer,

everyone i have ever emotionally invested in,
is still as strong as the day I began to to give a piece of myself to them.
& sadly i need to learn to stop investing in those that give up on me,
like a incompetent stock broker i continue to invest in relationships,
that have  no chance of revival.

Love &Art;, 1991,
Henk H.

open the door
a man stands there with a smile
the package he passes
is not on my Christmas list
that doorway sure is no chimney.

shaking, frightened, it's finally time
alone, i unfasten the bag,
as if it's the first brithday
that my grandma is no longer with us.

this was the most expensive present
i have ever received
although the grantor is no ******* Santa Claus
&
that instant i recognize
my existence
lies in these jars.

i outwitted mother nature
if i begin consumption
i live

if not well.....*How Will It End?