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 Jan 2020 kain
eileen
all I know is pain

I've been told there is more

they say I can get better

they say
try my best

no signs of change

I hurt
I hurt
it hurts

they say everything will be okay

they say

everything feels better now

they say
they say
they say
they say

I'm afraid

I sabotage my own happiness
 Jan 2020 kain
Cc
Tool
 Jan 2020 kain
Cc
tools are used to fix things
but this tool has broken me
more specifically the man who hit me with this tool has broken me
over and over again
my mind keeps replaying it
the silver metal surface
the pain that had tears streaming Down my face
the bruises it left
 Jan 2020 kain
fray narte
asteria
 Jan 2020 kain
fray narte
here lies asteria.
and her falling stars —
they crash faster than they rise
here inside this starless chest —
a foreign place,
a refugee camp —
all leaden lungs and a leaden sky.

here she sleeps
under a blanket of nightfall one might mistake for the golden fleece,
but then again,
alchemy is a long, forgotten lover
all bag of tricks,
and sleight of hand,
all doves and swords
and a fickle heart.

so what of her?
what of a lonely girl?
what of her history and all her scattered bones?

what of a fallen Titaness?
what of this diaspora of all her dying stars?
what of this sepulcher for all her nameless stars?

here lies asteria
with her unbaptized stars —
here, where the dark side of the moon
goes home.
here, where wisterias and howling wolves
and stifled screams
go to die.

here inside this starless chest,
these pallid lips,
this leaden skin of mine.

here lies asteria. here lies her host.
and this is how a black hole sighs.
 Jan 2020 kain
Andreya Celeste
Dear you,

I guess I don't know how to speak to you in person. Well, I have before. Talking to you used to be so easy, like walking from one room to the next. Now, I remind myself which foot to step with. And when I'm finally in the next room, you are no longer there. Instead, the lights burn out, leaving me in the darkness.

You used to be my light. When I couldn't find a seat in a crowded room, you lit the way to the empty seat beside you. When you wrapped your arms around me, sparks grew into fireworks. Both of our smiles could set the world on fire.

When you told me how beautiful I was, I swore the stars shone brighter. There was no dark side of the moon, just as there were no dark side of you.

Instead of being the night, you were my knight. You waved your silver sword, daring anyone to try and hurt me. No one would try, for they know who they will have to get through first.

But this entire time, I was so focused on you keeping others out that I didn't realize who was slowly creeping in.

You.

You pointed your sharp sword at my heart. I cried so hard, begging you, "Please, don't hurt me." I cried so much that tears fell into my mouth, choking me while oceans fell from my eyes. It didn't matter in the end.

You were deaf.

Your sword struck, hard. Your hateful words and actions filled into me like a disease, while happiness flowed out of my heart.

I'm still alive. I'm still breathing.

When I look into the mirror, I see the person I used to be. Scars and all. I see the girl who loved you. I see the face that you once called beautiful.

How I wish I could hear your voice again.

I guess I don't know how to speak to you in person. Not anymore.

Instead of pouring tears, I'm pouring words. Words that you need to hear.

This is to you.

From,

Me
 Jan 2020 kain
ok okay
Lonely Island
 Jan 2020 kain
ok okay
It is lonely here
This land is so far away
Beyond the empty blue
Past the acid rain
The sky is pitch black
The air is chill
Not a soul in sight
On my lonely hill
The stars have settled
The moon is beaming
The tears have dried
I have lost all feeling
It is lonely here
Sometimes it is hard to see
This lovely desolate land
Lacks company
What it feels like to grow up isolated and alone in New Zealand. One of the reasons why so many leave to Australia.
 Jan 2020 kain
Ferns
Countless Stars
 Jan 2020 kain
Ferns
Is it not easy 
 to greet to someone
whom you never spoke
for a very long time?

Among all people,
I am the only one
you've always bypass
to talk to

I know the hindrance
why we ward off each other
just to make ourselves
escape the stigma

Curiosity gets bigger
Each time I look at you
Should I wait patiently
Or take the wheel further

One thing I could do...
All what I wanted to say,
all my thoughts about you,
are profoundly veiled


You and me
are the only ones
to know what's in...
where people shouldn't know

A storage box
of unspoken words
a birthday bag
of sweets

If you are reading this
do not assume
that I did them
 Jan 2020 kain
Me
Poppy Seed Field
 Jan 2020 kain
Me
I wish
that you
sit in a field
of poppies
and read your
favourite books
and look
once in a while
or more
for me and everyone
and smile
 Jan 2020 kain
Me
Ice and Fire
 Jan 2020 kain
Me
How
like ice and fire
these needles
pierce my flesh
from inside out
and guess what's weird
it does not feel
like doubt or pain
but like
a healing
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