It hurts, doesn't it?
My one word responses and unanswered texts?
Now you know exactly how I felt
When you decided you didn't care anymore.
But now you miss me and I couldn't care less.

I have a mug
That has "coffee" written all over it
There's even little beans on it
But I only ever use it to make tea

You're the reason my heart beats fast.
My one and only, unto last.

The sound of your voice, the taste of your lips.
I crave the touch of your hands, to give you a kiss.

I wish our hands forever intertwined.
Let me stare at your face so benign.

May I hold you close, oh so tight.
Please let me be your shining knight.

Lay with me, let me keep you warm.
They liad when the said: every rose has its thorn.

You know they say: there's no such thing as perfection.
We prove them wrong, with our perfect connection.

My thoughts and dreams won't cease to drift to you.
My emotions and feelings, they're so very true.

I've come to realize I'm lost in you.
Without you here, I don't know what I'd do.

"I notmally like darker hair on girls,
But with you it's different," he says.

I've noticed.
I've seen the way you look at it,
When I'm playing with my hair,
As I'm twirling it around my fingers.

The look that you give.
It is the look of a dog,
When he's staring right at you
While you are eating something.

The look of wanting. Desire. Temptation.
And you want to play with it.
You desire my golden locks.
As if the colour had anything to do with your temptations.

The friend with a pool
No friends ever comes over
I'm too far away

Last night
We spend hours
Talking on the phone
About our our day
And whatever random thought
That popped into our heads

I could hear you
Becoming more tired
As time went on.
And when it was time to hang up
You said you didn't want me to go

But I could hear you
About to pass out.
And I really had to ***,
So I needed to be let go
Of our conversation.

Now that Pluto is a planet again,
I’m expecting the world to stop falling apart.

There are many things
I have promised myself
And failed

But the one thing
I will promise myself
And keep

I will not die a ******.

I used to be sad
I used to cry everyday
I questioned taking my life
I questioned it often
But what changed me
Was realization

I realized I had a dog
A pet that would wait
For you to come home
A pet that wags his tail
When you come home

And I thought
What if I never came back home?
Would he still wait for me?
And  I realized that pets do not understand death
And they wait for their owners to come home
They will wait to see you again

They do not understand that you're gone
That you are never coming back
But they will continue to wait
With hopes that you will come home
Pets don't understand death

I don't understand how you wouldn't trust me
I'm the most straight forward person
I say whatever on my mind
I accept anything with a reason
I forgive anything with an explanation
I don't even lie
What would have made you think,
That I would look down upon you for this?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I kinda really
Really miss you

We took crayons to scribble
on the walls of each other’s hearts.
So like children we were, now
broken parents attempting
to bleach away bright stains.

Sitting in a restaurant in cottage country.
with my parents, my friend,my sister and her two friends.
I'm eating these miniature boneless chicken wings
I feel a pain in my chest,
I take a sip of my ice tea through a straw
And sit there holding my chest and closing my eyes
--
In my head is a jack hammer just pounding
My whole body feels pinned down
but also moving like the jack hammer
--
Laying on the ground I see my father leaning over top of me
I am on my back
He is pinning me down
My vision blacking out and head still pounding
"Call 911, she's having a seizure"

The only thing I can manage to say is "no"
"no. No! no! NO! No? NO... no no nonono...."
And the only thing I could think of was 'I don'y want to be a seizure person'
Epileptic is what i meant to say, but the word didn't come to me.
Tears are rushing down my face, terrified.
I can only hope this is a one time thing.

As I am helped up by my mom and escorted to the bathroom
I see all these faces looking at me
Faces of sympathy
That is the worst feeling ever.
Being stared as you are leaving the room after a seizure

The silent treatment is the worst.
It is the worst treatment.
And the apology is problematic.

All because you don't know
what you have done wrong.
Because whatever you were doing wrong
you thought it was okay.

And since nobody said anything
you thought it was okay.

And then you get to silent treatment
and you wonder what you have done wrong.
You wonder if it was something you said or did.

And now you have to apologize
for something you are uncertain about
All because you thought it was okay.

I hate you.
My soul is missing. I know you took it.
I miss smiling and happiness is an outdated concept.
Karma will come for you with a baseball bat,
and when your blood stains the earth,
I will smile.

I built my castle and I will also tear it down.
If you had a heart I would eat it,
if you had a soul I would steal it.
But I’m not cruel so I’ll just leave you alone.

I’m a friend of the devils. Are you a friend of mine?

I sit here
I read
I stare
I wait
I write
I wait
I read
I smile
I respond
I set my phone down
And I wait

My phone vibrates
My thumbs fumble
My eyes scan the name
My eyes read the message
My heart swoons
My mind searches for a response
My thumbs write the message
MY phone is set down
And that was a smooth comment

The river flows,
The creek stinks;
Both are canals,
But a creek is much narrow.
And the river and the sea,
are connected,
The creek?
Most of the time it really,
really stinks.

It has been three years now
It doesn't hurt as much anymore
When I think about you
I still think you will just walk into the room

Even though you're gone
And you've been gone for a while
It still hurts
Missing you, when you're never coming back

I already said too much.
I already shared too much,
and I want all my secrets back.
I hate getting close to people these days.

I always regret
sharing too much,
caring too much,
doing too much,
feeling too much.

When you died
I took it hard
I told you I had something important to tell you
I told you on Friday
I was waiting for Monday to say it

When I found out
I spent the whole day crying
And the next day writing
I wrote five whole pages
Front to back

Everything that reminds me of you
Everything I have ever wanted to tell you
Everything I wish you knew
Everything I should have told you when I had the chance
Were written down

And placed in your casket
I wanted you to know: I loved you

You don't know what it's like
To be violated
To be held against your will
And felt up
And leave bruises
By someone you trusted
By someone you thought cared about you

You don't know what it's like to be used just for your body
By someone you thought cared for more than just nudes
By someone who told you were cute and pretty

You don't know what it's like to tell the person who violated you
What they did to you
And how it made you feel

You don't know what it's like to receive a fake apology
One only to get you to shut up
But as you're telling him your point of view
And as he's pretending to apologize
You could just feel all the "I don't cares" and "will you shut up nows"

You don't know what its like to attempt to leave an uncomfortable situation
Only to be pulled back by the handle on your backpack
Unaware of what is going on
You thought you were leaving

You don't know what it's like to be held up against the body
Of a strong, tall male
Unable to push him away
Unable to squirm out of the situation

You don't know what it's like to be barely able to breathe
Because your face is pressed right up against his side

But of course you knew he was strong
He played hockey and baseball
But you didn't know he was that strong

You don't know what it's like to be violated by someone you thought you could trust, or thought they could protect you.

Let's not mention how you don't know what it's like
To be sitting in class, sharing your homework with another boy
Only to feel his hand on your leg

You don't know what it's like to sit in a room full of students
And have no one notice what is happening
And you've shot a look that says don't do it
Yet he takes that as a look to continue to go up further
Because he thought it would increase tension
But really he made your self-worth decrease

You don't know what it's like to have an unwanted hand go up your skirt
And you thought it was okay to wear a skirt that day
Just like you wore one every other day
Because the Kilt was part of your school uniform
But of course that made your visible legs vulnerable
And it's a good thing that someone else call for his attention
Because you wanted anything but his

And you don't know what it's like to make a scene
Or to tell someone
Because you're not sure if you parents will be more upset
About you talking to boys or that your got yourself into those situations

You don't know what it's like to stay silent
Because you don't want to make matters worse

But it's my body, why would someone think they have access to it?

Because you don't know what it's like to be sexually assaulted

Your eyes were extremely green today.
I noticed that because
They literally glistened
As you stared off, zoning out.
And your whole face changed.
And in those moments,
You were extremely beautiful.