Why do you tell me these lies?
They are hurtful and I have
lost respect for you.
I really wanted to believe you this time.

"I notmally like darker hair on girls,
But with you it's different," he says.

I've noticed.
I've seen the way you look at it,
When I'm playing with my hair,
As I'm twirling it around my fingers.

The look that you give.
It is the look of a dog,
When he's staring right at you
While you are eating something.

The look of wanting. Desire. Temptation.
And you want to play with it.
You desire my golden locks.
As if the colour had anything to do with your temptations.

You called me bae
Do you even know the meaning of that word?
It is not a shortened version of Babe
It stands for Before Anything Else

When you called me bae
I took it as being important and love
To you it was a less attached meaning of babe
I was nothing when you told me I was before anything else

You don't know what it's like
To be violated
To be held against your will
And felt up
And leave bruises
By someone you trusted
By someone you thought cared about you

You don't know what it's like to be used just for your body
By someone you thought cared for more than just nudes
By someone who told you were cute and pretty

You don't know what it's like to tell the person who violated you
What they did to you
And how it made you feel

You don't know what it's like to receive a fake apology
One only to get you to shut up
But as you're telling him your point of view
And as he's pretending to apologize
You could just feel all the "I don't cares" and "will you shut up nows"

You don't know what its like to attempt to leave an uncomfortable situation
Only to be pulled back by the handle on your backpack
Unaware of what is going on
You thought you were leaving

You don't know what it's like to be held up against the body
Of a strong, tall male
Unable to push him away
Unable to squirm out of the situation

You don't know what it's like to be barely able to breathe
Because your face is pressed right up against his side

But of course you knew he was strong
He played hockey and baseball
But you didn't know he was that strong

You don't know what it's like to be violated by someone you thought you could trust, or thought they could protect you.

Let's not mention how you don't know what it's like
To be sitting in class, sharing your homework with another boy
Only to feel his hand on your leg

You don't know what it's like to sit in a room full of students
And have no one notice what is happening
And you've shot a look that says don't do it
Yet he takes that as a look to continue to go up further
Because he thought it would increase tension
But really he made your self-worth decrease

You don't know what it's like to have an unwanted hand go up your skirt
And you thought it was okay to wear a skirt that day
Just like you wore one every other day
Because the Kilt was part of your school uniform
But of course that made your visible legs vulnerable
And it's a good thing that someone else call for his attention
Because you wanted anything but his

And you don't know what it's like to make a scene
Or to tell someone
Because you're not sure if you parents will be more upset
About you talking to boys or that your got yourself into those situations

You don't know what it's like to stay silent
Because you don't want to make matters worse

But it's my body, why would someone think they have access to it?

Because you don't know what it's like to be sexually assaulted

Every time I check I phone
I expect to see a text from you
And every time there isn't a message
I set my phone down in disappointment
And accept that I am not worthy of your time

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "we are both in this room feeling..."

26. Complete this sentence "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save only one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Your scent has become chlorine to me.
Every whiff,
Every inhale,
Burns through my nostrils
And into my lungs.

And yet I still cant get enough.

Sitting in a restaurant in cottage country.
with my parents, my friend,my sister and her two friends.
I'm eating these miniature boneless chicken wings
I feel a pain in my chest,
I take a sip of my ice tea through a straw
And sit there holding my chest and closing my eyes
--
In my head is a jack hammer just pounding
My whole body feels pinned down
but also moving like the jack hammer
--
Laying on the ground I see my father leaning over top of me
I am on my back
He is pinning me down
My vision blacking out and head still pounding
"Call 911, she's having a seizure"

The only thing I can manage to say is "no"
"no. No! no! NO! No? NO... no no nonono...."
And the only thing I could think of was 'I don'y want to be a seizure person'
Epileptic is what i meant to say, but the word didn't come to me.
Tears are rushing down my face, terrified.
I can only hope this is a one time thing.

As I am helped up by my mom and escorted to the bathroom
I see all these faces looking at me
Faces of sympathy
That is the worst feeling ever.
Being stared as you are leaving the room after a seizure

I have troubles sleeping
Mainly because I want to cuddle
I just want some one to hug
Or be hugged as I fall asleep
I just want to be cuddled to sleep
Is that to much to ask for?

The river flows,
The creek stinks;
Both are canals,
But a creek is much narrow.
And the river and the sea,
are connected,
The creek?
Most of the time it really,
really stinks.

At 2am
Everything is
Either really funny
Or really sad

At 3am
Everything becomes
Even more funny
Or even more sad

And it all depends on how alone you feel

Not for nothing.
But an apology
would have been nice.
Or at least
would have conveyed
a modicum of respect.

Last night
We spend hours
Talking on the phone
About our our day
And whatever random thought
That popped into our heads

I could hear you
Becoming more tired
As time went on.
And when it was time to hang up
You said you didn't want me to go

But I could hear you
About to pass out.
And I really had to ***,
So I needed to be let go
Of our conversation.

I’m my own assassin.
Whether it’s rereading texts that I know destroy me, or purposely looking through social media that I know will negatively affect me.
I don’t know why I enjoy making myself suffer.

Theres plenty of fish in the sea.
But at least take the hook out of my mouth
before tossing me back in the ocean.

I have a mug
That has "coffee" written all over it
There's even little beans on it
But I only ever use it to make tea

We have been talking for over 2 months
I saw your face in a friend's instagram picture
I made a joke and asked my friend for your number
He asked you if it was okay to give me you number
You said yes
I got really excited, and I sent you a message

I liked you from the start
We messaged happily for over 2 weeks
You called me "bae" and "babe" and "boo"
All of a sudden you didn't talk to me for a whole week
You said sorry and that you had you phone taken away
But I still don't think that's the case

Two months later
Were still texting daily
I'm usually the last to message at night
And in the mornings, I get a "morning babe:*"
You told me that you actually really like me
I told you the feeling was mutual

We made tentative plans for Friday night
You called for a rain check Thursday morning
Friday it really rained, in February
Good Call!
I would've been to nervous anyways
We still haven't met each other
I haven't even heard you voice on the phone

I sit here
I read
I stare
I wait
I write
I wait
I read
I smile
I respond
I set my phone down
And I wait

My phone vibrates
My thumbs fumble
My eyes scan the name
My eyes read the message
My heart swoons
My mind searches for a response
My thumbs write the message
MY phone is set down
And that was a smooth comment

I'm not mad anymore
I wasn't even mad
I was annoyed
I snapped
And I'm sorry

It hurts, doesn't it?
My one word responses and unanswered texts?
Now you know exactly how I felt
When you decided you didn't care anymore.
But now you miss me and I couldn't care less.

All you wanted to do that day was talk to me.
All you wanted to do was see me again.

I told you that I wasn't allowed
to take the car to see you that day.

So you took your parents car,
in the middle of the night,
all for a plan to watch the stars with me.

A plan that I never agreed upon
And yet you still went through with it.

And you ended up in a ditch
Because you swerved to avoid a deer.

And you had to call your dad,
and tell him that you were an idiot,
and that you ****** up,
and that his car is now in a ditch.

And then you were grounded for a whole month.

We took crayons to scribble
on the walls of each other’s hearts.
So like children we were, now
broken parents attempting
to bleach away bright stains.

Now that Pluto is a planet again,
I’m expecting the world to stop falling apart.

Keep breaking my heart,
it'll only make my writing
better

Never cry in your bedroom.
Because a place of comfort
Should never contain sadness.

I crave you
As a need
As an emotion
As a solution

I crave your presence
The smell of the soap you use
The heat from your arms wrapped about me
The comfort in your silence

I crave being next to you
In the most innocent way
I just want to spent time with you
I just want want to be near you

Your eyes were extremely green today.
I noticed that because
They literally glistened
As you stared off, zoning out.
And your whole face changed.
And in those moments,
You were extremely beautiful.

I hate you.
My soul is missing. I know you took it.
I miss smiling and happiness is an outdated concept.
Karma will come for you with a baseball bat,
and when your blood stains the earth,
I will smile.

I built my castle and I will also tear it down.
If you had a heart I would eat it,
if you had a soul I would steal it.
But I’m not cruel so I’ll just leave you alone.

I’m a friend of the devils. Are you a friend of mine?

I find it funny how
The person I used to write poems about
Now writes poems for me

You're the reason my heart beats fast.
My one and only, unto last.

The sound of your voice, the taste of your lips.
I crave the touch of your hands, to give you a kiss.

I wish our hands forever intertwined.
Let me stare at your face so benign.

May I hold you close, oh so tight.
Please let me be your shining knight.

Lay with me, let me keep you warm.
They liad when the said: every rose has its thorn.

You know they say: there's no such thing as perfection.
We prove them wrong, with our perfect connection.

My thoughts and dreams won't cease to drift to you.
My emotions and feelings, they're so very true.

I've come to realize I'm lost in you.
Without you here, I don't know what I'd do.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I kinda really
Really miss you

There are many things
I have promised myself
And failed

But the one thing
I will promise myself
And keep

I will not die a ******.

I used to be sad
I used to cry everyday
I questioned taking my life
I questioned it often
But what changed me
Was realization

I realized I had a dog
A pet that would wait
For you to come home
A pet that wags his tail
When you come home

And I thought
What if I never came back home?
Would he still wait for me?
And  I realized that pets do not understand death
And they wait for their owners to come home
They will wait to see you again

They do not understand that you're gone
That you are never coming back
But they will continue to wait
With hopes that you will come home
Pets don't understand death