Lately I have been struggling with inspiration.
Lately it has come from an ugly source.
When I write these words, they are tainted with remorse.
I feel like the light is all gone.
My thoughts black like silence.
What give them their weight is violent vices.
Now my uplifting banter is reduced to static, tragic white noise.
I once had a vision.
They said with my talent I could have soared.
Reached heights where only wings could go.
It’s wasted now.
Now walking this path of old.
A path where my options couldn’t grow.
A dreadful path full of bright and alluring glow.
I feel stuck on my way to losing one of the things that makes me know.
A piece of me which helps calm the flow.
There is hope! A tiny ember.
Smothered in the ash.
Nurtured by the pain of inspiration last gasp.
Well not really seeing as how it grasps again and again.
This desperate act just begins and begins.
Will I ever leave this path of mine?
I guess only time knows the answer.
All it gives me is a rhyme.

One plus one I thought equalled us.
What 1+1 really equals you.
Now I am not a mathematician.
But this addition doesn't add up.
You plus one drama and minus some affection.
You plus one pain and minus all the emotions.
You plus one distrust and minus all of the love.
Just subtraction from an equation that fraction my world.
Problematic at your worst, your math skills are deadly.
Your issues are multiplicative so you divide your responsibilities.
Just so you can hide in the safety of parentheses.
Now I see the order of your operations.
You, YOU, me.
I watch you denominate my numerator further fractioning this divide.
All this just to show your work.
On this failed mathematical theorem.

I dont think six feet is deep enough. too many sins keep dark secrets afloat. so many bad decisions stack end on end. even laid to rest best dressed and still look *****. you cant cover what has been done. no lid can block the song of  wrong and the stench of filth. no lining can soften the harsh reality of pain. their is more than six feet of shame. to shallow for the rain. in the end I dont think six feet is deep enough. no depth can shelter you from the blame. all this rain. to much rain. flooding memories with disdain. soaking emotions in the same ugly truth. the insane thought process that it would all change. change with six feet of depth. six feet just isnt deep enough.

forbidden kisses
lustful passions ignite us
can you imagen.

on the horizon
the darkness looms overhead
it's coming for me

Moving along in life looking at all the different stalls
I wonder how much it all costs
If I could ever have it all
What about one smile?
What about an extra mile?
What about a first love?
What about the longest hug?
I wonder if I will ever have enough
Everything is so expensive
I only have so little left
Will it really be worth it?
What if It was a waste?
Something I could never get back
I must spend it though
Every little bit must be accounted for in the end
This precious currency
Nothing attained with it can be returned
All sales are final
Let’s buy this one smile
Just one
Oops
Looks like it was upside down.

my first time picking up the handle
brandishing a weapon I feel like long forgotten
the lost mantle of a practioneer
a master if you will
so strange yet so fumilar
muscle memory a disaster
lashings of love slashes of hate
wounds so deep you can't erase the mistake
now my stance is off
each movement feels wrong
something inside still urges me forward
begs me to continue
now all is forgotten and only the feeling remains
my love for this violence welcomes me again
can you read this massacre
let me help you by turning the page
poetry my art form
the pen
my weapons name

covered by gray skies
sheltering us from the light
for now protected

Fingers grip the chain and they're pulling me down.
Just a little guilt, now watch me drown.
A couple of little things, they connect to make a crown.
Next one phoning in is doubt with a echoing ring.
Resonating across all possibilities.
Tinnitus at it's finest now my hearing is absurd.
In the middle of it all anger anchors me still.
A ragin' cajun and I am certain you're apalled.
In text and index measured in overthink.
Rights point to wrongs.
Mistakes made valid, faux pas made factual.
All this leading to the paroxysm thumb.
This forms the grip tied to every link.
A chain so deadly it attached in a blink.
The chain is deadly because you think.

Cruel intentions hidden behind rhythmic badumps badumps. Dancing falsely into safety. Blindly led to heaven. The openness is so inviting. Vivid visions of voluptuous visage. It can't be so cold when I felt the warmth. Enveloped in emotions strong enough to entangle my common sense. Who knew cold steel could feel so soft? Feeling the release as the stream leaves me. Eptying me of my common sense. Now I'm poised for the killing blow. This Haunted Embrace, nothing left but the death stroke. So many piercings, so many sharp reactions. A Haunted Embrace!

With each reach I am further away than I hoped.
Clawing desperately at walls of mud.
Foiled by the viscosity of fools.
No matter how hard I try to escape the solitude it haunts me still.
Looming over me like a cowl adhered to my skull.
Comforting is its presence.
Complex are it’s vexes.
Is it the walls or my skin that take the brunt of my aggression?
Is it outward or all within?
Could it be that the darkness is my only friend?
The only thing that remains.
All my efforts are in vain.
All my transgressions explained.
My thoughts are all insane.
But here in the depth I can escape the pain.
So here I shall remain.
Filled with more of the same.
Questions unexplored… a bane.

Tell her your eyes are like diamonds as you mine them from her skull. That her smile is perfection while wrecking her world. Tell her she shines so brightly and escape her image. That she completes you as you ruin her visage. Keep using words without meaning and speak without thought. A lot if you live lacking basic heart's. A lot if you live thinking you appreciate ART!

I do my best work when I am cold
I used to see a dead canvas and grow bold
Starring into the depths I had something to mold
Putting pieces back together and making gold
I didn’t care about the wreckage
I worshiped the damage
Infectious
I filled the empty with a curse
Brought life to the worst
Pulled strings so tight that the seams would burst
My magic was black and wrong but also right
I sliced smiles into faces and ripped hearts from the grieving
Always the enemy always a threat
My intentions were pure as cruel as they were
Once dead now alive
No thanks are necessary
A life for a life is a is a fair price
Am I right?

up and downs move the pounds of flesh. Heaving and hoeing to produce tiny whimpers. Cute sounds escape locked lips. A world still covered in darkness. Secrets spill into your ears. Confessions so intimate A disaster draws near. Painted pictures of afflection caused by the game of love and war. Let them slink down your spine and create the chill. Now they're inside creating the thrill. Now I am inside testing the will. I will tell you everything and your moans I will feel.

The point of view
Is that it is pointed at you
of which your perspective is askewed
They will point to their point of view
demand that you start anew
Muddy the waters till it looks like a stew
murky and obtuse
gory and smelling of refuse
Lacking scenery the perfect image of destitute.
No refuge just excuse
one right after another
Soon all the words come together
Musty dusty and covered in leather
it all changes right before your eyes
now it looks right because your thruth started to die
now your whole life is just a big ole lie
That is the whole point of this
Your point of view
Is pointed at you
Now they are all the same
Your point of view is a point of view
It just isn't the same

Each ripple makes the visage fade. The muk that obstructed now whimsically decays. The browns and hues began to drift away. The picture becomes focused and now clarity remains. What I wouldn't give for one more day. To reach down and grab something. To look into my hands and see your affection, yet all I see Is pain. I can't follow you anymore. Now I only feel complete in the rain. Each drop falling down from brown clouds. In sets of twos and heavy with blues. All of your moments are passing away. All of them nome can stay. Just your teachings keep my company. Lessons to make me strong. Leading me to a future that I don't belong. I have to keep holding on, till the very last one is gone. I'll wear them on my heart and keep them strong. Memories and teachings are all I have now. I'll cherish them forever and wake them from the grave.

I am so selfish and helpless
I am lost in the world
I am so selfish and helpless
I would trade everything for some gold
I am so selfish and helpless
I wish I could go
I am so selfish and helpless
I will believe whatever I am told
I am so selfish and helpless
I want something to hold
so selfish and helpless
A nothing to behold!

Can I truly be
Can I answer your need
Will you wish on me

sinister songs sung in A minor.
Spin tales of my victories and glory.
They won't allow me to escape your embrace. Your goal is to forever drown me.
You make all the pain sound pretty and glitzy. Some how you make my moves sound less risky. You keep singing those song I've only ever heard you talk in lyrics.
You vocalize and I Idolize!
You analyze and I compromise.
You terrorize and I accept the lies.
Now I'm drowning.
I should have saw this coming.
The skeletons beneath you are deep.
In an abyss is where you sleep.
Now I'll keep you company while you reap.
Another secret to keep.
A lullaby for another time.
A sirens song.

One click, two click let's count them together.
One makes you happy but many makes you famous.
A house hold name is what everybody wants to be.
A face recognized by millions and a name worth it's weight in gold.
How many clicks can you get when honesty is all that is told.
How valuable are the memories once they are sold?
The price they would pay isn't paid in gold.
So why do we do it?
All it does is drive us insane.
Why do you care so much if others call you plain?
So you dance in many circles, You mimic birds and books.
You've had troubles in a space that comes straight from your looks.
Flipping through pictures of a story meant to lul people to sleep.
All for what instant gratification?
So many clicks from a stranger, I'd call that obsession.
An invasion of privacy but then again you let them.
Now all eye's are on you and all you have is aggression.
The bad out weighs the good.
It's currency is called depression.
We've spent all of the happiness on clicks and called it a profession.
As long as it fills our ears, the ones covered in LV.
They cost us so much and now we can't afford to lose.
Click three and click four look better than before.
Click five and click six and now your as big as bricks.
Keep counting you might make it someday.
You could be famous!
They already abhor you!

Tired
of
Everyone
Around
Me

Welcome! let me open  the gate.
This wonderful world of color awaits.
A layered labyrinth of dreams lies before you.
Respected roses rise to great you.
Outlandish orchids orchestrate an obstacle course of overbearance.
Laughable lily's litter and lubricate your lucidity.
Vibrant vines with violent viscosity.
Behold perplexities only beholden in a garden so fresh with evocation.
Crunch!
Petals scattered across the ground.
Limp are the extremities.
Reds, greens, blues and purples now turned to oranges and browns and blacks.
What happened to all of the life?
When did the love stop?
Why did you stop caring?
With no moments to nourish.
With no time spent only death could thrive.
With no attention given wounds can only fester.
Because you stopped nothing could grow.

Tingly tips skate across smooth skin
Gentle like low waves embracing the shore
Tapping out messages
Soothing with hypnotic cadence
It's okay to drown
It's okay to let the feeling surround
Hold on tight
It is light
Given with care
An amount that is fair
Summers kiss with autumn's sin
Swelling and dancing within
Nurture it and it will grow
A beautiful flower to behold

The scream

The ripples wave away the images.
Distort the sounds.
The darkness surrounds completely.
Thoughts drift away towards fient figures, clad in ignorance.
Their ears will never hear what's coming.
Their minds forever distant.
The booming echo of quietness.
The struggle, its inability to escape.
The strength, its inability to push.
This Is The Scream!

Lately I haven't been communicating well. I'm stuck in a abyss with no one but me. It seeps down the edge of my field of vision. Engulfing me so the light can't illuminate me. I am left alone with claws and only my skin to rend. Left alone with my fangs and only my flesh to mutilate. Left alone with sharp things and dull connotation. My toxic thought process has flayed away all of the normal. All I see is what must be ripped asunder. All I feel is the joy of another's pain. All I am is what I have hidden. Step inside to see just how bad I can hurt you.

The words echo in my mind
Finding no place to go
They ripple with time
Spent on no no's
Now I speak no truths
Now my expertise doesn't matter
Watching myself grow flatter and flatter
Diaphragm attacked and now I have no wind
Words grow thin, they have nowhere to begin
I can start to see
My words are dumb
I have lost my voice
The end will come

Even in darkness gentle kisses can find each other. Colossal collisions with intimate intentions. Waiting for a chance to steal a glance before the morning sun. I've won round one but the light has just begun. It's warmth can see faster than I. An embrace so laced with care it sets your skin ablaze. I have an ace in the hole, A rhythmic cadence set adjacent to the core. It plays a melody so pure. Painting pictures of us and more. An open sky for us to explore. All this from just a kiss, with you it is so much more. A single chance to visit a library of your eyes. Each an intricate and eloquent mix of your stories, my treasures. So I choose to spend my time with you. To invest my currency in what I believe is true.

wasting away here
precious resources now gone
currency is spent

Has anyone ever told you the origin of stargazing? I learned it's truth after gazing into your eyes. Each an ingress into a star scape of ineffable beauty. Irises the deepest of blues. Pupils as abyssal as the infinite embrace. Combined at just the right angle. The stars shine brighter in your lunette than they do on any clear night sky. What answers might I find if I keep looking into them?
The meaning of life?
Discovery?
Love maybe?
Secrets diffinetely secrets.
Yours, Mine, The world's, The universe's.
And if I am really lucky.
I might even find me.
Wishing on a star to earn your heart.
That is atleast my hope.