a watched *** never boils
and you stared at my every move
not knowing
that I would never bubble over
into the person
you hoped
me to be

for two weeks
I thought there was a baby
growing inside me
but instead
I was just late to understanding
how little you need me
and pregnant with the idea
that I could not live without you

my mother taught me
to never judge a book by its cover
but I forgot
that even the prettiest books
can have no literary value

the first (and only) time
you treated me
as your equal,
we were sitting outside
under the stars
and the moon,
which was ever so slightly
blue

my blessing
was not disguised
as a man that looked
and acted
like a mannequin
but rather
a crack in my heart
that took three years to make
and three months to fill

as it turns out,
I am a cloud
with skin made of silver

Every time I used to run to you
it was raining
because maybe when we walked inside
we didn't want the cold and discomfort to end

I have never minded the rain
and I told myself that the flooding
occurring in my heart
was okay,
because a little water never hurt anyone

Eventually, the walls collapsed
because a little water
a lot of the time
will break down even the toughest stones

After the rain,
you're supposed to see a rainbow
and that's what you tried to give me
but instead I had a water damaged soul
with nothing left inside

You cannot control the weather
and you called to me again
but this time you were the one running
in the late night cold
we have come to know too well

Early in the morning
I heard you whisper
as you looked out the window,
"I've never seen the sky so bright"

Maybe I didn't get my rainbow
instead, a white light breaking through the blinds

"It looks the way it does before it snows,"
I reply
as you wrap your arms tighter around me

Maybe my rain has turned into snow
Just as cold, but more beautiful

"Don't play hard to get,"
you say,
but I thought we weren't playing at all
because the labored breaths
and extended silences
we exchanged instead of words
were the conclusion to our never-published,
still-in-editing,
fairy tale love story

Your eyes held on
to the tears that had formed
so that they never really fell

And I held on
to our unspoken romance
and fell harder than expected

I thought I was the one
who jumped
but not without a little push
from you

I can't say I blame you
you just did what was best
but I guess I wasn't prepared
for best
to feel worst

So Boy,
I am not playing with anyone
or anything
(except with my necklace,
when I think about you)
and you are still plucking away
at my strings,
so softly
that I almost didn't notice

I guess I'm too familiar with the sound
to ignore it

It feels as though
There is a tightrope beneath my feet
A blindfold surrounds my eyes
And in my heart, a heavy beat

I am not sure how long I have been walking
Or how much farther I have to go
Nor if I fall,
How many lifetimes it would take,
To hit whatever's down below

There are days I feel like wings
Have sprouted from my back
And I feel like I am light as air
Running swiftly down this track

Sometimes I feel like falling
Just to see what's underneath
That maybe on the ground are your arms calling
I haven't the faith to take the leap

Most of the time, however,
I am trying too hard not to shake,
My balance is the victim here
When my time, I choose to take

This tightrope I've been walking
Has been braided so carefully
By all the words I ever think
And let out
So carelessly

Perhaps I am too heavy
To walk a rope as thin as this,
Weighed down by burden, lies, and stress,
One wrong step,
Would I be missed?