i am
hovering between
me and
my body

i cannot think
i cannot dream
unreal is
what i seem

reality is not existent
its just a concept
the insistant resistance
of playful dreaming

i have just barely
made it
slightly touching the ground
drowning in the cushioned air

i must be suffering from
sleep deprivation
or one too many shots
of *****

air
has no gravity
increasing the longevity
of time

time has stopped
it is infinite
hovering slightly above
the current.

the present.

i fall
just as a star falls
euphoria washes
away from my eyes

reality surrounds me
as my breathing
comes to a stand still

(b.d.s.)

it begins
with silky smooth fabric
like tiny cushions on her
delicate skin

she spins
her back arched ever so slightly
the curvatures of her feet
cuts through the empty air

she is swift
she is fast
she is doing what she
knows best

her fragile stability
is as light as a spider
she dances through the darkness
leading light in her path

the inaudible patter
as her feet
gracefully hit the floor
weave a tapestry

of a love unknown.

the sun
rises as
it is done

she does not remain
she is gone
her blood is a
song

sang just before the dawn.

(b.d.s.)

i am shåï
and im here to stay...

lipstick stains
left on your
swollen cheek
love uncontained

red pen marks
drawn carelessly
i have not forgotten you
my dear

you came home
the other day
why did i even bother
to kiss you away?

the stains
still remain
on a carpet
that cannot be cleaned

your cheek was swollen
i cant think
i forgot
a heart stolen

you were here
maybe you once were gone
i cant think
just the mere thought

(b.d.s.)

you are here
scrawled in the margin
of my college ruled
notebook

three words
filled with so much doubt
im tired of questioning

i dont want to choose
between confidence and uncertainty
because both hold
such empty promises

all i hear everyday
is what people say


lucy, you failed.
lucy, why did you bail?
lucy, you never changed
lucy, why are you here?

is lucy even here?

voices.
rise from the deepest
darkest corners

my name
construed on their egoistic
pessimistic
narcissistic
lips.

the cool wind
keeps my delirious thoughts
floating in the empty air

i am instantly
reassured that i am here
i am real

(b.d.s.)

alcohol.
drunk at 5am
emotions are running high
she thinks she will overcome it

afraid.
fear of  life;
her own self
waiting for the
untold death.
she thinks it will go away.

"she is still the same"
"she wont change"
the beast in her heart
she can't tame

"she doesn't want to change"

these voices
echo and bounce
through her mind
she is tired of not listening

she doesn't want
to hear the words
that cause her ****** agony
she succumbs and
almost believes it

her ***** mind's tricks.

you can't
you wont
you can't stand a chance

what if she can change?

but what if she's in the process?

somewhere
between that
shot of alcohol
and her drunk 5am
thoughts,
something changed.

she brought forth
catharsis.
the emotional cleanse
gave herself a fresh start
just like a brand-new
haircut.

she gave another chance;
a rebirth of the old
a light for the new
she said adieu
and also thank you

emotions
will get the best of you
sometimes;
but i hope
you can overcome them too.

(b.d.s.)

lie.
cheat.
deceit.
repeat.

the ways of a corrupt society.

it is an endless cycle
of broken ideals;
a constant rival
to honest and forthright

the bridge between
honest and straightforward
has been quickly replaced
with the backward
hope of promise

i say its a lost cause
because lost laws
means a destroyed
dead society

dead in souls.
dead in mind.
uncalculated direction
of mindsets

maybe our society may have a chance to survive

or we may be at the pit of death.

it is our choice.

it is up to us to change.

(b.d.s.)

darkness is everywhere
but yet its nowhere

the hazy surreal
quality of the midnight sky
sweeps the bare desolate terrain
like mystical rain

distorted images
lie everywhere
confusing me
i cant see

i want to be one
consistent balance
with the stars and the moon
but also with you

the moon
sees its own shadow
casting on the rolling waves
it is afraid

colour is now sleeping
as black and white
is just awaking
as the grey
aches, just ceasing to make the
next day

are you like the moon?
thats my question to you.

or are you just an image
just lurking in the murky water?

(b.d.s.)

the mirror
divides where
the partition begins
between broken and free

i touch the glass
it imitates me
copies my every move
i must be confused

i touch the glass again
it still imitates me
showing the contour lines
of my every ****** expression
but then its gone
i must be very confused

i look hard into the glass
i see my face
i look harder
but this time its different

i first see my flaws
my imperfect perfections
what makes me whole
why should i look like a brainless doll?

i look harder once more
into the glass
and i see something
far more different

i see the girl
with the piercing
dark grey eyes
who has everything in
her life just sorted out

but then i see
the girl
with dark black
holes in her sockets
instead of eyes

this girl has
many marks on her body
signifying how many times
she has been hurting

i see a marking
on her forehead
it says LOST
it then begins to
cut a wound
into her scull

i try to forget
all these disturbing images
i have seen in this mirror
forgive and forget

hasn't it always been about forgiving and forgetting?

i'm not sure i want to forget anymore.

i want to remember.

i turn back
and look at the girl
with the deep dark eyes
i then see her mouth move

who are you?

(b.d.s.)

i sit quietly
as i write a verse of poetry
in my notebook

faint whispers
are everywhere calling
my name

i just ignore them

i have started
on my second verse
and the whispers increase
with intensity

i begin to write quickly
in my notebook
these whispers
increase and begin to
sound like the hissing of a snake

is this a dream?

"oh my gosh no one even likes her"
"she's such a *****"
"ew she writes poetry"
"ugh shut up already"

i then hear a
shriek
i turn around to see who it is
but except everyone looking at me

oh its me.

i become infuriated
and continue screaming
everything becomes hazy
im not here

i repeat
in a trance
"always remember what they said and let it go"

i see blurs of  faces
some i know
some i dont know

i close my eyes
and say adieu
goodbye.

i hear them say
"what could have we done"
or "why did she die"
or merely a "who was she"

i hear
someone read aloud
the words from my notebook
death by the society

(b.d.s.)

names
dont really say who we are
or define who we are
neither do they say our
deepest thoughts

they are just
letters arranged
in a combination
and scrawled on a piece of
crumpled paper

they are a tag
a label of similarity
a forecast
of sameness

they are not straightforward
it does not live our lives for us
it is not etched in our hearts
but etched on the concrete
cinder block of life

uniqueness and rarity
is lost here
gone in the syllables
of the name

swallowed by the letters.

the poor soul
behind the name
tortured by the burden
of a labeled society

it weakens the heart
it weakens the mind
each and everyday
hope is lost
in sameness

i will break free
i hope you will see
the difference
between me
and the person behind me

im different
and i am me.

(b.d.s.)

la petit morte
a little death.
yes.

this state of delirium
brought through the tender touch
as two parts of two different faces
connect to be one

two different faces
two different worlds
yet they are one
breathing and living

this connection
strong as wire
light and effortless
like a carefree endless dream

a dream that never ends.

a little death
washes over me
like a calm wave

moans echo through the walls
forgotten words
are lost in desires
wants.
fantasies.


(b.d.s.)

black and white
the imperfect perfection
the balance of consistency

black.
the classy colour of darkness
contrasts humanity's existence
the pit of eternity

white.
the colour of light
brightness at its wake
all is seen.

the aesthetic presence
is around us
it is covered by the coloured lies
of this world

black and white
is heard by all.
seen by all.
believed by all.

it is straightforward and raw precision.

everything is black and white.

at least, it should be.

black and white
has been forgotten
by many

but it is still alive
it is breathing...
it lives in us

its presence should'nt be forgotten
it should lie in our hearts
it is now.
it is yesterday
black and white is forever.

(b.d.s.)

its quite funny
how people change
you think you know them
but you dont

its like
you just never know
what to expect

people change
they change all around you
like the leaves of fall
signifing the forthcoming winter

people just come and go
you need to learn to expect it
sometime they just leave your life
for no just reason

but sometimes life
doesnt give you
all the answers

(b.d.s.)

as i walk down
the streets of my neighbourhood
i take life in a whole new perspective

the night's hustle
brings forth clarity
to one's eyes
it wants to be one - daring me

i surround myself
with the sounds
that make the night alive

i inhale the night's forthcoming
i taste the west coast air
on my tongue
the slight breeze
gently tickles my skin

i see the exquisite rawness
of the night
everything is black and white
colour is absent from sight

black and white thrives here
from the city sights
to the cars headlights
everything works in unison

the night's passing clouds
remind me
of who i am
where i come from
why im different

but  the moon holds
a secret unlike any other
it believes

(b.d.s.)

see,
lies are like a cigarette
you smoke and smoke
till your heart cant take no more
then you are gone

these black sins
ruin me everyday
as i inhale them
eroding me away

they freeze my mind
from what is the truth
like icicles frozen
on a cold winter day

this poisonous inhalation
weakens me
as life
acts as my dealer

suppling me with a lethal dose everyday.

these black secrets
freeze me in a state of denial
for i can only breath the lies
im told everyday

the lies
suffocate me
so i can not inhale the truth
it wages war in my mind

but one day,
i shall asphyxiate out of
this frozen trance
i will inhale

and inhale the truth
i shall blow away
the pained lies

i will be free.

and the cigarette
shall be extinguished
and i may be calm
and free once again

(b.d.s.)

everywhere is white.
white is all i see.
it is beautiful.

as i look out my window
these tiny orbs of white
float towards the ground

these little circles
magnetize towards the ground
like they were meant to be one

i look at these white drops
and think about how this could be
our destiny

this could be us
we can form from little round circles
and turn out to be

a great big snowball.

(b.d.s.)

he just knew
when he saw her with her
porcelain skin
he bet her heart
would crack
because it too
was made of porcelain

he touched her hands
they were ice cold
he had gauzed them with the
thickest cotton he could find

he promised her that
he would never let her go
even though she cried
"let me go"

he  accidently fiddled
and little by little
he had let her go

he did this
not because of lack of love
because he had been a man of love
not a man of words

his actions told more.

he had been born of
with weak fingers
but yet had a strong heart
and couldn't let her go

so then when he saw the
girl with the pretty porcelain skin
he promised to never let go

(b.d.s.)

the needle
is dipped in blood
not mine
but yours;
the blood of your broken heart

the blood
leaves trails of lines
like tally marks
showing how many hearts
you've broken

these tally marks will never be
erased;
they shall burden your soul with regret

the needle perforates
your most intimate parts of your mind
the ones hidden deep in your heart

the needle will never cease
your blood is
on your forehead
in clear crisp words
is written

A F R A I D

(b.d.s.)

let me love you
i want to love you
im breaking right now
but you never see

its overwhelming me
i dont know how much i can take
my heart cant go on

what have i done wrong?
where did things go for the worse?
my heart is bleeding
it is aching for you

let me love you
till it hurts ..
i want  you to
let me love you
i want us to be satisfied

lets be infinitely forever.

(b.d.s)

sometimes
love is inverted
not all straight up honest and raw
but it is your name it calls

love's inverted ways
guide you like a cool breeze of wind
gently pushing us away from a
stand-still

love is not black and white
it is not forthcoming like so
love is a concept ...
a figment of one's imagination
probably thought up on a lazy
saturday afternoon
or 4:00 am on a monday morning

love hides in unexpected corners
it is now for you to find it
(b.d.s.)

the slight knock on the door
is it the one that i adore?
your voice is near my door

the window is open slightly
ever so slightly
you knock once more
this time the door invites you warmly

i opened the door thinking you were there
the indefinite moan of your name
slips from my lips

i close the door
but i hear you once more
the wind carries the ever-so-slight
warble of our lips in synchronization

as i turn towards the next corridor
your blood is on the floor
it streaks -
missing you more

i miss
the cool breeze of your lips
that dullens my  pain
cools my anger
intensifies my desires

numb my soul
allow it to breathe
by shooting your morphine
down my soul
and
heal my lost heart
broken and cold

(b.d.s)

thoughts are an endless stream
of rhythms and melodies
stating emotions the mouth can not express

thoughts bridge the space
between here and now
and longs for the uncreated memories
of eternity

thoughts make the writer wise
every time they write
thoughts also show the fool
their foolish ways

(b.d.s.)

black counter
vacant chairs
running water

erased marks
abstract thoughts
delusional past-times
forgotten melodies

what had been long forgotten
was brought back current existence
broken desires
were sealed by unforgotten lies

(b.d.s)

pink sky
drizzled with the radiance of
the morning sun
the earth holds this precious light

purple smoke
dissipates into
the woven clouds
the sky holds the secret

luscious greens
mixed with aqua blues
soothes the serene landscape
the land expresses a longing desire
to be one

(b.d.s.)

do you feel this pain
i know you see me
trying to hide it

i know you see me in my pain
you walk away
everyday
with space between words
that could have been

i wish you would see my pain
and maybe try to kiss it away
like you once did
mend my broken heart

(b.d.s)

i've loved
then i have lost you

it happened so fast
like as an animal's heart
is slaughtered by an arrow

but only the arrow
pierces through my heart
like an arrow with the sharpest point

it leaves an open wound
to show how much i have loved
and how much i have lost

(b.d.s)

heartbroken by dusk
as the hour draws near
two worlds will be drawn apart
rippling after effects of love lost


the water shall ripple no more
when you have found your new girl
all will be calm

as i sink to the bottom of the ocean
like the other forgotten stones

(b.d.s)

i am lost
lost in thought
am i lost

where am i
i am where
am i where

paralyzed by eunoia
lost in dreams
please help me find what i mean

(b.d.s)

strum my love strings
they are aching to be strummed
be the verse to my refrain

a song is not complete without melody
just as the heart is not complete without love
my heart is like a table for two
with one chair ready
inviting you to stay

be that first note
in my heart's song
it is waiting for you
to begin

(b.d.s)