Dawn - Hello Poetry

Dawn May 2019

Chest heaving and full,
air stretching your skin into a thin paper sheet.

A moment where you avoid your reflection,
until every piece of clothing is peeled off,
the cover cascading into silky wrinkles on the ice tile.

A moment when you finally meet your voided gaze.
eyes hardened,
decided, as your hands work through the memory.

A moment you dig into the thin paper until the fuel in your chest deflates,
red exudes and pools.

There is a moment when only pain matters,
the sting taking over and dulling your senses.
-A Moment like nothing else.

disclaimer: this isn't an attempt to romanticize self harm, just a way to cope with its nature.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255

#healing #sadness #self #panic #depression

Dawn Mar 2019

Hold Me Close

Eyes are full,
hugging mine
held without
a touch.
Gravity keeps me
planted,
still,
floating-
a press of flesh,
a pull through the chest
magnets penetrate
deeper than skin.
a force unlike,
uncanny,
unreal,
floating-
but it still holds you close.

#eyes #love #happiness #floating #gravity #likeness #kiss #****

Dawn Jan 2019

Survival

We cling and attach to anyone who stabilizes;
sway in the wind wistfully high as dandelion seeds carry.
We plant ourselves in the ground for survival, but some make the mistake of planting into others.
Our survival relies on those we feed on. Dependent and Fastened. My skin adhered to the thick of your heart.

Why do we deem it necessary to grab fistfuls of each others flesh?
Our instinct reminds us that we are grains of sand when not connected in tandem with one another. We rather starve than feel alone.

Id rather starve and strain every cell of myself.
Breathing seems difficult as your absence weighs heavily on my chest. I cant tell if i'm a lost grain of sand floating along seeding dandelions or if i'm rooted and heaving.
Either way seems unbearable without you.

But in your absence, instead of clinging onto flesh, instead of treating myself as adhesive and surviving for the sake of your breath;

I am living with the pain you made.

#surviving #heartbreak #loss #love #living #pain

Dawn Dec 2018

River of Glass

Warm sunshine beating on my back.
Green vines dancing the width of a tree trunk.
Trickling streams fall off mossy rocks, like tiny diamonds, absorbed into the river of glass.
Will I shatter the river?
Could my body perfectly absorb and flow with the glaceing current?
I haven't decided.

#nature #suicidal #depression #future #hopeless

Dawn Nov 2018

Falling Out

I'm afraid that the spark is dying.
thinking about you isn't the same.
feeling you isn't what I remember.
but loving you has always been constant.
I have fallen in, which is what I was once scared of
but I'm truly afraid of falling out.

#relationships #love #afraid

Dawn Nov 2018

Decided Horizon

The horizon is laid out like a flat dead line.
An end with no push or pull.
I don't remember when it used to be this way. Decided.
It seemed as if the land could stretch the volume of the sphere it claims to be, like the soft sheet of a bed.
Now, all that can be seen by the naked eye is the invisible aggressive gate, weighing its prisoners trapped.
The key thrown in space.
How could I attempt to find this key? The action will only be useless.
I will only swim through blurry haze , never finding the solid ground I once knew. Decided.
The more I fill with unbearable ending, the further the lifeless horizon appears; every last bit of hope disintegrating into star dust.
One day the gate will unlock and reveal how far the horizon can go.
Dancing fields that fold into mountains. Inspiring sights and dreams glazing your finger tips.
But I will stay in my dead end. the horizon will stay decided. my worth will always be questioned.

#depressed #inevitable #stuck #belonging

— The End —