You never were the one to wait your turn
Blaming me for every bridge you burn
****** me of all for which I yearn
A pupil pilloried will never learn

I tried to rectify my own
Now I’m left petrified and cold
And I believe I’m in a bind
Can’t seem to find my nevermind
The weight of late is getting hard to hold

Vacant eyes that search but never find
Often open but forever blind
Lose perspective as my thoughts unwind
This borderline suggests I’m not your kind

woke today, with an ache in my head
seems to me, i’d be better off dead
it’s safe to say, the candle’s burning at both ends
ive ceased to pay, these consequential dividends

i know ive made the same mistake a million times
but if i have a hangover it’ll be all mine

cabin fevers gonna put me out my mind
every lines a border wall too ******* high to climb
every day is all the same, the same old ******* walls
“everybody feels the same”, well that’s no help at all

let me out!!! let me out!!

so bored so bored so ******* bored
i’ll never get away
wasting, wasting all my time
i’m wasted every day
runnin round in circles like a rat stuck in a cage
this ******* book is blank i wanna tear out every page

i dont understand why i let you confess
all the things i’d inevitably contest
i cannot explain why i can feel so stressed
my emotions are so still, ungrown, repressed

you only let me hurt myself
these wounds secure your place in hell

you can only show the things you loathe, detest
shrink me down to what you understand, success
my explosive temper is a second guess
under my control, suggestion, hate, detest

Tired of my mind killin me from the inside
I don't wanna live don't wanna die so I guess I've
Gotta make a compromise to get me through
Lobotomized and sodomized, a cauterized wound
I'm infatuated with the things that ****
I just can't decide upon the red or blue pill
My afflictions give me everything I need
Deny the accusations that I'm driven by my greed

I don't wanna **** but I appreciate homicide as an art
I don't even know what I stand for
I can't even find a place to start
I don't wanna live, but I can't think of any way I'd like to die
So I guess I've gotta compromise
Create another wound to cauterize

I've got a rubberface
Rubber arms, rubber taste
The sloshing pit I make
Does more harm than I take
Peel my eyes one layer deep
And fry the slivers up to keep
I weep, a creature feeds the creep
What you perceive is just skin deep
Crusty crisps of cornea
Sell big in California
But I must warn ya,
What you see is more than bargained for ya
Limping gait on limp old limbs
Swollen canister to rim
Go with him, a restless whim
Bare witness to a songless hymn

Pen to page, my pointless proverbs
Kettles on, forgot the water
Wasted time is wasted space
Letdown, seems its all it takes
Clean the *** and purify
Only me, myself and lies
Canopy of granule paste
Gagging on the rancid taste
Chorus warbles into gain
Amplified the great white plain
Stale thoughts of how and why
Leave my memories mystified
Boiled river's steaming stew
Bubbles deep inside of you
Cankers soar across my lips
Leading these into abyss
Candy coated carmine stain
Sway the crowd to your disdain
Pen to page, my pointless proverbs
Dont know why I even bother

And to my own dismay I've hunkered myself
Into a lonely little corner where I keep to myself
Cause everyone that I befriend can only think of themself
So this ones going out to you guys are you still in good health?
Do you miss your little friend that you could keep on the shelf
Until you started having problems and you needed some help?
Go **** yourself, you're just a bunch of ****** two faced snakes
I'll drain enough blood from your body to fill two great lakes
I'll take a hockey stick and ******* in the *** til it breaks
And pull it out so fast your ******* will just quiver and gape
You think that mouthing off to me wasn't your biggest mistake?
I'll strap a cattle to a pair of stilts, I'm raising the stakes
I'm gonna desecrate you, decimate you, I'm a ******, Norman Bates
I'll cut you up real small and send a piece of you to every state
Congratulations, salutations, glad your life's so ******* great
I would catch up but I'd much rather sit at home and *******

i want to bleed until i'm beautiful

the more my life flows from the rips in my flesh
the closer i'll be to the only way i can be pretty

i want you to love me like a cassette tape

passionately and wholly, burning in your soul
until the tape unwinds
and you have no more use for me
use me up, and spit me out, baby

i want to cry myself to death
i want to scream and bellow and wail until there's no sound left
no more tears to cry
no more whimpers to squeak out
and the anguish is so much i can feel it in my bones
and i lay there dry heaving, my stomach sore and my eyes puffy and red

                                                and i look at myself
                                                       you pathetic ******* coward
                                                               real men dont ******* cry
                                                                       cover your arms, boy.
nobody wants to see that ****.

i want to die, you ******* idiot. there's nothing beautiful about that.

Roll over, rub the sleep out
Light comes on and everything is grey
My mind's eye's warning, "Keep Out"
Already, I'm fed up with today

Don't wanna open up to me
Cause I ******* woke up like this!
Can't keep my mind from roaming free
I woke up like this!
Can't say a word to you so I
Can't even ******* look at you cause I
Can't believe I'm back here again, cause

I! Woke! Up! Like! This!

no time for recess
your lunch hours over soon
again, i'll regress
back to where i was before i made it to the moon

i'm grounded, bound to my heavy head
and now i've found it pounds even when i'm fed
when it ticks so loud that i'm filled with dread
all the wounds cry out every drop i've bled

membranes bleed in classic fashion
seep into my brain with passion
pump my heart with fuel and tension
feeling like a villains henchman

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
i see whiter than the snow
and i dont know how far i can go

mr rogers asks for entry
everything gets past the sentry
powdered sugar makes me antsy
for whatever suits my fancy

im too focused for my brain
all the colours look the same
bow to gods that i dont need
if it'll cause my nose to bleed

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
i see whiter than the snow
and i dont know how far i can go

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
i dont know how you could appose
i'll just lay here taking several blows

i need you cause i want you bad
the sweetest girl i've ever had
is whiter than the winter's snow
i love it when she's in my nose

oh, i've been told to get in line
that my whole lifes a waste of time
but i've got everything i need
as long as i can do the deed

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
i see whiter than the snow
and i dont know how far i can go

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
hardly straight, no arrows bow
an early start for whole new lows

Tonsils set aflame
I can't complain
I've only got myself to blame

fight the need to pull the thorn, **** yourself to be reborn,
live your life in fear of death, clinging to your final breath
harm done even when you win, pride is such a deadly sin
count me out or count me in, til the day the world wont spin
fine me for my will to be, tax the squirrel the use the tree
sell my insides, scamming me, nothing in this world is free
shaping, taping back together, taking, raking all your splendor
faking, making us pretenders, facing, gaping black forever
bring me down and ream me out, fill me up with hate and doubt
tender fetal origins, generations' collagen
lets go out and hit the town, shoot one up and knock one down
binding, winding, finding sound, listening to my heart pound
bursting vessels 'round the socket, ball it up into my pocket
flyin higher than a rocket, once you've tried it, try and knock it
asking nice to get inside; soiled, rotten, blushing bride
with her hands between her thighs, only wishing for surprise
see our circle dissipate, seems i've found you just too late
all im left with is my hate, and the need to procreate
lose your temper, mind and soul, listen to the blackness roll
deaths compile and raise the toll, what secrets does the future hold?
wretched roaches writhe and run, while rancid tyrants toll the sun
leeches, peaches, pears and plums, **** me when my birthday comes

i was born all naturally
formed in a lax factory
im actually
a hack with ******* in my nose, practically,
every day,  haphazardly
stumbling home, half asleep
i cant tell whats happening
vision begins blackening
im whack like kriss kross
crack like rick ross
major brown boy to houston
be like, "yes, we have liftoff"
dont like me when i'm *******
cause *****, i'm bruce banner
or maybe i'm bruce wayne
either way, i got mad manners

tearing down walls like berlin
preaching like its a sermon
potential begins to burgeon
i'll cut you up like a surgeon
killing in place of coercion
so you better lower the curtain
my head and my body are hurtin
so tell me how quick does the world spin?

i'm taddling on ya, you can call me a toddler
but the snitchin n' **** is somethin im never fond of
and i never grow up, cause i'm the neverland smuggler
peter pan turns into one of my best customers

i never grew into my head, im not cocky
never had the eye of the tiger, im not rocky
growing up i never got in fights or caused a lotta ****
but presently im screaming "**** the world", i've got a bone to pick

i've gotta problem and i think its the probable cause
you hold me captive, keep me trapped in your facets of laws
looks of repulsion are what cause me to brandish my claws
constant compulsions reminiscent of prodigal flaws
i've gotta problem and i think its the probable cause
see im a goblin shark i'll sink in my nautical jaws
im not a joker im a jester with lesser facades
wrought with insomnia cause drugs are american gods

who needs talent
when you've got funds
                                          money
                             moolah
who needs passion when you have cold hard cash?
a sensitive artist seems so brash
who needs skills when you've got dollars?
practice time like bantha fodder
who wants abstract when you've got concrete?
tangible things are worth more, my treat
who needs art when you've got funds?
who needs bullets if you've got a gun?

I've lost far too much to care
From afar, you touch the tear
Feelings marred, I clutch your stare
I've lost far too much to bear

Cigarettes begin my day
Better yet, they singe me grey
I could bet on what you'd say
Please just make it go away

Can't you see that I'm in pain?
Don't you hear me call your name?
You've just got to stake your claim
On the boy that never came

When the sun returns, my dear
Don't question what I'm doing here
You knew that I would one day steer
My way back to your jagged spear

So on the day that neither know
Be sunny, grey or white with snow
I'll deal out the fatal blow
And on our separate paths we go

I was never at your mercy
                                       Your guns were never aimed at me

perfect doesn't matter if you can't love
                          but love doesn't matter
        if it isn't perfect

that's why there's scars where scabs used to be
                                  perfect doesn't matter if you can't hate
hate doesn't matter if it isn't
                                    mindless

nonsense
                                     gone fence
                                                                              con cents

perfect doesn't love if it isn't matter
                             matter isn't perfect if it doesn't
                                              LOVE

one two three four five six seven, eight nine

one who sees your knives picks heaven, hate mine

                                                  I love you like Lasceration

plant the seed
beget the tree
protect the greed
neglect the free
comprised of thoughts
of two, rest, see
reprised and taught
idolatry

a chromatic eye now strips me
how long will we see it this way?
that which we acquired quickly
it trickles down day by day

i know that a movement ripples
i know that a payment trickles down
i know that a little by little
the ceiling will come crumbling down

i feel like someone else
i cant remember
though these bones paint a picture
that i know i've seen before

i can see, curiously
all the fallen leaves beneath my feet say,
"hey, i've got a real big thing to show you"

i'm lookin through the trees
and they're talkin back to me
they're sayin things that show me how it needs to be
and i'm lookin into me
i’m seeing things i dont quite understand
but i'll be ******, if i dont dig deeper

i feel like somewhere else
it seems so familiar,
and with the breath of a dragon
when the wheel of a wagon
gets a turnin dont ya know the world just keeps goin' round

i'm lookin through the trees
and they're talkin back to me
they show me why to question, who i seem to be
and i'm falling into me
and feeling things i cant quite comprehend
but in the end, it'll all come back to me

Floored
Box-spring
Table sugar don't look the same
But the nose knows no bound
Bounty
Hunted
Need a hit, smack,
whatever
Don't care hit me

Needahitneedahitneedahit its my fault
Iggy pop rock
***** of speed

Intravenous **** throw a party body's just a  canvas for splatter usurp a twerp and burp
hairy don't mean unkempt just a choosy bide hang low
Sell sell sell don't use sell use use use use use
Give up start over swimmin

sorry ma'

Nothing in particular
Just high
Addicted ****** ****

**** my liver
Kidneys
Dissociation is the key

I've spotted the freight train
Have I made it?

Bring me there I beg you
Spoon me
Me, the spoon, all me

Drink DRINK like a FISH

pop pop pass percocet
C-c-c-c-c-cocaaaaiiinneeeeee

***** ****** bored, dumb

**** my LIVER AND KIDNEYS
Dolla dolla nose job **** a stuffy
**** me on a tuesday, sneez sick puppy horsey

Cant finde me
Kant fine me

Run run run run run baby, yes ya do
Explain but not excuse

Substitute kkkills as much
Methadopamine or a xany ***** one night
Dextrahydraphetamine, ketamine meta-clean

Don't try. Understand to
Completely

Every spring runs dry
       **** son, 'least enjoy the high

Swine breed tapeworms
Filth and leech
Creatures lay firm what they teach
Mindless kindness makes you weak
Go now, turn the other cheek

Mother, choose who lives and dies
Weaker kin must lose their lives
Only one queen bee per hive
Only one can life survive

Swollen eyes
Porcelain thighs
Mesmerise
Timid guise

You are the one
Who clears my eyes
Who heals my brain
Who calms my mind

Forgo the steps
And **** the lines
Unlike the rest
They're all so blind

Correct the source
Maintain your high
And be the only thing worth holding in my sky

You've sold your soul
To the earth or so I'm told
That's pretty bold
For someone 18 years old

Rise and fall
Your sprint has since slowed to a crawl
You've got some gall
To hand me off like old dolls

You're ****** kid
You're so ****** kid
You're so ******* ****** kid

i know a knotty girl
her strings are all unfurled
from deep within her heart
emerged a poison dart

i know a topic line
the old one with no spine
embrace the ball and chain
disgrace her all the same

see you growing weaker still
but he can't and never will

i know, a simple death
cointreau and cigarettes
for reasons unbeknownst
he can, but she still wont

Freedom by the merchant hand
I don't expect you'll understand
Got my ticket waded
Pass and pocket
Try and knock it
Zoning so I lose control
**** like this just dont get old
Can you feel it come now?
Talking so loud
Standing so proud

Would you give it to yourself?
Would it get you feelin alienated?
Or would it be the only thing that makes you come to?

Grown up in a smaller town
Had no way to get around
Then I caught that 8 ball
Hit the white wall
Brace for the fall

Would you give it to yourself?
Would it get you feelin complicated?
Or would it be the crystal that brings you your clarity?

Push into my concave
Ripple off your hollow skull
Never met a fond slave
Lookin through a swallow hull

File down for plaster
Skinning clean your mended bone
Bringin down the rafters
Furnace of a heavy home

Call a little blow away to rock yourself to sleep
Soil over forty fay and sow just what you reap

**** the seed of prosper
Four entangled righteous ****
More than you could foster
Still, you might be over hill

Sonny won't you crawl away to somewhen I've not found
Crankin down the bank shaft cause its rollin rollin round
Caught another big one in a dental floss noose
Sell em to the butcher maybe he can get some use

The wrench of consequence so breathin overseared
Like hangin vultures of your crystal fear
Tar-blooded genesis can't seem to take your load
For when the oversee of canon road

I cant see
Thru the sludge
Hold to you
A silent grudge

Dilated open eye corroded second heart
Born of a silken mother caring dart
Sure difficulty may be lasting for a fie
Worse recognition of the other lie

I cant see
Thru the sludge
Hold to you
A silent grudge
Sewn in haste
And mended bare
Seems untrue
A false free dare

carried away on a 16 load
very deranged, come seven fold
ferry across the sick ones, cold
nary a loss, enlist from gold

labian lunchbox, kat skratch eyes
clitoral conquest, fantasized
cranial entry drawing nigh
flora, fauna running high

you're lotus-*****
structural frailty
lotus-*****
****, swirl, hail me

Cronenburglars stole my world
For the love of pretty girls
Cross dimentions, time and space
Somewhere that I have no face

Master what is thy command?
Tell me of your righteous plan
Bring to me the cattle's spore
You do this and nothing more

If you wish to spare his life
You must make a sacrifice
Dont you worry 'bout your wife
We'll make sure she sleeps tonight

Viscera comes raining down
Every city, every town
Diseases spread and do enlist
The pirates of the pancreas

Take me through your portal
Make me feel immortal
Student turns to teacher
Otherworldly creatures
Bureaucratic robots bleed just like you and me
If you're seeking answers I will give you eyes to see

bring it back around again
just to open up the can
earthworms call omnipotence
flying chickens have no fence

easy as it goes and goes
blithering mind seize the soul
granule stimuli reap my face
sweaty palms bound in grace

seminal sediment
choking on the grains
7 hole wall
on a backslide ride
carry rest on your shoulders
on your chest, holding boulders
crank down the bank shaft
hold er closer going down
crack rock
dark bock
framed my **** on a pulpit
golden toothache in wall streets jaws
tripping over roses
in a cold hand hold
rancid apples, candied roaches
shackled down, tenfold

mud slinger
skeeballing on the window
pulled artificial hair growth
climbing over nothing
toothpick pantyhose
brought another one down
wonder how so
caught a big one in a dental floss-noose
any other time wont be the right one
wrinkled lifespan sizzles in the saucepan
chewed bone drops
tell alice "bite me"
cold and weathered toys still work nicely

do i matter enough for my death to be an art piece?
will i just be one of 3,600?
what matters more, life or death?

cant have one without the other
like a child and a mother
so **** yourself just like your brother
and give thanks for one another

bring me some ******* clarity
                                                      do i matter?
                                                         ­                    or was i just inspiration
for a poem about how many boys loved and lost you?

                                     DO I EVEN ******* MATTER?!

im lost with no foundation
and im drowning on my own two feet
if its any consolation
it makes it really hard to breathe
i cant even think of you
without it bringing back the pain
of when i mattered
and the drugs
and i
just mingled in your brain

i called you in california
talked until the sun came up
and now your life is figured out
it feels our past is all made up

until i really meet you, friend
i guess i'll never truly know
was i an object of amusement
or the pain that helped you grow?

all my friends are dead
to me
to the world

whatever, they're all dead in someones eyes

i'll **** myself in the eyes of the world
i'll **** myself in my own eyes

but i could never end my life in the eyes of my friends

stability only lasts so long
when at any moment i could break
                                                     myself into pieces

presently, gently wading,
floating on the surface

presently
waiting

dragged beneath myself
devoured by the beast
pulling me

down
          down
                    down

to a place inside myself that i have not yet discovered
a place even i dont recognize

is it self harm if you dont do it on purpose?
am i hurting myself if i want it to stop?

im a depressed maniac
BANGING!
BANGING!!
BANGING!!!
on the door to my cranial corridor

im a manic depressive
slipping
              slipping
                  ­          slipping
into my grave

a grave that has been dug
for me
and by me

i **** myself on the inside
only to awake in the hell i swore i just escaped

i pull out a cigarette in the name of self destruction
making my way over concrete carpets
in search for something to light up my veins

looks of disdainful condescension are fired through me
as i dig in my pockets for my white bic lighter
that i so desperately need
to start my day of agreeable self destruction

i reach my man and pull out a *** of coloured paper
i throw it away on nothing
i melt it down
i spike my vein
and i dissolve
i am falling
into the world around me

this amazing, wonderful junk

the problem                             the problem                            the problem
with people today                   with people today                  with people today
is                                               is                                              is

when we look at art                when we read a book            when we see a miser
we see the paint                       we see the words                    we see the shell

not the painter                         not the writer                         not the resident

scabby matted hairy patch
sour incandescent colour
crabby splattered scary ******
our adolescent mother

sores are sordid, sold and scorched
broken out in carmine stain
***** implores on my front porch
smokin' bouts of welcome pain

beaten, broken, ****** and used
spanking, pulling, thrusting, please
me, i want to be abused
**** me and fulfill my needs