Helped me see
when I was blind,
There to sweep
the mess of my mind.

Helped me feel
when I was numb,
Sought for help
when I was dumb,

Helped me stand
each time I tumble,
Understood
each word I mumble.

Saw beyond
the change I went
Better now,
that it left a dent.

A friend I never knew
I'd have,
Thanks for refilling
my emptied half.

I scrambled my thoughts
in search for words yet I lost
myself in the way.

I see the darkness of the clouds,
You see the silver lining;
I see the shadow of the night,
You see the light surrounding

I feel the coldness of the winter,
You're the fireplace beside;
I may seem as icy, but
You're the warmth I try to hide

It has always been "No", but
You keep on insisting "Yes"
Unlike me, you're a ball of hope
For now, just let me rest.

* *

"A hundred hearts would be too few
to carry all my love for you."

You've been the same places as I
Hands linked together, we soared up high
Who would have known that the day I'll die,
My mind would ask me repeatedly why?

Why did it have to end so soon?
Just as we sat under the stars and the moon
We both had the same favorite toon
And loved to listen to each other's tune.

You were my savior, my lovely knight
who protected me with all your might
One day we talked, had a petty fight
And there it all ended on a quiet night.

So I stood still and watched you leave
knowing I was the first to truly deceive
Felt remorse as I made you believe...
Now that you're gone in silence, I'll grieve.

I saw a thousand stars
but a thousand stars up
above the sky is no match
for your beautiful eyes.

If I were to die, I'd want my
heart to haunt you
until we meet again;

Please be the light of my
candle for I will be needing
your warmth in this darkness.

Please be the flame of my
candle so when I depart,
my heart will spend time
haunting your ineffable flame.

© Aaron Salagubang, 2020

As I ran down, gasping for air,
I knew what this might cause.
Every step I take leads to disaster.
I knew it was time, I had to pause.

For every beat of my heart along with the ticking of the clock,
I knew what I was missing. I had to go back.
Remembering all the moments caused me pain.
At least now I know, love and patience is what I lack.

Why have I been involved in this chaos?
Now things seem more complicated.
Darkness, darkness is coming for me.
Everything is changing. Now I'm hated.

Constant thinking. Overthinking.
This is killing me.
It is pulling me back and locking me away.
I want no more. I need to flee.

How can I end this madness?
This is getting out of hand.
There's too little time.
My only option is to move out of this land.

But I know that is not the only way.
For this is all just inside my head.
I urgently need to stop this insanity.
At least without this awareness, I could have been dead.

It is all my fault.
I am the one who have caused this trouble.
I think of solutions, but never put into action.
I know by time, this disaster would double.

I wait and wait.
I am wasting my time for nothing.
Living each day in idleness,
But with little hope, I know there is something...

But how can I go far with this behavior?
I am still lost.
I don't who I am.
I need to decide. Time is running fast

Yes, I know it takes time,
But i keep dreaming about this repeatedly.
Why am I struggling to move on?
Maybe I need to try more proficiently.

I thought I was the hardworking and optimistic type
I was wrong.
I am so ashamed of myself.
Perhaps I have kept this far too long...

Who am I?
The question still bothers me.
I know who I prefer to be,
But i think it is time to show the real me.

I am afraid.
I don't want them to see this beast.
I don't want to know what they'll think of me then.
Once I've unleashed this monster or at least...

I have endured this for quite a long time.
I don't want them to know that this is ravaging me,
But if I don't let it out soon it will devour me.
Still, I am worried. This might define me.

For I do not know my true identity.
But I can tell, how I am in front of you is not show nor an act
Sorry for messing up. You mean a lot to me.
The way I say I love you is indeed a genuine fact.

I'm sent back
burning in ice
I glide on my skin
drinking venom
from these fangs
Oozing in the dark
Cast from broad daylight
Why even bother?
I puke out this wine
disarranged, how divine!

Tell me how,
Tell me now.
Tell me why,
But not a lie.

I shall rise from a heartbreaking pain
And you will see that I will reign.
Look deep within and see my sorrow
That's your last peak, there's no more tomorrow.

Can't make me stay
Even for a day
You once saw me shimmer
Now I'll be dimmer

Yesterday was a long time ago
All I could remember was I had a foe
I thought you were a sweet, little angel.
But that is only if one looks from an angle.....

Now they're coming,
Strings are strumming
I have to run
This will be fun.

Cast thou fears away–
A new seed hast sprout–forget
not the sun, my love

Why do you keep coming back when I keep pushing you away?
Why still fill me with sweetness when I'm overflowing with bitterness?
I already showed you what a mess I could be, but you'd still tell me you love me.
And that I'm your beautiful disaster; your perfect girl amidst all the flaws that I could possibly have.

Why?

Sorry for always running away; sorry for leaving; sorry for disappearing
Sorry for every single thing; for making it all harder for you
I know my sorries can't really do much, but I didn't really want to hurt you
I love you. I'm just a coward. I just want you to hold me tight and don't ever let go.

*Please.

I did my best and
shared with you my smile
I made you laugh, you made me care
I put on a mask for you to see-
Life's gonna be better for you and me.

Every now and then,
you shed your skin
Firing darts right through me
Doesn't that make you grin?

My happiness is a lie
But I try not to show it
I'll take you to my world
Open your heart, you won't regret it

But don't bring back the past
Please pull me away
Leave or just stay
I won't care anymore~~
And the memory perishes

It was a long time ago.

I have endured for so long
Now they'll all be washed away;
In my mind, I was always wrong
Not until you came my way...

The road gets rough and your heart starts aching
The sky turns grey and it started raining
You want it to stop, but your energy's draining
Overflowing is the sadness that this mind is making

Each word that comes may hurt like a splinter
But now it's all too much, nothing to do but whimper
It was all so sweet, but now it turned so bitter
Gone is summer, now it's back to winter

Your life was colorful, now it's black and white
Starting to get mixed up if you're wrong or right
Wondering, asking, wether to give up or fight
Just hang in there and you'll soon see the light

There won't be a rainbow without a little rain
But it's a storm that came, now it's causing you pain
Drowning in sorrow, it's driving you insane
But soon it'll all be a stain that will never remain

Don't give in now for a temporary feeling
If you'll just let yourself take time for healing
No more concealing whenever you're bleeding
And no more grieving that your inside is *dying

Could I keep up with this masquerade?
Before this towering wall crumbles?
Before I could finally open all the windows?

"The days of the past formed the future, but I guess the lessons weren't enough."

I'm just a tree
letting its leaves
be carried
by the wind.

I've met my downfall
now here I am to rise
spreading thin sheets
of layer
and a finishing coat
of dust

It all began
these tiny orbs i see
in the corner
of my eyes,
a spark that's made
of glee