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Aug 6 · 107
past emotion
cozyjune Aug 6
I need to find the strength to get over you.
It’s becoming hard to breathe.
My hands are trembling, my legs are quivering
You’ve got me down on both knees
I am searching for you in every forced kiss
Every time I called him baby
I had to close my eyes
Because only in darkness do I see the light anymore
Only when the sun goes down
Does the flickering candlelight
Take the shape of your burning hot lips
Wax dripping down the side like the tip of your finger dragging down my spine
Or the tears crawling down my cheeks
And only when I blow it out does the smoke find the form of every ‘I love you’
Trailing off at the end
Dancing into the air, never quite reaching its destination
The pattern on my ceiling is starting to look more and more like the scratches on my back
I look at the clock and all I see is every second passing by that you have not called
Every minute I spent wondering why I was never enough
Every hour, why you did not think you deserved my love?
Every day, well every day could never amount to the time I spent running out of chances and running into the arms of anyone who was willing to say the words that never dare spilled out of your careless mouth
Broken hands, drenched in blood, reach out to me in my dreams
Broken by promises, drenched in insecurity
There was never a difference to me
Scraps of sentences I never finished are choking me
And regrets are lodged in between my teeth
When will the strength find me?
an old poem i found clearing storage on my laptop
Dec 2018 · 198
the come down
cozyjune Dec 2018
i usually know exactly how to start these
the poems i write when they leave
i usually know exactly how to dip the paintbrush in my tears and paint a picture forgiving myself for the pain i have felt

typically the right words flow from my fingers
but
i can't conjure up anything to ,,,,
i ******* miss you.

im not sure if this is to you or about you

you never knew but you was my rock
i aint never written out of anything but pain
off every drug in the world
and the name in my heart never change
i know you can't say the same
i know you never wanted me anyways

and **** that *****
yea the one you used to ride for
the one you'd probably die for
you may have a past with her
but i was gonna give you my future

what the **** do i even say..

you the high and the come down

i write your name in the leftover coke residue on the table then lick the powder off my fingers
swallowing back tears
humming along to your favorite songs

we was supposed to be big
you never knew that but fr
we was supposed to be big

you had me feeling like ****** sunshine
but ****
maybe i just aint shine bright enough

we both had our demons
and we knew we needed to heal before anything
but you was slaying mine one by one
and now this life i live is the hardest its ever been
and i wanna run to you
but you busy getting ****** up with your friends
or maybe you're with her
and maybe you was healing with me so you could leave and begin again
and thats ****** up
*** i could really have many men
and i got many friends
but baby aint none of them you.

i see god in your smile
and maybe thats why i sleep in the church parking lot when my mind sleeps with you
Nov 2018 · 973
never Before
cozyjune Nov 2018
insatiable hunger
your lips pressed into my neck like a velvet secret
your hands dripping down my body
washing away the broken bones of the past
my back arches to the heavens
and i tear away the skin from your rugged back
unveiling blackened angel wings
wings weathered by far too many storms
as you water my forbidden garden
your eyes devouring every inch of my presence
finally lay into mine
draping my trembling body in a blanket
woven from acid sunsets and the fullest of moons
succeeding the surrealist of dreams
i lift a gentle hand to your mouth
and slip my finger past your ample bee-stung lips
you take me in as if my fingers are oozing honey
as your love oozes inside of my pulsating lotus
the petals spill from inside of me
waltzing atop my lust soaked thighs

these thoughts they drown me in star-less nights
writhing to keep my head above water
just so i can once more
perish in loves arms
and be reborn into your eternal light
Sep 2018 · 379
I tried to save you
cozyjune Sep 2018
electric birds paint trails of color over my head
as i lift my freckle stained face to the blanketed sky
I'm drawn to an addictive presence on the stage before me
my heartbeat drowns out the sounds
surrounding me pulsing through my veins
suddenly we are all on fire
i drop my jacket to the floor
can anyone else feel this?
is anyone else burning?

his ******* lips are against my neck and his nails are digging into the small of my back and every dream i have ever had turns into the color of his eyes

can no one else feel this?
im blind to everything but the forbidden fruits dangling from his heart
his one single glance wraps around my throat like a snake suffocating its prey
i don't know if it was the acid or the *******
but that beaten up boy
******
my
soul
to
hell
i am burned.
Sep 2018 · 946
My Guy Pretty Like a Girl
cozyjune Sep 2018
my guy pretty like a girl
electric soul, gentle touch
velvet skin, unfinished lunch
violets grow in the valleys of his ribcage
forget-me-nots blossom on her skin every night,
the places on her skin where his fingers last fell,
when the sun was alive
sunflowers hiding in her short blonde hair
daisies intertwined in moments shared
the boy wants to predict the weather
but in this garden of wild flowers
and wild thoughts
it never rains
the flowers keep on growing
occupying the holes in her chest
where there once was pain
his words as sweet as honeysuckle,
the soil
her blood as red as roses,
the rain
cozyjune Sep 2018
My home has never constituted a building,
never been about where I lay my head at night
Since I can remember I have been alone
I have never found solace in my broken family
from broken zippers to burnt out cigarettes
I have never stopped searching for
the feeling of home

You walked in and I couldn’t help but stare
I had no clue who you were but as soon as I saw you,
I felt warm for the first time in months

I saw fire in your eyes
and I wanted to suffocate in the smoke

I lied when I told you it’s hard for me to catch feelings
I lied to you when I said I was unsure

You stared into the sunlight sitting in that Mcdonald’s booth this morning
as I watched you I knew it was over
Maybe it was the way the glowing silk blanket of sun laid over the windowsill
Or the way your eyes no longer laid into mine
but somehow I knew it was over

I see only the best in people and am blind to anything else

I try as hard as I can to push people away so I do not get hurt, I believe you call this defense mechanism my attitude

your words trapped between my heart and soul
i fall silent
i sleep on your shoulder as we drive home

embarrassment already digging its nails into my throat
tears spread across my cheeks
as you hold me
I was silently begging you to never leave me alone again

no one had to tell us we were better together we already knew

my guy pretty like a girl
electric soul, gentle touch
velvet skin, unfinished lunch
violets grow in the valleys of his ribcage
forget-me-nots blossom on her skin
every night,
the places on her skin where his fingers last fell
when the sun was alive
sunflowers hiding in her short blonde hair
daisies intertwined in moments shared
the boy wants to predict the weather
but in this garden of wild flowers and
wild thoughts
it never rains
the flowers keep on growing
occupying the holes in her chest where there once was pain
his words as sweet as honeysuckle,
the soil
her blood as red as roses,
the rain

he spoke of our wedding by the second date and after the third he announced our funeral

i think we are worth trying
i know i make you feel warm too
and i believe the feeling of home
feels a lot like you.
Sep 2018 · 1.5k
written while drunk
cozyjune Sep 2018
Chills coursing through my body. The crickets are giving the eulogy to my passion for you. You are the only one who can **** me but keep the blood running like ice through my veins. You are the only one who can drive off and leave in the dead of night and I'll stay right where you left me. I'll stay and I'll wait. I'm waiting. I'm right here. Physically im gone, I went in the house and am faking a smile for my friends, telling them you were too tired to stay out any longer, lying on behalf of my hope for us to survive. Mentally there's a pile of my bones made out of all of our hopes and dreams, lying on the sidewalk right where you left me. I stuck them there with the thick glue made up of all of your lies to me, all of the broken promises. So there my spirit is, stuck in that spot, shivering and blurry eyed from ***** infused tear drops. You tell me that's just not how it is anymore, not how you feel. But when you look at me, lighting, it's a storm coming in over the horizon and the moon is screaming through the clouds and the trees are ripping in the wind and there we are, just in a bubble, floating through this nightmare. And you take my hand, and put it over your heart. Your heart beat steadies mine. Just one look my love, one look. One look silences the noise and calms my heart. That is not past love, that is not lost feelings. That is a ******* forest fire spreading through your veins, that is me.
was all true, written years ago
Sep 2018 · 201
Stephen
cozyjune Sep 2018
now the only thing in my bed pressing into the curve of my back is the corner of a ******* book and the only thing outlining the sheets next to my head is ******* wine stains

Get these ******* books out of my bed where did you go
an overdue goodbye to a man i thought i loved
Sep 2018 · 335
Swan Song
cozyjune Sep 2018
the bathtubs full with cold water - you place your hands on the inside of my ribs - the petals drop like last nights shooting stars - and you told me that was your first kiss - bang bang on my windows baby until i wake up - because no one can know that your in here baby no i don't want no fuss - nails scratching down your velvet skin - do you know how to make me spin? can you make me spin? baby i need you to make me spin - was it really your first kiss? - why do we always lie like this - cry like this - staying awake late in the night to feel your lips - on my hips - make me forget
Sep 2018 · 267
a song for who i was
cozyjune Sep 2018
he's playing video games on highway 67 and he doesn't know he takes me away - yeah baby you take me away - are we faking it this way - trying to make it some way - blue hues red hues and you keep making that face - why do you keep making that face - drip drip drip on the pavement the ice creams melting and there's no one there to save it - lick it up baby lick it up lick it up - and we're cruising - the society's snoozin - the record spins and we're boozin - loosin any conception of time now baby cuz your mine now baby
Sep 2018 · 612
who?
cozyjune Sep 2018
he was gone before the hickies faded
to all my hoes
cozyjune Sep 2018
she walks through the door.
she walks through the door.
she walks through the door-
her hair was so big and curly she must've been hiding millions of secrets in it and i wanted to know them all.
she was small but i could tell she could handle herself and all i wanted was to put my hands on her.
she moved past me and laid her hand on my back and i was five years old laying on the sidewalk, it was mid july and all the yards around me were emerald pools. the remanence of lemonade danced on my tongue, that was the last time i could remember being warm.
she touched me and i felt the sun on my face.
she walked through the ******* door and i was warm
Sep 2018 · 224
i want to forget
cozyjune Sep 2018
he made the sun brighter and the grass greener and the flowers bloomed in his direction
goodbye
Sep 2018 · 368
tell her
cozyjune Sep 2018
she tasted like coffee and smelled like gardenias and i was in love
Sep 2018 · 203
Surrender to you
cozyjune Sep 2018
You run your hand over my thigh. I look into your eyes and there's a galaxy above us. Stars are shining down on to us and I am blinded. Blinded not by the stars but by the look you are giving me. Baby I surrender to everything that is you.
Sep 2018 · 166
My Pennsylvania Boy
cozyjune Sep 2018
when you say my name
the sunset blinds me
your beaten hands have never felt my freckles
but the way your words sit in my chest
i know the warmth could last forever
i know this isn’t all in my head

red, blue, yellow cars
i wanna hold your hand in them all

i know it’s wrong for me to keep calling
but when i’m in the dark
laying on the hood of my car
and your music is playing
i can see the ******* stars swaying

who knew distance could make so much noise
but the miles between us scream at me in the night
to drive and drive
until all i see is white in my headlights

and you’re so purple and yellow
with your big t-shirt’s and goofy *** smile
and you’re so red
switching up like the weather
twilight in your eyes
the sun keeping your head up

so ride the train into town
i’ll drive an hour in my junker
just to pick you up
and show you sunsets forever

and that night maybe we can even take a trip
into the lucy skies
and you’ll know what it’s like
to have a bonnie to your clyde

let me plant roses in your skull
and make a bed for you under my skin
so you’ll never know what it’s like
to feel the cold again

i know it’s hell you can’t touch me
but maybe if you open your eyes
you can hear me

i want you to be free
and give you the feeling of dreaming
the feeling you get bombing a hill on a skateboard and it’s all laughter and yellow
or maybe when you’re at a party and it’s late as hell and you’re smoking a cigarette on the porch with a cute girl and you get close enough to smell her skin
the feeling when you wake up in your own bed and it’s been raining for weeks and the sun is shining in and you can feel the warmth on top of your blankets

whatever feeling you crave
wanna give you a piece of me in an unforgettable summer
that will inspire you forever
our song
Sep 2018 · 221
Addiction
cozyjune Sep 2018
I think I'm in love with the druggies
I love the ones that just don't have the capacity to love me
Everytime I'm with him
he's on his own high
On his own time
Smoking seven blunts a day just to get by
Poppin' pills, a handful is light
Searching for a way to leave this life
Inhaling the white, left and right
Needing a way to say goodbye
I look into his eyes and I see a storm
I'm trying to save him
But I've set off the alarms
He's on the run for more cheap drugs
How could he have known the dealer had a gun
He says goodbye and gets his wish
As he ascends into the clouds,
it's the highest he's ever been.
wrote this a couple years ago
Sep 2018 · 194
where is my mind
cozyjune Sep 2018
Where is my mind
the sunset is always pink in my eyes
skater boys ridin around, nothing but freedom on their minds
all the grunge girls just wanna be loved
all the rich girls just wanna be grunge
spending all their money to look like they spent none

Where is my mind
misfit teenagers are getting jobs
wonder what they're gonna spend their money on

Where is my mind
you're in the car and it's late at night
the radio is on and his hand is on your thigh
you're nervous as hell but it feels so right
he's older and his girlfriend is out of town
he picked you up, just to get down

Where is my mind
all the girls wanna look like celebrities
just take off your make up and get down to the melody

Where is my mind
he's sitting with all of his friends in lunch
she's sitting alone with all of her thoughts

Where is my mind
all the kids are swallowing the drugs
drowning out the lies
with the promise of love

Where is my mind
she's writing poems and he walks by
doesn't even look her way
look at the journal, stained with his name

Where is my mind
wait till everyone leaves the bathroom
sit down in the stall and muffle your tears
but just make sure that no one hears

Where is my mind
money makes the world go round
money makes a man bow down
money makes a little girl cry as she has to leave her house and say goodbye

Where is my mind
he sees her cheeks are stained with tears
hes known this look for many years
he quickly looks away as if he'd never seen,
and his eyes glaze over
all peace and serene

Where is my mind
open up your laptop at 2 a.m
figure out how many pills it'll take
to do you in.
wrote this a couple years ago after my first, or so I thought, heartbreak

— The End —