It's another late night
My mind is bein thrown into turmoil
Shower thoughts can bring up the past
What would have happened if I had done this?
What would have happened if they did that?
Shower thoughts can haunt you
You don't want to think about those thoughts
But the shower drags you into a false sense of hope
That nothing bad will happen
When in the end, you always get out, changed
Changed from what could have happened to you or someone you cared about
If only you had done something else
But instead, they turn into shower thoughts
Haunting and preying on your memory

I once had a friend who when we always used to play, played dead
I used to think it was really funny, those memories stay in my head
We would run around laughing
Where we would always be catching
Each other, trying to the other
I know that there will never be another
One day, while I was waiting for him to come over
I received the news...
And I still tell myself to this day...
He's just playing dead...

As a little kid, I was afraid of the monsters that were under my bed
Now they've come from under my bed, and into my head
Burying themselves, deep inside My thoughts
Buried so deep that they'll never be caught
My mind has changed, in a way that no one understands
I'm trying to pull my heart out with my hand
Because it aches and it burns me, they want it out
All they want I'd for me to rip it out.

10.
I wake up in the morning, my door still locked from the night before
Where I hid myself from the world.
9.
Standing at the bus stop, hoping no one notices the cuts on my wrists or my red, blood shot eyes.
8.
Roaming the halls I generally tried to avoid them, but they always seem to find me, again, and again.
7.
Lunch is the same as always, I'm sitting alone, hoping someone notices me...all I need is a friend.
6.
The bus ride home is full of more taunting...all because I love someone of the same gender...
5.
I finally get home, I do my normal routine, go upstairs to my room, lock the door, and get out my razor.
4.
I'll spend about an hour or so, making the same motions over and over again, thinking...I can't change who I am...
3.
My mom comes home and says that she is starting dinner, I tell her okay, it'll be about an hour.
2.
After dinner I read the texts that the others from school sent me...all the same...mean...discrimination against me...
1.
I'm in my closet...with the chair...and the rope I took from the garage...I'm crying at the note I just left at my door...I go and I knock the chair from under my.

People say Spring flowers, bring May showers
But those showers bring something even more beautiful
The Sun, the Moon, starry nights, and beautiful flowers
Flowers that I would only ever pick for you, my dear
No other person deserves the beauty that comes from those May showers than you do
And even though flowers last only for what seems like a second
There is a permanent memory that you will always have
Of this moment, between you, me, and these Spring flowers

Light the candle, a burning flame
I know it's dire, my time today
I can't blow it out
Only take it about
Everywhere I go, it's still haunting me

These lit candles
Are by their handles
In the hands
On the idle lands
Of the people, walking on the city streets

But here I sit, counting away
The hours, the seconds, the days
I'm left alone
Stuck in this home
Please just leave me alone, I'm too sick to go on

I'm losing control, I'm losing my sleep
Sometimes I wake, standing on my feet
In dark a room, and I don't know where
Where I am, I'm standing right there
But it still haunts me in the back of my mind

I sit in the front row, very first seat
I'm shaking and sweating, I'm trembling with heat
A heat in my face, that's making me run cold
As hot tears stream down my face, leaving lines so bold
I try not to make a sound, but bursting out is impossible
For I cannot help, my my nervous despair
But it was all so sudden
Yet, no one seemed to care
So with everyone sitting there, quiet, and silent
I sat there, crying, so violent
I didn't want to be there, I wanted to go home
Where I could sit and cry, by myself, alone

She makes me feel the way I should feel all the time...
Happy
No one else can do that...
Not presents, holidays, days off from school...
She's the only thing that can make me...
Happy
Without her I can't do a thing...
Nothing will make me...
Happy
Only she will...

Another night, I'm blackout drunk
I swear to god, I'm just in a funk
Sleeping in a pool of my filth
Of tears and sweat, plus my guilt
The guilt I feel for leaving you
On the front porch in mid June
Oh, how long, my time is dire
I'm losing control of my desire
Breaking myself down
Building back up
Maybe I'm just, stuck in a rut
I'm burning a hole through my skin
Maybe if I continue, I can see you again

Go ahead, pick your poison
The thought races through my mind
It burns a hole in my brain
I just want to get it over with
I close my eyes and pick up the first thing I feel
A gun, I bring it to my head and pull the trigger as quickly as I can...
Nothing...
I throw it down, picking up the next thing
A bottle of pills, I try and down more than enough, but they won't go down...
I throw them away too
I take the blade by my bed stand and I go to cut...but I can't bring it closer...
I close my eyes and I let the tears flow from my eyes
He wants me to stay...but I just want to be with him

I wear my scars proudly
Because they're a reminder of someone who I used to be
But no longer am