I was wrong.
It was wrong of me to not trust you.
But for just one second, I didn't trust you.
And now I can't trust you.
Not anymore.
You were wrong.
You can't love me and do that.
You can't love me and want her, too.
You led me on, you did this.
You lied to me.
I cry.
I cry for everything.
I gave you everything, I love you.
You took everything.
I have nothing.
I'm at a loss.
I believed you.
I thought you meant forever.
I wanted forever.
I'm so lost.
I am broken.
You have stolen my heart.
You said you wouldn't be like them.
You said you wouldn't hurt me.
I was stupid.
I should've known.
I should have realized.
I'll never be good enough.
Not for anyone, no.
Not for you.
I am alone.
I am so overwhelmed.
I cry out, but there is no one.
I cannot breathe.
My heart stops.
It is over.
I cannot do this.
I cannot love anymore, believe anymore.
I cannot be hurt anymore.
I need to stop.
My breathing slows.
I slide out of consciousness,
As tears slide out of my swollen eyes.
I numb myself with restless sleep,
Never to fully wake again.

Sometimes I wonder if you really care.
When I always come second, and it's obvious I do.
Stop denying it; that hurts even more.
I wish I could trust you.
But when you blatantly disregard your promises,
I believe you less and less.
It's sad how oblivious you are to my feelings.
You can't even tell when you're pushing it.
So I don't know how to deal with you anymore.
"Actions speak louder than words."
Whoever said that must have known you!
Because you don't act like you love me.
Actually, once she shows up, I disappear.
After everything I do for you, this is how you treat me?
Like I'm a convenient person to use?
Too bad I'm done being used.
I'm done with all your crap.
If you really loved me, you'd show me.
You'd try to step into my shoes for a minute.
But maybe you don't even care enough to do that.
I don't even know anymore.

My vision was blurred
And your voice was only a distant echo.
I tried to reply, but my words were slurred
So all you heard was a garbled mess.
You said that I was "too difficult"
As my throat clenched, holding back *****.
You turned, claiming it wasn't my fault,
But as I stumbled after you, I knew it was.
My mind was slow, fuzzy, as I tried to recall
All the times you carried me home.
All the times I was too far gone to walk steadily.
And I realized suddenly that I'd been a burden.
That you resented me for those times I needed you.
But I also remembered how hurtful you were,
How you tormented me, controlled me.
I cried myself to sleep all alone that night.
I woke up with a headache, still sick about losing you.
But I gathered myself and thought for a long while.
I may have been a burden, but you were an instigator.
You never gave me the love I deserved for loving you.
I can let you go now, for
I believe the end of us was your fault, your mistake;
I was only under the influence of heartbreak.

You're not perfect.
Sometimes you're jealous,
Sometimes you're overprotective.
You lose your temper,
You forget about patience.
Occasionally you're selfish,
Occasionally you're inconsiderate.
You make me cry too hard,
You make me mad too much.
You're not perfect.
You're not perfect at all.
Sometimes you squeeze me too tight,
Sometimes you steal all the blankets.
You get lost in my eyes,
You hold my hand 'til it's sweaty.
Occasionally you miss my lips when you kiss me,
Occasionally you tickle me until I'm breathless.
You make me laugh too hard,
You make me love too much.
You're not perfect.
You're perfectly mine.

The loss of my father is infinitely painful.
Never again will I receive his love directly.
My father's love was unique.
My father loved me unconditionally.
He made everything okay, promising he'd be there.
Always.
It was how he loved unconditionally;
That's why I miss him so.
His attentive ear, watchful eyes, loving embrace.
His words: patient, yet firm, loving, yet chastising.
My worries lessened when he was present.
Always.
Every moment I breathe,
That's when I miss him.
When I'm smiling, laughing: in joy.
When I'm lonely, crying: in sadness.
In every emotion, in every life experience, I miss him.
Always.
How can I live without his loving presence?
For the rest of my time on Earth?
But he guides me, walks with me each day.
He holds me close, reminding me he hasn't truly left,
Because that's the nature of my father's love: he's with me.
Always.

Disappointment floods my being
All the signs are there; I've moved on. You have, too.
But then, you are there. You startle me.
You wrap your arms around my waist
And my heart breaks as you turn me to face you.
You're saying the three words I've longed to hear
Your gentle, deep voice say, and you beg me:
"Tell me you love me, too. Please. Please."
Tears well in my eyes as I look at you.
I stare at the face I've memorized;
I cling to the person I thought I knew.
I have to sit down, my head is spinning.
That's all I ever wanted; I wanted your love.
My voice breaks as I tell you about him.
Your face drops simultaneously with my heart.
You walk away, leaving me to my thoughts.
The tears finally fall and I let myself collapse.
I let my eyes close.
When they open, I'm under my duvet.
It was a dream, so why are my cheeks wet?
Why am I still sobbing, grieving the total loss of you?
Is this fair to him, the one I say I love?
Because now I wonder: do I still love you?