What's worse?

Missing someone and
still not being able
to talk to them

Not because you
can't, but because
both are dangling
from a weak thread
A bit of more stress
to it would shred it
away

Maybe it's something
that I want - I'd
rather die once and
for all, and not die
a little every time I
contemplate things
in my mind..

But I can't have it
either, whilst all I
could do was put up
a charade - smile
and shut my mind
off.

People always seem to judge me based on my morals and honor rather then get to know me. Im not the best person to know but i would like to believe i have good morals and a good honor.

Being single isn't the best

But it comes in handy when your taking a test

Love is a distraction

Caused by an attraction

And can be a reason your torn apart

Love does that to a person

The habit does nothing but become worsen

It's an exception because you have fallen and can never be caught

Its crazy to think that my life before her was worth anything at all but
since her arrival my life has been more vibrant more exciting and more fun
and since shes been gone ive gone into a pit of self loathing and despair she was a beauty beyond any comparison but more importantly she has this rebellious against the fray personality  that is extremely different from these millennials who all live at home and want to be Instagram and Snapchat  models. She craves adventure she loves deeply and she steals the heart of any man who is with her for more than a minute .

Everything goes hand in hand
Just to tear me apart
And I'm alone with my thoughts again

I don't know what to do,
It's like I've lost myself while trying to find you.
It's like you make me suffer so much
But you run free without a care.
To you it should seems like I'm just fine.
What if I told you I was dying inside?
Would you care or would you hate me.
Well I hate me for liking you.
I feel guilty because I'm hanging on to nothing.
You don't want me but I'm carrying my same old thoughts.
I feel bad for you because I love you,
Meanwhile you don't want me to.
I'm such a bad friend for liking you,
Because you just want to be friends.
I still feel like drowning.
This is just another of poems out of many.
About you.
There's so ****** many about you,
Yet you might not have a clue.
You couldn't know,
You couldn't imagine,
How much this is effecting me.
And now I actually sometimes try,
To get you off my mind.
I don't want to see you and ruin your moment,
Because of the fact your aware of me liking you.
Then I think what if this never happened.
What if you just said yes?
Then I sure as hell wouldn't be stuck here feeling like this.
No, I don't hate you.
You can't control who you love,
And I know that more than anyone.
I hate that I love you.
Because I shouldn't so it feels like betrayal.
So I'm sorry but I can't stop.
I haven't wanted to stop but now I think I want it to.
Never the less I have no choice.
I just have to sit here with you tearing me to shreds.
You don't know.
But if you did,
I wouldn't be able to come within a mile of you.
Because I'm sorry, so sorry.
Do you know what it feels like though?
To love someone without a chance,
And for so long but not being given the same type of glance.
So there's pathetic and then there's me.
More rather they're the same thing.
I don't know what to do apart from listen to depressing love songs.
Ones that I can't relate to because they've actually been in love.
They've had a relationship.
All I've had is this stupid crush,
But somehow it still hurts so much.
So I sing the lyrics and want to cry,
But no matter how loud,
You don't hear me.
Because I'm not singing to you and I don't want you to know.
There's nothing you could do.
You don't love me and you can't.
You won't.
But for goodness sake this hurts too much!
I try to live my life but I can't.
Which is because I'm thinking of you.
Everything right now just makes me want to scream.
There's no way around it,
Because you'll never love me.

Disappointment floods my being
All the signs are there; I've moved on. You have, too.
But then, you are there. You startle me.
You wrap your arms around my waist
And my heart breaks as you turn me to face you.
You're saying the three words I've longed to hear
Your gentle, deep voice say, and you beg me:
"Tell me you love me, too. Please. Please."
Tears well in my eyes as I look at you.
I stare at the face I've memorized;
I cling to the person I thought I knew.
I have to sit down, my head is spinning.
That's all I ever wanted; I wanted your love.
My voice breaks as I tell you about him.
Your face drops simultaneously with my heart.
You walk away, leaving me to my thoughts.
The tears finally fall and I let myself collapse.
I let my eyes close.
When they open, I'm under my duvet.
It was a dream, so why are my cheeks wet?
Why am I still sobbing, grieving the total loss of you?
Is this fair to him, the one I say I love?
Because now I wonder: do I still love you?