Thus your life is stuck with many dreaded thoughts

But a promise of hope isn't fading

It shouldn't

This is what life is
a scented flower but venomous

I was told your fate is in your own hand
But again I was taught that my fate is in God's hands

Some days I get it
other days I don't

But I do get hope
After all its the only thing I do get

A centipede,
surreptitiously crawling
with a hundred legs,
listlessly crawling….crawling
until from a covert hide out,
it suddenly stings!

the boy with light hair,
had a thin soothing voice,
that filled me with care,
and held broad shoulders underneath,
his hickey covered neck,
his adam's apple always turned me on,
and it soon became covered from my peck,
and he would return the favor,
and would hold me tight in his lanky arms,
and I'd look into the eyes of my savior,
eyes that you'd never forget in your life,
and he held me tight,
and protected me,
I knew everything was going to be alright,
the boy with light hair was mine,
and he called to tell me he loved me,
and to make sure I knew he cared,
his heart was deeper then the sea,
and he poured waves of love onto me,
he held me hand and never let go,
and pulled me in and held me close,
and if love hurt I wouldn't have known,
because it all felt so good,
until the day,
the boy with light hair,
came my way,
and threw me around his house,
saying I couldn't leave,
and he pushed me up against the wall,
and ripped my coat sleeve,
it was his,
it smelled like cats and moist hair,
and he then held me,
and told me he cared,
a day later,
he striked my face,
and then I returned it back,
and when his friend left he took me to a place,
and he picked me up and sat me down,
and punched me hard,
and I broke down,
I cradled my face in my hands,
he stared at the outcome,
and picked me up and held me close,
I laid on him as I went numb,
and the boy with the light hair,
kept pretending he loved me,
even when he would beat me,
til I begged on my knees,
and every time I was with him,
I thought it was okay,
he hurt me so much,
but i still stayed,
I didn't know the boy with light hair,
was doing bad things,
I never knew it was wrong,
I thought they were all good things,
I just didn't notice,
how he was hurting me,
the boy with the light hair and his motives,
he even went on to **** me,
and i sat their and let him do it,
everyday,
he went and ripped off my outfits,
I never questioned the boy with the light hair,
I didn't think to do so,
he did so many bad things,
I never would say no,
I just keep crying,
and staying quiet,
it was hard,
but I got by it,
and the boy with the light hair,
left me during the snow,
he mocked me,
and called me a ***,
and I called and called,
and cried to the phone,
and I cried more each time,
the operator said leave  a message after the tone,
and i begged him to call me back
but he never will,
like the call,
the boy with the light hair will never love me back,
and I cried and still do as I await his call.

Silence,
is the loudest,
shout for help,
can't you listen?

What have I done,
to make everyone hate me,
to allow others to treat me so bad,
this is something,
only hate,
would of caused,

What have I done,
to make you all hate me so much,
because only hate,
can cause,
this kind of pain,
to make someone hurt so much,

What have I done,
to hurt everyday here,
its killing me,
inside, I know I will die,
and never come back,
only if I stay here,

What have I done,
because I want to stop,
I want to live a little bit longer,
but the pain keeps going,
I am alone with these fears,

What have I done,
Because now everybody,
hates me,
their is no one to trust here,
no soul left inside,
like theirs no one left here to save me,

What have I done,
to make you not care,
if you don't care,
as it seems to be,
then just let me,
walk out and leave,

What have I done,
to find myself here,
I need to escape,
I don't want to die here,
the odds never fall,
in my fate,

Please just Tell me,
What have I done?
Tell me, Please!
What have I done?
I Promise to stop!
What have I done?

I wake in a rusted copper red stained bed,
and focus my gaze though the window ahead,
to see the sun rise in a  crimson, flame, flush, shade of glow,
the view reflected in my eyes seem burnt, but cold and slow,
I see rose red flowers in the meadow,
and the shine of a rainbow,
the sea of dark pastels in a strawberry sky,
the cardinals fly,
and as I change my sight to the inside,
the fluttering spotted ladybug try to hide,
I get up and walk across the maroon hard wood floor,
until my feet finally reach the bathroom door,
and I reach a sad sight inside the white room,
the seen is diluted and blank to the view,
I raise my body in fists of hateful recklessness,
and crash my ****** fists into the mirror in elegance,
and helplessly the glass reflections fall to the floor,
and cuts me until my blood flows to the door,
the spotted ladybug hiding on the ground,
couldn't escape the fateful death as it drowned,
and I collapsed next to the bug,
and soaked my skin into the ****** rug.
and I waked to find a sea of vermilion,
acting like a chameleon,
as it laid in pools across my pale bare floors,
as something to large like a corps to ignore.
Vermilion red in my eyes,
Vermilion red stuck in my mind,
Vermilion red lives until I leave for the sky.