So dear the art
I never had to finish

So spellbinding the love
That never got the chance to turn grim.

Frozen hour
Hazy season.

I sent it to him one day, as I always did. I always had to remind him once a day that I was thinking of him. We lived in houses with no space for me. I was an intruder in our love.

In my life, I love you more.

It was true. I had forgotten how to laugh by this point. I had forgotten that I used to see my friends much more than this. I forgot that I existed in a world of my own. I forgot that now was a time and place, as well. I only knew that one day, we would be married, we would have children, he would work and I would stay at home until he wanted me to go back to work. We would buy houses and cars, because he wanted to. We would attend the events he wanted to. I would be quiet when he wanted me to, have *** when he wanted to. He would have *** when he wanted to. I would forgive him when he needed me to, I would excuse his affair because he was a byproduct of something much greater than us. There was only enough space for one of us to be wrong. I would forget that my mother raised me on her own. I would forget that having a family wasn't always better than no family at all, when he needed me to. I would stay in a loveless marriage because I needed to remember that there was no one better than him. I wouldn’t ask questions about where he had been, because he needed to be here and there. I would raise our kids the way I didn’t want to. I would not get tattoos I’d always wanted to get.

I already know this song.

He already knew this song, maybe one day before me he had heard it and thought of someone else. Maybe after me he had heard it and thought of someone else.

Listen, it made me think of you.

I had to love you more. I loved you so porous, boneless, skinless, brainless. You already knew this song. You always knew so much, I know you wanted to think that. You, too, knew that one day, I would stop loathing myself for long enough to leave you.

Oh.

I just wanted you to let me sing the song, too.

I finish your sentences by
Pulling the words out of your mouth
Lending language to indecision
Lending tongue to unperfected precision
When the others talked about the bad guy in the book
I never used my ears.
Horse blinders on my head on the fissured sidewalk
I finally saw the unfantastical you I was falling into.

I wanted to comb out the phone wires myself
To tell them it was all true
But with my fingers on your sleeping head
I could not bring myself to split time in half
And offer a moment where my digits didn't graze your face.
I could feel you confining me to the margins of a book
You were ready to return
But you bent me over too many times.

The first time we talked about reading
We laughed about how we couldn’t make sense of paperback
Unless we had a pencil.
We were more similar than you thought, no?

I still think about the highlights,
I still remember your lines.

For the most part of the day,
the weather's gloomy.
My bed-weather mood,
finally taken its toll.
In these tiny moments
of fragmented daydreaming,
my head and my heart
are clouded
by the very thoughts of you.

Suddenly, I am warm.
Suddenly, I am cozy.
Suddenly, I am at peace.
I behold this love from afar
although unspoken,
to have it in any other way,
I would never want.
Wait, is it love now?
Yes, it’s love now.
Yes, I can finally tell.

It’s not easy, you know
to love someone,
unknowingly. But duh,
love knows no bounds
neither any form of distance,
nor needs anything in return.
And I don’t need reciprocation.
It’s just how I feel,
at least while it lasts.
I’d like to keep it this way.

In this solace,
a bountiful of prayers
somewhere lies.
From my subconscious mind
to connect with yours, somehow.
I’d like to know:
how your day’s doing,
what are you thinking about,
what sort of things
made you happy today.

A prayer to get to know you,
to dive into your soul
and amaze myself
of what it’s like
to be ever present
right there,
in your world.
Because in my world?
Oh darling, you're there,
you always have been.

In a not-so-distant time,
any moment now, perhaps
we could finally have
our universe -
where there exists
two people
namely you and me,
side by side,
hand-in-hand,
as happy as we’ll ever be.
TOGETHER.

For some freedom is a goal never achieved
but only dreamt,
for some, it is the adoration of an idealism that is placed on a
pedestal to remain forever just a symbol...
But for the wild and untamed it is the very breath sharply taken in
at majestic beauties beheld with a loving eye,
for the wild and untamed freedom is the heart unbound and adventuring
in the many fold wonders of the world...
I see in you such a wild and untamed soul,
be that freedom's torch that sets fire to those souls that yearn and dream...
be that freedom that lights the way
©2022 Junor