i wonder if the only thing worth missing about me are memories?

tell me how beautiful is the stars
and how the moon shines so bright
explore every inch of wonders,
embrace the night sky

whisper your wishes
turn off the lights
tell me how your mind
floats in the darkness
when slowly,
you are suffering inside.

It is difficult to laugh
than to cry.
It is difficult to live
than to die.

It is easy to do wrong
than to put something right.
It is easy to forfeit,
all without a fight.

It is easy to yarn
than to share.
It is easy to be indifferent
than to show that you care.

It is difficult to sit
and to patiently wait.
It is difficult to love
rather than to hate.

no matter how many times
you tell yourself otherwise,

you will always walk
alone.

no other heart, no other soul,
no other happiness

can make you feel
whole

except your
own.

I'm lost between what I feel and what I think

Between what seems good and what seems right

I don't know where I'm going even less where I'm from

I don't know who I am or who I should be, I just have no idea

I try to see the light but the darkness pulls me deeper and deeper. I know there's an end but it isn't coming and I reach for the rope as it becomes more distant but I'm not strong enough. As I am pulled away the light begins to diminish and I can only lose hope.

I try and I try as if I vie but it's as if it's all a lie. And I cry as I die from the pain and disdain, caused by all of that which surrounds me, and the way in which I chose to see...
You see the pain never stops and it just keeps coming as I lie helpless as the bullets keep coming and numbing, numbing my body...
My body... I begin to question if I can really see the light as it all seems like a lie and life only wishes to see me lie, lie lifeless on a cold solid ground and cry, cry for my mind which is now dead... and all I can do is lie motionless as I am pulled deeper into the murky depths away from the light that I seem to see

Hey Mom?
I miss you.
Like a lot.
I miss dancing in the kitchen
To Madonna and Meatloaf.
I remember singing under the paper lantern
From the dollar store.
You bought it just for me.
I miss your strong, muscular embrace
And your scent of cloves and earl grey and earth.
I miss your long, silky hair
Just like mine.
I cut it all off last week.

Some days,
I just wish I could talk to you,
Talk to you about what hurts
But you hurt.
Just to remember hurts.
You're gone.

Hey Mom?
If you're still in there,
Beneath all the alcohol-infused blood
At the bottom of the cavity in your soul maybe,
Could you peek out from behind the curtain?
If only for a moment.
Could you give me some signal
Some kind of hope
That beneath it all
My mother is still here
On this earth
That she isn't lost to me forever.
That the woman who cherished me in her lap
Swaying me back and forth while I cried
From bad dreams or heartache
The woman who taped up my broken arm
And taught me how to make the best spaghetti
My mommy,
Who taught me to sing with beauty
And shared her green thumb secrets.
Please.
Please.
Don't be lost to me entirely.
Please come back.

Hey Mom?