My regret is
I didn't hug you tighter
I didn't say "I love you" as often as I can
I didn't give enough massages on your aching back
I didn't spend enough chats with you

I was too busy
I was too occupied
I was too depressed to be caring

I miss you and I miss you
I love you, I miss you
I'd do anything to see you one last time, hug you one last time, massage you one last time, talk to you one last time

I was waiting for you to come home from the hospital
But you come back in another home - in heaven

I will grieve forever for losing you

I love you, daddy.

as my day is drawing near
all I wanted is to be one
with the air you breathe
be one with the summer skies
that everyone loves to see
and be one with the ocean,
the surface level that shimmers
in the sunset
-- soothing and calming

i don't want to be one with my storms anymore
in which you shivers and curse
if all I was emitting is a loud, frightening thunder
i don't want to be heard anymore

if remembering me would bring pain and bitterness,
i don't want to be remembered anymore

i would rather be unheard and forgotten


forever.

...yet i will remain faithful to see (or at least strive to find)
goodness and purity in thy hearts.
i will always be generous to give away trust








hoping that someday, someone worthy will be worth it.

I miss you
Every night I do
We used to fight battles together
We used to build up each other
Don't become a stranger to me
Don't be the enemy in our story
To see you fading and sobbing
Makes me think I'm gonna lose you one more time
I said no, I don't want to let you go
We are meant to fight battles together
We are meant to build up each other
I miss you, I miss us
We are meant to be as one
Reach my hand as soon as you can please? I couldn't wait forever
Come back to me...

self.

I'm screaming
but there are no sounds
like how it torment slowly
my once innocent sinful soul
sees through my brown eyes
are the final hopes of life
I wish I could die in peace
than to live in this freezing breeze
have mercy upon me, Oh Lord!
Embrace me with your grace
And I'll know that tomorrow
Will be pure, calming white as snow

To shed tears and to share laughter
until the breaking of dawn
-- the only kind of break I want between us
We will make the sunrise jealous of our love
Because it is golden, and real, and everlasting
a tale of love that is serene and full of hope

six years in the making
put a liter of tears and toil
cost a million minutes of stress
and thousands of sleepless night

                         All will gonna be paid off tonight

six tiring years in the making
friendships come and go
but treasured ones are my four girls
been there through smooth and rough, but now

                         All will gonna be paid off tonight

six difficult years in the making
great part is learning knowledge
but the best is gaining wisdom
and the highlights are the shared memories

                          All will gonna be paid off tonight

six years of almost quitting
reason to stop believing: not found
been on the edge of farewell
few more inches before

                          All are paid off tonight

six years of hard work
none will be in vain
all the tears and pain
will turn into a beautiful gain
                              
                         When all were paid off tonight. :')

We are wild foxes
Fired on us, been gunshot thrice
But we're bulletproof

eyes closed, trembling knees
Took a step closer to you
All tears gone, I'm home

i have learned to be wary
of my own smile, of my own happiness
because it costs a lot...
of tears, disappointments, pain
it is very expensive and i fear that
maybe one day, big amount of credits
are ready to swallow me in
i don't want that.
and for a second thought, is happiness
still a choice? or something we always
try to bargain with?

I want to hear the screaming voices
That keeps your lips in dull silence
I want to witness the waves of devastating sadness
Behind your perfected calmness

Show me the way to your chaos and calamity
You are the only tragedy that I find worthy;
The only misery that brings serenity
Do not hide your scars, it makes you lovely

We are all wildfires sometimes that needs to burn
Put your rage in me and let me learn
How to be your furnace and when to return
The atmosphere of affection that you yearn

For whenever the darkness haunts to visit your night
I'll guard you to sleep and be your light

you said they're twinkling and that's beautiful
but you are wrong.
they are not twinkling; they are fading
yet they are still trying hard to illuminate brightness
with all their might but soon it will not be enough
is it beautiful if one day they'll completely die?
darkness isn't always bad.. it's also peace

...

Darker than black
Newly folded laundry in stack
It's 19th of may
Everything went astray

I've searched beyond invisible lines
Reminisce the joy of Valentine's
Until it went a little strange
Distorted, glitch of change

Ten feet stepping on the wooden floor
Sneak in silence from backdoor
My mom's tulips still fresh on the table
My dad's toolbox now disabled

Visitors are kinda too funny
They have unique way of greeting my family
I noticed they had many luggage in them
I wonder how they come here without a car then

Tonight, the cold wind blows
Colder than a frozen rose
I missed the oven-fresh pie
Mom's apron is now red-dyed

Ronan loves watching tom and jerry
Today he watched live episode of same story
I run to him like how we play with our husky
But I tripped off and spill the glass of rye whisky

They help me to clean the mess
All I wanna do now is rest
I drained my energy playing
The game where I know I'm not winning

The guests are now leaving with smiles
Their boots stained linings of tiles
I couldn't wave goodbye
I'm too busy to give a sigh

It's cold here behind yellow light
uncomfortable and slightly tight
boredom reigns over here
still waiting for cops to be seer

he's so sweet
like a forehead kiss
that he does when i'm scared
or worried or insecure about
how i look
imagine how a sugar
became everything nice and
that was him
because he's so sweet
and it feels like an epinephrine
was introduced into my bloodstream

you are not invisible,
they are just blind

you are worth it,
so don't lower your price

your ideas are bright enough
to let 'em be shown to the world

you are beautiful,
be deaf when they say you're not

I see you doing your best
honey, I'm so proud of you!

his name
isn't funny
or what but
whenever I hear it,






I smile :)

Sunshine.
A beautiful sunshine
You said I am your sunshine
You keep calling me the sunshine
While I felt so loved being that sunshine,
You kept turning into a dark night of no shine
Why did you keep calling me sunshine
When you are a total nyctophilia.

I was walking home last night
my focus is torn between
the road that I was taking and
of course you knew it, the moon
it is always the skies, the stars, the sun
the celestial and astronomical "buddies" that I'll always cherish
calling them buddies for they witnessed me
and how I was, who I became and why it is me
it is them that will always have a special place in my heart
and yes, of course, except you
my heart for you can't even compare to those
significantly no, there is a universe-far difference
you are my daylight in the morning
my sun, you remind me to shine with you and smile
you are my moonlight when the night comes
my moon, you shine a light amidst of inevitable darkness
my star, my constellation, I could adore for a lifetime
my sky, you are my favorite shade of blue :>
my world, my galaxy, my universe, my aurora borealis
and all of that beautiful phenomena...

I was walking home last night
I smiled because I realized, even my home is you.

your life is a blessing to this world
you added an array of hope
to those who are weary like me
your eyes sees with mercy and compassion
if only others would see through them,
it would be a more harmonious place to live in
your hands are gentle and caring
it wipes away so many tears
your mind is a deep well and it blooms wisdom
you have the lips of an angel that speaks of good things
you might not realize it but your happy soul
is contagious and it feels warm
that is why you are so dear to many
but I ,
I want to make you feel loved the most
in every areas, in every seasons of our life
you are indeed a blessing that is ought  to be treasured forever
and I am indeed blessed to be the one to hold you forever

I am not able to cross out
My calendar in the wall anymore
It's been days turned into weeks
I am lost on what date today is
But I prefer no one would tell me
Do not visit my home
I am busy doing nothing and
I don't want to be bothered
I do not know the answer to your
"How are you?" so please
Do not ask that
I am also not asking for advice
Do not tell me what to do,
It just annoys me
My laments are getting scarier each night
I couldn't put into words and can't help it
So I become grumpy and irritated
I wasn't able to take a bathe and I feel, smell and look like a real mess
I am sorry.
I hate to live like this.
I sleep a lot but my body aches
I tend to overeat or to starve
One minute I'm laughing, the next thing is I'm crying
Creepy because there's no trend
Label me crazy but never pity
I don't need sympathy from the same world that cursed me
My flesh was bleeding, but now I'm just waiting for it to scar
I hope it goes like that in my life too.
I hate this, double as I hate myself...

when you both smiled at the camera
I captured it with my two teary eyes
when you held her hand
and she held yours
the walls that covers my soft soul,
it breaks.
you've exposed me in so much danger
my fragile heart weeps
when you walk away and let me
stare at you until you're gone
i felt numb
my whole body was shaking
when you took my heart away
then slowly break it everyday
the day you decided to follow your happiness
that was the day you left me
yes, you're happy without me

you don't even have to read this one
you're way too good in breaking my heart

With its strong, high walls
​I will rebuild my castle
No thief could enter

I can't stay














...being mad at you,
...being stone-cold at you,
...befriending pride and hating the things you do,
...being a coward by not letting you know how much I care
how much I love, how far I could run for you and with you

I just can't stay any longer without you :<

and so I'll go

...start every morning with you
...back to your arms when life's going rough
...fight not against you but with you


I'll go wherever you go,
you are home.

it's about an hour when I decided to write a poem again because
everything feels so wrong but what I've only got now is a wordless draft
on a wet paper



then I discovered a thing....




tears can be a poem too.

I am a poem who will embrace your soul
my rhymes will be in tune with the beats of your heart

I am a poem who will give warmth to your winter
December will never felt wrong here in my arms

I am a poem who will be forever yours
written in me are the words that will cherish you forever

but why, my love...

even if I could be the best version of poetry that I am


Still, I am that poem whom you will never read.

There's so many words that left unspoken in my mind
I was lost in thought and now I couldn't find
The right words to say
Is there even a perfect word to say for you to stay?

Or let's say I did
Is my voice be heard?
Would it echo to your soul,
Or be gone into a black hole?

You're just reading a blob of words
Like useless swords
Displayed but never equipped
Epitome of me, noticed but not picked

I can hate my life forever
But still love one part of it
And that is you
Ily.

Even if I miss you
(so bad)
it does not mean that
I need you anymore
some things are better
apart from each other
so as we.
there are questions
that do not demand for answers
just as we
we are the question
that is left unanswered
and I think that's better
not all answers are good to hear
and definitely not all are true.

love and selfishness combined
is just selfishness alone
for there are no two different things
are neutral
the other will subside and the other will dominate

How far can our minds could take us?
Mine brought me in a place so full of you
Where there exists so many figures and I'm almost lost
Little did I know that an idealist mind can break itself too

I came to crossover between the red lines and see you
I thought of salvation, but oh, it seems to be danger
Either a made up one or maybe an existing one
I don't know, I'm still searching for answers in your words

Having the urge to feel so I would know that it's real
Because I couldn't trust my reckless mind anymore
It could be the most treacherous thing in the world
I want reassurance when troubles feel at home in me

No one ever knows
the rhymings of my poetry
blob of words combined
And so do I.
In between these rigid lines
Are invisible tears and smiles
Passing through windows
Of soul through the eyes
Daring to touch every strands
Til the inner glands
What do I know, who am I?
I am just a typist who takes part
of my own indefinite poet heart.

summer strike
dusty hell-like
burning trees
and burdened tears
I got melted
helplessly bended
til hurts no more
'twas a dark humor
they're conquering cities,
own inner antagonists

a thought visited his preoccupied mind again
as the galaxies are making its way to her
this man will wish  upon the stars
because he knew that they will listen
and all the celestial bodies will grief with him
when no one understands nor sees his pain
thoughts of her is the best he could think of
but why it is like the best things are worsts too
he begin to utter words of i miss you's
but no matter how loud it was, he was voiceless
just letting the tears drown him in such sadness
if time lapses are existing in real life
he will replay every second she was there
and skip every fights and every cries
no, life's too cruel for it to happen
in the blink of an eye, she became like one of the stars
there in a far away land of shining lights
giving him hope, giving them hope
but for him, she's not a star, not even the brightest
for him, she is the entire universe
that every time he will look above the skies
he will weep and after that is a bittersweet smile
a pure love that is severed in the land
will be continued somewhere else
and he believes
someday, they will meet again there...
in a much better place.

isinulat ni: Stephanie Dela Cruz

\

isang daang tula.
sabi ko noon ay bibigyan kita ng isang daang tula
mga tulang magiging gabay mo kung sakaling mawala ka man sa akin, o kung ilayo ka man ng ating mga tadhana, o kung paalisin mo na ko sayong tabi,
ngunit pangako, hinding hindi magiging dahilan ang kusa kong pag alis, pangako yan.
itong mga tulang ito ang magiging gabay mo kung sakaling maisip **** ako ang kailangan mo at ako ang gusto **** makasama hanggang dulo
itong mga tulang ito ang magiging resibo mo, magiging ebidensya ito ng kung paano kita minahal ng pagmamahal na hindi mo kailanman naibigay sa akin

isang daang tula.
alam mo bang tula ang una kong minahal kaysa sa iyo
ibinuhos ko lahat ng mga inspirasyon, pag-ibig, luha at pati tulog ko'y isinantabi ko na para sa kanila
dahil ako rin ang mga tulang ito,
alam mo namang isa kong babasaging salamin na paulit ulit na binabasag ng mga taong gustong maglabas ng sama ng loob, ng matinding emosyon, isang salaming kakamustahin kapag gusto nilang ipaalala sa sarili nila na maganda sila at mahalaga at kamahal-mahal at importante...
ako nga ang mga tulang ito, at paulit ulit kong pinaghirapang buuin muli ang aking sarili, ang bawat dinurog na piraso ko'y sinusubukang buuin muli gamit ang hinabing mga tula
itinago ko sa bawat maririkit na salita ang mga lamat na hindi na maaalis pero pipilitin ko...
at sa huli naisip kong hindi ko lang pala gustong sumulat at bumigkas ng tula..
gusto ko rin maging tula ng iba, na mamahalin ako katulad ng pagmamahal na ibinuhos ko sa mga ito

at ayun nga... dumating ka.

ngunit tanong ko pa rin sa aking sarili itong palaisipan...  "naging tula mo ba ko talaga?"


hindi.

dahil hindi ka naman talaga interesado sa mga tula.


alam ko naman kung anong nais mo talaga..

ang gusto mo'y musika.


maganda, masarap sa pandinig, masasabayan mo sa pagsayaw... maipagmamalaki.


hindi naman ako musika... isa lamang akong tula.



isang daang tula.
alam mo bang kung nakakapagsalita lamang ang aking mga sinulat ay sigurado akong magtatampo sila
dahil naisulat na ang tulang bukod tangi sa lahat, tulang pinaka mamahal ko higit sa lahat
ito ay ang bawat tulang isinulat ko para sa iyo..
isa... dalawa... tatlo.. hindi ko na mabilang kung gaano karaming tula na ba ang naisulat ko para sayo
ngunit mas marami ata yung mga tulang isinulat ko nang dahil sayo
at wag kang mabibigla kung sasabihin kong hindi lahat ng iyon ay puro kilig, puro saya, puro tamis ng sandaling kasama kita
dahil sa bawat pagkakataong hindi mo namamalayang sinasaktan mo ako ay sumusulat ako ng tula
may mga pagkakataong ikaw ang dahilan ng mga luhang siyang naging tinta nitong aking pluma na pinangsulat ko ng tula

wag kang mag-aalala, hindi nasasapawan ng kahit anong sakit at pait ang pagmamahal ko sa iyo. :)


isang daang tula.
teka, kailan ba tayo nagsimula?
napakabilis ng panahon, lumilipas na kasing bilis ng pagningning ng mga bituin sa gabi
hindi pa tayo tapos mangarap ngunit tumitigil na... natapos na ang pagkinang.
inaawat na tayo ng kalawakan... o teka... mali pala... dahil ikaw ang umawat sa kalawakan
pinatay mo ang sindi ng pinakamakinang na bituing pinangakuan ko ng wagas na pagmamahal sa'yo habambuhay
wala nang natira.. pati ang mga bulalakaw na nagdadala ng milyong paghiling kong makasama ka hanggang dulo ay wala na, lumisan na
at hindi ko naman inasahan na sasama ka sa kanila
hinihintay kong hawakan **** muli ang aking kamay nang mas mahigpit sa paghawak ko ng kamay mo katulad ng una't pangalawang beses nating pagkikita pero
binitawan mo ako mahal



isang daang tula...












teka muna mahal, hindi ko pa naisusulat ang pang isang daan
bakit ka'y bilis mo namang umalis... hindi mo man lang hinintay na matapos ko ang mga tulang ito na nagpapatunay na minsan may tayo


pero pangako...


tatapusin ko itong isang daang tula at hindi ito magtatapos sa pang isang daan dahil susulat pa ko ng mas marami, susulat ako nang mas marami pa hanggang sa hindi na ikaw ang tinutukoy ng mga salita sa aking tula, hanggang sa hindi na ikaw ang buhay nitong aking pagtula...
ipapaalala ko sa aking sarili na ako ang mga tulang ito at hindi ako magtatapos sa panahong pinili **** umalis kesa basahin ako, pinili **** iwanan ang tunay na nagmamahal sayo, sabi mo iingatan mo ang puso ko ngunit hindi mo ba alam? ikaw ang muling sumira nito kaya't heto... may dahilan nanaman para sumulat ako ng tulang magbubuo ng mga piraso ng aking sarili na dinurog mo... pinili **** saktan ako, pinili **** lumayo para sa sarili mo, pinili **** maghanap ng mas maganda at mas higit sa akin, ang dami dami **** pinili mahal ngunit bakit hindi ako ang isa sa mga pinili mo? ah. alam ko na. dahil nga pala may mas higit pa sa pagpipilian kaya bakit nga ba ako ang pipiliin mo diba?


pero pinapangako ko... isa lamang akong tulang hindi mo pinag-aksayahan ng oras para basahin ngunit balang araw ay magkakaroon din ako ng sukat at tugma, ang mga salita sa aking malayang pagsulat ay tatawaging liriko at kapag ganap na akong maging musika... pangako.... huling pangako ko na ito para sayo kaya't makinig kang mabuti...




mapasabay ka man sa  saliw ng aking musika, kailanma'y hindi na ko ang kanta, liriko, musika, at tulang isinulat para sa iyo.

I don't know if this is wrong but
It never felt this right before
I don't know what to do
I'd never been this way before
I somehow want to fight for it
But will you join me in the battle?
I don't know
I'd never told you before.

When I was still in deep pain
I prayed for the aching to stop
And God gave me you
My relief, my joy, my comfort
My love, my everything
My overflowing blessing.

It is you that I think of when I'm sad
It is you I that think of when I'm glad
It is you that I want to be with in my winning
It is you that I want to be with in my falling

Huli na nga ba ang lahat
Kailan mo masasabing hindi sapat
Ang bawat piraso ng mga durog na puso
Ang bawat patak ng mga pulang dugo
Umagos kasabay ng mga luha
Sino ang totoong may sala
Isinulat sa pahinang gawa sa tubig
Ang makatotohanan ngunit huwad na pag-ibig
Kailan nga ba naging tama ang mali
Kapag ba wala nang makapitan ang pusong puno ng pighati
Puno ng galit at pagkamuhi
Bakit hinayaang maikubli
Sinong nagbigay ng buong tiwala?
Silang mga nabigo't nasaktan at umasa sa wala
Pilit mang pagtakpan ang mailap na katotohanan
Sarili lang ang dapat protektahan
Wala nang direksyon ang bawat bukas
Na mabuti na ring ito na ang wakas
Ang dulo ang simula ng salitang sapat
At ang simula ang dulo ng lahat.

She turns a blank paper
Into a marvelous piece of art
When her pen collaborates with her heart
Worst's becomes better
And as she tell prose
She use metaphors of universe
Beautiful like a wild rose
Diving minds into diverse
Magnificent land of her heaven
She accelerated the time when
Sorrows give an innocent soul lament
And though the world has no fair judgment
She wanted to make a world just for all
Even in her own poetry, she could fall
The outskirts of town will have a little
Taste of hope as her heart gets brittle
She realized she doesn't write poetries
For everyone, she designed short stories
With a fair, happy endings

I am a tree
The love I gave you today
is my leaf
There are so many leaves
in me
I can give you one or two each day
I hope they'll grow
within you
so when the day I die,
I could offer
my last piece of love to you,
My leaves will continue to live and
You will never forget me.

a sad word it is;
not so often a someone's favorite
and neither do I
because leaves
aren't always from trees
sometimes it is an action word
that brings out
a million liter of tears
if time goes back and
won't take you away again
I promise to whisper six words
a thousand times then
"I love you, please never leave."

if your hands are cold
let me warm it
if your eyes are teary
let me wipe it
if your body is shaking
let me comfort you
if the world haunts your dreams
let me shelter it
if fears are taking you
let me take it away
if you are worrying
let me be your assurance
if regrets are haunting you
let me say it's okay
if you are having low self-esteem
let me be your cheerleader
if you're lost
let me walk you home
if sadness consumes you
let me be your happy pill
if you think you're not enough
let me hug you
as I utter words of beauty
and significance because that...
is your worth
and please let me prove it.