I'm not looking for love,
Not even one fanatic idea,
But somebody I could talk to,
About things most consider a trivia,

I want to celebrate small things,
Share the moon in the sky,
Find happiness in our old habits,
Silly ranting, overeating, being shy,

A place far away from this town,
Where the clouds are clear and white,
Weekends under the lights –in the city,
Laughing away the fuss everytime we fight,

Nights discussing the dark theories there have been,
And many more yet to come,
Cold feet –the sound of burning fire,
Face glowing with smiles until it goes numb

If not anything else, I'll give you memories to keep
No touch, but a bucket full of flowers before I leave

One day, when the petals dry out, and your skin wears time
You'll recall the joy you've had, the echo of laughter and I'll be on your mind

Just like a sharp, wrenching arrow –you once crossed my heart
They saw you staring subtly, but I knew it was best to stay apart

I'll have this picture of you in my mind –white shirt, blue jeans
Running across the flawed fences, smiling, young and carefree

When you're weary, old hands reach out for a cup of tea
Maybe you'll realise how I reached out for you but you didn't see me

I'm a mess, I know
Back then I was eleven years old
I saw my mother fighting each day
Cancer really spoils you in the worst possible way

I wanted to run, I wanted to change
But I guess old habits can't be tamed
I longed for the attention, the care
I know it sounds selfish, but does it sound insane?

Things happen for a reason, and so I know
I was only happy when I had the stars that glowed
Little hands longing love, put on hold
"You need to change" –as so I was told

Why is it that when you say you love me,
Your eyes tell me you don't?

Every time you say all these things you would do,
But you won't

Things keep coming between us,
Sometimes ego, friends or the loan

Why after all this time I've known you,
I feel like I'm stuck in a different zone?

I can't help but loathe the way I feel,
A book on the dusty shelf,

I try so hard for someone to know the real me,
But do I even know myself?

If you care –I know we're strangers
But would you escape this town with me?

We could learn new things –compassion, tenderness,
Hunger for the ultimate, how to be carefree?

There I was yet again –in the middle of my thoughts. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts take me wherever they could. Every breath seemed like it lasted a lifetime. Every intake felt like a new life innovating my consciousness. I was high on the hope for something new. I had broken pieces of my heart in my left hand –weighing me down and down. But I kept on holding onto the rope of rejoice with my right hand. As bizarre as it sounds, I felt good. I felt relieved with my dark side and the brighter side. The car horns in amidst of this city echoed -one after the other. It was as if everything was finally in its right place. It was as if I was finally who I were supposed to be. Every thing I was feeling —all made sense. My freezing hands, the cool breeze against my face, the tears stuck in my eyes, the crowded streets, the sound of giggles coming from a distance –this city made me feel alive once again.

Amazing —isn't it amazing when you realise you don't need anyone to be happy? When you stop depending on people or things to bring you joy –when you stop waiting for anyone or anything at all to make you feel complete? It finally stops bothering you if anyone is paying attention to how scarred you are or if anyone is ignoring the tiny details you're giving them -those subtle cries for help..
It's important. It really is. Just like we need oxygen. We need that. That kind of assurance, that self-confidence –that kind of knowing that even if you fall, if you fail, if you're pulled down —you still have you. Even if nothing else, but you -being you.