and whether you want to hear it or not-
time eventually runs out.

and I know it's hard to accept
and I know death is
often times
petrifying
and it's okay to
be afraid
of what you do not know
because
I too
have no clue
as to what
awaits me on the
other side.

All I know is-

there is one.

After all this suffering.
After all this grief.
After all the highs to
low's and
the dramatic
in-betweens-

there is more to this life
than simply being here.

And a part of me would like to believe
that what we do here;
matters.

And even if it's a tiny gesture
or a massive shift in
humanity-

we all play our part.

We are all tiny messages
in fragile glass bottles
that we are too scared
to break out of.

Life is unpredictable
and we-
foolish and naive-
take our opportunities
for expression
for granted.

It is senseless to keep
anything back.

It is asinine
to believe
anything
less than
transparency
will bring us

freedom.

It won't.

Say what's on your mind
before it's too late.

And don't be one of those people
that say they

can't.

Life is a
constant pull
between
running &
fighting

and

your brain
tricks you
into believing
that

nobody cares.

It is all in your head.
Not in your heart.

Every day that you wake up,
you have a choice
to be better
or worse
than the day before.

And even if there
is no point to
this life-

let that be a reason
to ignore
all of the people
that drain you
of your energy
and let go of
the problems
you CANNOT control.

This world is
temporary.
This pain is
temporary.
This moment
is temporary.

And so are you.

Please,
smile more.
Laugh more.
Express more.
Do everything you can to
leave your mark.

There is no concept of time,
anymore.

There is only you
and what you adore;

keep it.

I remember relapsing on the floor of my mothers basement.
I still remember what it was like to feel my conscious
leave my body and
float into a complete world of
darkness.
There were no pretty patterns or
surreal hallucinations.
The bright light that everyone
spoke of
was not there
and I wondered
if I was to blame for it
being gone.

And at the same time,

I remember what it was like to wake up.
To see my mother, father,
brothers, sisters
and friends
standing over me.
Crying helplessly wondering if I would
ever be the same again.

I remember what it was like to look into their eyes.

And I remember what it was like to push every single one of them away.

I remember what it was like to argue and walk out on
the same people that said they would
always be there.

I remember because it was the only time in my life that I
truly didn’t care.

But here I am today.

Trying to find the words to make you believe
that I am a better man.

Here I am,
pulling truths from parts of me
that I have not visited in years.

But being transparent does not
******* me like it used to.

It motivates me more than
ever before.

This shaky,
raspy,
unattractive voice of mine
is all I have.

And by any means,

I am going to use it.

There’s only a few other things
I was put here to do.

And if speaking
even when I’m not
spoken to
somehow
saves my life,

then so be it.

Because I remember
what it was like to
keep everything bottled up
and how it got me
absolutely nowhere.

I remember being stepped on
and squashed
as if I did not matter.

I remember what it was like to have
no faith in myself
because that was what everybody
taught me to believe in.

That it was wrong to step out of line
if it meant losing friends or
loved ones.

And I believed them because I didn’t know
anything different.

I didn’t have any independence.
I didn’t have anything to stand for.
I was just a little kid,
four-foot-something,
trying to make it through
another day.

And for every night I prayed
for tomorrow not to come
to a God that I do not believe in,

it always came.

And even though this embodiment
of doubt,
that is my existence,
has never been a breeze-

I can only hope that it has been
worth fighting for.

That every day and every night
I spent hungover or
strung out on the floor
did not go in vain.

And all I can do now is work hard
every single day.

All I can do now is give every ounce
of energy that I have to
making a difference
on people that are going through
what I’ve been through;

to give someone a voice that is
comfortable and
familiar.

and despite the cliché,
maybe even some hope.

Because I remember what it was like
to figure it out

all on my own.

Tooth decay and
lie in cheek.
There’s a rotten
part of me
that
continues to
manifest.
I am bitter
and this is
why I
wither away
rather than
fall to
pieces.
I am a slow,
dying,
rotten,
seething
piece of
flesh.
I am pale
with
society
and intoxicated
from all of
the pointless
conversations
we pretend
to have.

News flash
News flash
News flash







nobody is
listening.

I've been in love
(or thought I was)
twice now
and I'm only
twenty years old.

I've spent my entire life
practicing the art
of letting go
and I lost track of
my losses
because I've never
been good with
numbers.

I have
added,
subtracted,
divided
and solved
my way back
to you

countless of times

and this is how
I know I am

no good at math.

I took a walk with life today
and found that we
are all connected.
I took it’s gentle hands and
whispered calmly beneath my breath:

“you are beautiful”

and then all at once-
the constant commotion
unfolding around me
came to a surrender.

I found myself staring at
solutions and all of the
questions that follow.

I am floored
by how simple
life can be.

There are no answers
and this is the
meaning to
everything.

We live and
we breathe and
we hold on until
it’s time to
let go.

This is not a cycle.

This is not
evolution.

This is not aging
just to die
and this is not
the human condition.

This is the experience.

This is the lifetime.

This is what we are
granted.

I long for a comfort
that I will never feel
and resent it
for it never being so.

I wonder how long
I have to go
and even then-

I am wrong.

There is so much
going on
and the cars keep
hauling
and the grass
keeps growing
and the moon keeps
setting and
the sun keeps
rising and

the story
goes.

I am not immortal
and I cannot capture
every moment
as I’d like to
and I know that
this is
okay
but as long
as I’m alive-

I’ll continue to strive
for something
better than
myself.

Even if it’s
not what I
deserve.

I’ve lost more than I’d wish
to lose
and learned more than
I’d like to.

This is what happens
when kids
grow up.

I am a product
of a broken boy
becoming a
measly man
in a
wallowed world
that has no room for

generosity.

The world will not end
with a spark
to the neck or a
chill
on the spine.

The world will not
die silently into
a night that
no good man
can bare.

The world will end
when the
human race
allows greed
to conquer
grace.

And my friends,

we are
well on our
way.