wishing the one i was hugging
was you
wishing the one i rested my head against on
was you
the one that held my hand
the one that fingers ran across my hair
the one that held up my head
and kissed...
it was you
sorry it wasn’t*
it was all my imagination
but i wished it was
sadly wishes don’t come true
but i loved u

eating chocolates
trying to be happy
telling myself
that there are
many fishes in the sea
u are not the only one i need
there are many others that can be
the one that helped me like u did
the one that cared for me when no one else did
the one that loved me like u did

i loved you
          i maybe even still do
some piece of me waiting
hoping it was all a bad dream
hoping that you’ll still text me goodnight
but why?
why am i still holding onto something
          that was so bad for my soul?
you were cruel (but hugged me gently)
you were abusive (but kissed me softly)
you were manipulative (but whispered “i love you”)
why were you so intoxicating?
how did i become so addicted
          to the kindness of your touch?
where did the kindness go?
i loved you
i love you
i still love you
i just want to know why?

if one day u would ever leave me, know that u will always be in my heart.

i won’t forget u like other people do.  i wouldn’t delete the messages and memories we made. pictures we took that once captured happy moments which fade.

u made me happy when i was at my lowest. u fixed the broken pieces.

it was shattered glass but u picked it up with ur bare hands, not being afraid u would be scarred.

thanks for helping me up
thanks for not giving up
thanks for thinking that there was still hope for us

i loved you.

Every night I write a poem for you

Hoping that someday you will find and read them
And then i know, you will hug me tightly just like you used to do
and then everything will get fine just like it used to be.

whispers in this empty room
with these lonely spirits
the shadows that stood by me
and there’s these creatures
that was like me
they brought me down
brought me more sadness...
trying to cover it up with laughters
we are the same beings can’t we help each other?
the darkness wouldn’t do that
they only gave fear
that’s all
i would rather live in it
than with the addition of these creatures

saw u walking with that other girl
smiling so happily
i think its jealousy
so don’t mind me
u talk to her
every single day
yet u throw excuses at me
maybe it’s not just jealousy
its just u
not making ur priorities