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...
...And I love you more than I do myself.
I love you with a heart that lives deep in the shadows
Where only your light could fetch it out of the barren wastelands.
It was your love that has shown me light
It was your love that I longed for
It was your love that I will die for.
It was you.
 Nov 2016 Alexandria Taylor
Lost
because the touch of your skin is forever my favorite sensation,
your eyes are my favorite shade of lonely,
the beat of your heart is my favorite base line,
my favorite melody is the one your vocal cords carry.
I miss you,
because your warmth is my favorite temperature,
your face is my favorite sculpture,
the way you walk is my favorite dance,
my favorite flavor is the taste of your kiss.
I miss you,
because your smile is my favorite drug,
your laughter is my favorite song,
the color of you hair is my favorite shade of mysterious,
my favorite scent is yours.
I miss you,
because your love is the only one that was true,
your intentions were the only one's that were pure,
the way you looked at me could not be faked,
my heart was yours,
and yours was mine.

Until next time,
*the one who love you more than anything
 Nov 2016 Alexandria Taylor
Lost
I ****** up again.

And because I didn't apologize for stating my feelings,

I was left.

Yet again.

By someone who promised to never leave.

So goodbye,

To another person who realized that I'm impossible to love and not good enough.
I'm sorry, Kevin. I'm not deleting this one.
 Nov 2016 Alexandria Taylor
Lost
I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.*
*My hair is too thin.
My thighs are too jiggly.
My **** isn't perky.
My face isn't symmetrical.
My body is unproportionate.
My stomach is chubby.
My ***** are awkward.
My voice is too annoying.
My smile is stupid.
My scars are too unattractive.
My problems aren't as bad as other people.
My depression is a nuisance.
My anxiety attacks are overly dramatic.
My PTSD is pathetic.
My personality is too complicated.
My laugh is obnoxious.
My attention span is irritating.
My needs are too much.
My heart is too damaged.
My foundation is cracked.
My dependance is exhausting.
My fears are childish.
My past is haunting.
My future isn't bright.
My soul is undeserving.
My insecurity is too strong.
I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.
Repost that became relevant again.
 Nov 2016 Alexandria Taylor
Lost
I'm alone.
I have no one.
And no one has me.
Mainly because no one wants me.
No one wants my baggage,
My abandonment issues,
My mental illnesses,
My broken heart,
My need for constant love,
My need for constant attention,
My pathetic excuse for a personality,
My pitiful mannerisms,
My self loathing,
My need for a new home.
No one wants that.
I'm not good enough.
I've tried so hard,
Walked so many miles,
Seen so many therapists,
Taken so many pills,
Exhausted every option.
I just need care.
But until I'm able to heal from things I can't without someone to help,
No one will help.
Isn't that pathetic?
So I just sit,
Alone,
Knees clutched to my chest,
Sobbing,
Trying to forget the pain
That losing one person caused me,
And trying to convince myself
"I'm fine"
When clearly,
I will never be fine.
It doesn't matter how much people try to include me or how much I include myself. I'll always be different to everyones eyes. I'll always be an outcast, an outsider...
It so painful when you're a really cheerful person, but in reality, you're dying inside.
And i'm not coping. No matter how much you think I am, no matter how much I try to show that I am; it hurts too much. It hurts everyday and I can't relieve myself of this aching pain in my chest and the heaviness of it all. I try and I try but I just can't. It just, simply, hurts too much.
Depression is when the clouds leave you for a while, but they stand, hovering, remnants of it leaked into the atmosphere, and if one little thing goes haywire, well, then it comes back. And hard. It is not something that can go and stay for a little while. It's always there, hovering, waiting for the right time to strike.
A lonely white cloud glides through an otherwise clear blue sky
Minutes, hours, days pass
Just as the cloud loses hope and begins to fade away, the blue sky blends into a dark gray
Just up ahead, the little white cloud finds a family
The cloud is welcomed as one of their own, and the join together, growing darker and darker together
They say farewell to each other, and transform into even smaller raindrops, about to embark on their own journeys
One of which includes falling on and around a sad girl, on a quiet hill
She's crying
Little does she know that her tears join the falling rain on a path to something beautiful
The droplets find their way deep into the soil of that quiet hill
And there, they find a surprise
It's a seed
Eager to befriend it, the droplets gather around, and nurture the seed
Months and years pass, as something begins to grow
A little green sprout starts to stretch tall, as it loses its greenness that is replaced by a dark brown color
More and more raindrops find their way to the sprout, encouraging it to grow even bigger
It reaches up into the sky, and spreads giant branches, and those branches house leaves
The little seed, with the help of the clouds and the rain, became a tree.

Decades later, that tree has gone on to be a home for many
Birds, squirrels, caterpillars,
It even becomes a place of good memories for a family
A mother and father, and their little boy and girl
And do you know who that mother is?

Well, she used to be a sad little girl, who sat on a quiet hill and cried.
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