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 Jul 2017 Aditi
Shanath
Blocked
 Jul 2017 Aditi
Shanath
In this torturous silence
That has lasted weeks
And burnt the night down to ashes,
I could hear my heart beat.
Like tiny screams underwater,
Water rushing into the lungs.
I could hear my blood
Walking in my veins
Punching the walls,
Tearing them through
The order of the heart
And pour out everywhere
They could run in.
Outside I lay so still and quiet
My mother should be scared
Of me losing my voice
But she isn't.

I stopped talking at home
Long back,
When I would hear the shouts,
The blows to the doors.
I feel my screams
During my growing years
Consumed the needs for words.
So I lay and this silence
Isn't odd
So no one is afraid for me
But I am.

How else do you
Know a forest is burning
If you don't see the fire.
How else would you
Know the ocean flooding the shore
Unless you feel the waves.
But you don't.
For you are in your buildings,
Behind closed doors,
You don't know when it pours
Unless you walk out in the street.
You don't know the storms,
The tremors that could bring you down,
But in your barricaded homes
You don't.
So tell me how will anyone
Know I am dying
When they don't even see me here?
They don't.

But I can feel
The waves,
The rain,
The heat,
The water I am swallowing.
Because I am all of these
And no one anymore
Can see.

Don't worry you are not the block,
I am the one blocked.
In the silences that preceded
the on going one,
I used to stutter.
I ignored those as irrelevant mumbles
But these are the sentences
That in those stuttered words
were broke.
This block helped me decipher and join those.
 Jul 2017 Aditi
Shanath
My City
 Jul 2017 Aditi
Shanath
On my bed,
The sheet climbing off the sides,
My cover a pile at my feet,
And a transparent stretch on my face
That blocks the light from within
But not without.
Tiny dots across the window
Glows like fireflies in the cone,
A dark, dark room.
(Rough edges.)

The world outside
A buzz of flies
Waiting to die,
You could use a gun
To shoot at them,
And they would thank you
For all the destruction,
The blood so little from them
You won't even have to wash them off.
(Is it even red?)

There is no glory
There is no pain
In the killing of lives
Tinier than our egos.
The buzz flows
Like the wind,
Or the air in the conch
The blood in your vessels.
If you don't put your ear next to it,
You won't even listen.
(Silence.)

I was twelve
Probably ten,
My brother held his breath
While he explained the Schrodinger's cat.
I listened the same,
I cannot and will not say
I understood it
Because you can never tell
At which age
Things became what they are now.
How can you tell, its your mind that grew
And not the thing itself?
(Questions.)
( TRAVEL TALES I.
This might not make sense but its a part of something bigger like a single day in a year)

Been away
Been busy
A few things took a break
But in a circle
Everything comes back.
 Jul 2017 Aditi
Shanath
Five years or more
Or perhaps less,
Does it matter to you
Or me?
Isn't time a relative measure
To make sense of other conducts.

I was here, this city
My idea of the west
That still can and will
See me as of this land.
People were bright,
Were too busy in their lives
To yell at you about the dent
In the car's bumper,
People would narrate so.
That was to me, a declaration
Of our true values.
Probably that's simply a story now.
But either my mind grew
Or the things,
Who will attest to it?

In my car, the fan on full blow,
The heat musty though,
The sun burning with a new found motive.
In this city of people with hearts,
I looked out my window,
Rarely looking ahead,
Maybe this is why I fail
To memorize roads,
Or streets in my own place.
But the car halted and
The driver mumbled,
The accent a lovely northern,
One that sounds too polite
To instill any fear,
To pass as a slur.

My eyes darted ahead,
So calmly the man in the driver's seat
Sat, his both palms griping
The wheel a little too loose to turn,
His heavy chin on the back of his hands,
His back arched forward,
So calm and serene.
The man on the bus,
Sat same, his back though
Stretched way too forward
From his seat,
The distance greater,
He, struggled to keep that pose.

Both man on the wheel stared
Through the double windshields at each other,
If I didn't know better
I would say they were friends
Playing games.
If I didn't know about the traffic,
Blaring horns louder more by the second
I would say it was a new game
Likes of the bull and the matador,
Tad bit less dramatic,
And less action and work.

But my mind grew,
And I could tell this was a fight,
Raging between the eyes,
The victims of the peaceful blows,
-Everyone behind them,
Beside them.
Other people screamed at both,
None flinched,
Them, as sturdy as their vehicles,
The elders grew despondent,
I couldn't stop looking at them.

This was a quiet revolution
Of the new age,
The calm, polite age
And I wanted to watch it bloom,
Like a sunrise,
I wanted to clap to it
And yet not disturb it.
This was on a busy street,
Two men on their thirties,
Fighting for what they believed in,
In their own way,
It was funny
But it was also beautiful.
(I knew both of them were wrong.)

The driver curved around them
And my view was a passing glance
Again.
TRAVEL TALES II
The silent passenger is there
To make observations,
Take notes.
 Jul 2017 Aditi
Nirvana
woh zindagi bhi kya zindagi hogi
jisme zindagi hi naa **
koi gam nhi
aur koi shikva bhi naa **

Teri yaad bhi naa **
naa tera koi zikra **

woh zindagi bhi kya zindagi hogi
jaha koi alfaaz hi naa **
naa tujhe paane ki koi chaah
aur naa hi tujhe khone ka koi dard **

woh zindagi bhi kya zindagi hogi
jaha mai naa rahu aur tu bhi naa **
naa koi dikhavti hasi
aur koi aasu bhi naa **

woh zindagi bhi kya zindagi hogi
jaha seeney ki dhadkan sirf dhadke
aur dimaag sirf apna kaam kare
koi khwaahish hi naa **
koi aarzoo bhi naa **
yeh saasein toh chale
bas koi zindagi hi naa **

woh zindagi bhi kya zindagi hogi...
woh zindagi bhi kya zindagi hogi...
jaha main naa rahu aur tum bhi naa **
yeh **** toh rahe
par koi aatma naa **
yeh saasein toh chale
bas koi zindagi hi naa **

woh zindagi bhi kya zindagi hogi...
jaha main naa rahu aur tum bhi naa **...!
 Jul 2017 Aditi
Shanath
I stood facing the wind
Closing my eyes,
Picturing my worries being torn from me
In a stretch behind
Almost making a wing.
In my quest for some enlightenment
Or at least an epiphany long due,
I thought I heard some music,
A coded message from the skies
But then I realized it was my beeping machine
                                                      Beeping.

We have ran out of all the magic
(Or we have gotten used to it)!
To give away everything
But my heart.
 Jul 2017 Aditi
Alvira Perdita
this is the story of a girl
who is conditioned to believe
that her achievements aren't worth
celebrating, because there are
others doing better than her.

this is the story of a girl,
who's afraid to talk in a group
because she's been conditioned
to believe that what she has to say
isn't worth adding to the conversation;
tired of having people talk over her.'

this is the story of a girl,
who's afraid to in the dark,
afraid that one of the horrors in her
mind have managed to crawl out
and haunt her.

this is the story of a girl,
who never feels like she's good enough.
a girl who tries her best with every
chance, but she's been conditioned
to believe that she can't do it.

this is the story of a girl,
who second guesses every opinion
that she shares, because she's been
conditioned to think that her opinion
is one of those that doesn't matter.

this is the story of a girl,
who feels like she doesn't matter,
because when she was reaching out,
desperate for someone to tell her that she
will be okay, nobody paid her attention.

this is the story of a girl,
who often loses hope, and always
find it difficult to regain it.
i never know what's safe anymore.
 Jul 2017 Aditi
Lora Lee
words fell
    like broken
        glass
                from
your lips
                onto
bloodstained
                       carpet
lacerations
              searing your
bruised heart,
      transplanting
              its jagged rips
into mine
  beats sharply feathered
like injured
                wings,
angel eyes
   pigmented my color,
    blinded by a
cool sheen
hiding behind
                 tears
You are but a child,
young fresh entity
yet know the weight
of heavy
    and suddenly
nothing else
       matters
only your light
in my world,
however
         dark you get
nothing material
can fix it and I will
stop it all
to press
the button
          of time
and give
you
the
       world
for my son
 Jul 2017 Aditi
A Thomas Hawkins
Never fall in love with a poet
for their words are sometimes lies
on occasions they're a shield
on occasions a disguise

They will take you on a journey
upon which they bare their soul
in a bid to ease your burdens
in a bid to make you whole

But in every word they choose
for the stories that they tell
lies a little piece of heaven
and a little piece of hell

Tormented souls we poets are
sometimes quite broken and despaired
in search of lost expressions
missed by others who once cared

Never fall in love with a poet
unless you're prepared to share their pain
to hold them close on the darkest nights
over and again
Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
http://twitter.com/athomashawkins
 Jul 2017 Aditi
g
what is love
 Jul 2017 Aditi
g
5 year old me
thought it was
sharing things with people
crying with them

12 year old me
thought it was
holding hands
the term "boyfriend"

15 year old me
thought it was
kissing
touching

18 year old me
now understands
love comes in many different forms
sometimes in words
sometimes in expressions
sometimes in staying
and sometimes in leaving.
maybe someday i can fully comprehend what love is :")

— The End —