“HOW DO YOU FORGET?”
How do you forget all the laughs we had, all the mistakes we made?
You FORGOT that when you met that cute guy and you knew his brother would be perfect for me.

“HOW COULD YOU FORGET?”
And when the ONE person you want to call, when your back is against the wall, and you’re blocked.
***** to be you.

“WHY DID YOU FORGET?”
WHY do you HATE me so much?
All I TRIED to be was a good friend,
but you THREW me aside like you would an old rag!
The illusions in my mind say,
that you’ll be beggin’ on your knees for me to come back,
but that’s all it is, a ILLUSION.

“HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT ME?”
WHY? Why does it have to be like this,
I thought our friendship could’ve worked?
But I was wrong, right?

You NEVER cared, not one bit, about me and you never will! WHY did I even think you did?
You really KNOW how to make someone WISH
they could forget, but no matter how hard they try, they just CAN’T.

So here’s my FINAL goodbye,
I hope you enjoy the life you have WITHOUT me!
So GOODBYE my dear “FRIEND”!

Bye-bye

“Don’t talk to me in that tone!”
Yes, mother, I apologize for my insolent self.

“Why can’t you be more like your brother? He’s younger than you!”
Yes, mother, I apologize for my insolent self.

“You need to lose weight! You’re too fat!”
Yes, mother, I apologize for my insolent self.

“I am the mother! You are the daughter! I own you!”
Yes, mother, I apologize for my insolent self.

“You are such a disappointment.”
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry mother.
I’m not the daughter you expect of me.
I will be better.

Why am I never good enough for you?
You comment on my flaws, constantly, diminishing my already low self-esteem.
You compare me to others, saying how I should be more “like them.”
Will you love me if I’m compliant with your every wish?
I’m sorry I’m not your perfect daughter.
Stop reminding me that you love my brother more than me.

I’m sorry.
For being who I am.
For being different.
For bringing you pain.
For not being enough.

Please. Stop. Don't.
Your words. Won't leave.
My head. Hurts.
I don't want to listen.
Make it stop.
I can't take it anymore.
SHUT UP!

I’m sick of listening.
I’m sick of you.
I hate myself.
I hate you.

I know.
I should be more like him.
I know.
I am not perfect.
I know.
I do not have your love.
I know.
You hate me.
I KNOW.
I’m a disappointment.

It’s my first time.
The words. Hanging off my tongue.
He’s the first. He’s special.
We’ve been together for so long time.
I’m nervous. Terrified. Ecstatic.
It’s not his first. He’s done it. Before he met me.

I didn’t know what this was. At first.
This feeling. Bubbling in my chest.
The loud pounding. Only when he’s around.
I’m afraid. What if he hears it?
I want to tell him. I need to.
Will he hate me? Like the others?

He knows who I am. What I am.
He doesn’t care. He loves me for me.
But his love is different than mine.
It’s the love of a friend. It’s how he sees me.
All I’ve ever been is a friend. Since forever.
If only it was different, he could be mine.

“I love you,” I tell him. Stuttering out the words.
We are laying on my bed. Playing games.
His face blank. Silent. Is that bad or good?
I tried to cover it up. Saying as a friend.
But it didn’t come out. He stopped me.
Pulling me to him. To his chest. His heart.

A hush washed over us.
I couldn’t see his face. He wouldn’t let me.
“What?” He whispered. His hot breath caressing my ear.
Shivers run down my spine. I wish time would stop.
“Say it again.” What? I’m confused. Does that mean…?
No. Don’t get your hopes up. It could be nothing.

Again but slower. Muffled by his shirt.
His hold tightens. Stealing my breath.
“Again.” I obeyed. Over and over.
He never said it back. I didn’t mind.
My feelings were finally made clear.
Weight lifted. I’m finally free.

He releases me. My eyes catch a glimpse of his face.
A dark blush covered it. His own orbs were glazed with… desire?
That can’t be right. It must be a trick of the light.
He leans forward. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe.
His lips brush mine. I was captured. Enraptured
Fiery. Hot. Passionate. Demanding. Love.

I can’t fall anymore. Pull away. I need to.
I’m losing myself. We stayed for what felt like hours.
Until the need for air became too much.
Our lips undo themselves. Gasping for air.
Confusion took over. He taking me in circles. Dizzy.
The words refused to leave. No amount of sputtering would make them.

At last, he spoke. His words flew through my ears.
No. I must have heard him wrong. “Again,” I say.
He obeys. It’s what he said the first time.
“Again.” He does. Over and over.
Impossible. We are the same. Men.
He’s always been with the opposite. Girl.  

I jump to him. Tumbling to the bed. Laughing.
My lips catch his. Twisting and turning.
His tongue slides in as does mine. Deepening.
Hands sliding up shirts. Down pants.
His words play over. Never ending.
“I love you too.”

I walked in blind –
yet all I find
Is a gaping hole
In my heart.

I jumped in fast –
and all I asked
Was that you wouldn’t
leave me scarred.

I leapt in trust –
that there was still us.
Guess I wasn’t
smart enough.

TEARS.
Tears are all that I remember from that day.
I remember my head hurting after I was done letting all my EMOTION pour out and that you were gone.
That day was mostly filled with TEARS, SCREAMING, and PAIN.
That day, you left.

I tried to make them STOP but they had a mind of their own and so did you apparently.
WHY?
Why did you cause me so much pain?
You’re the reason for my ABANDONMENT issues.

The THOUGHT of someone leaving me again reminds me of that day and I start to cry OVER, and OVER, and OVER again.
I don’t want anyone to leave me the way you did,
with NO goodbye, NO regret, and NO tears.
TEARS.
Tears are all that I remember from that day.