I'm having trouble again
wanting to sleep all day
stretching and yawning
making little animal noises
it's getting more difficult
to keep my eyes open
and my head up
i just want to grab the nearest person
hold on to them, cuddling...
                                                  And fall asleep.

You think I'm weird,
with the way I do my hair.
You think I'm strange,
as you see me change.

What do you see,
that makes you so uneasy.

The wrap around my chest,
or my short hair,
could it be my plaid boxers,
or is it the fact that I'm a girl?

When he said that thing
it only made my ears ring
tears ran down my face
I ran to my room, a calm place
As my face grew red
my feelings had fled
'cause if he couldn't accept me
I might as well be dead.

It's late... talk to me.

Get thee behind me, Doubt
There are dreams I belong to, don’t touch me yet again
Your vice has me in this schizophrenic turmoil
Don’t play with me, please, I cant surrender
The serpent coil of your dark moves tighten
Excruciating loss of naïve hopes
Scattered like phantoms on a lifeless night
The fever of a beginning, already parched
I stand frozen tonight
Fingertips hush an unspoken lie
Scared, my arms around my future, I hug
Shivering from memories of a past gone wrong
I look his way,
Would she find her way around my madness?
Would she stay?...

A feeling I never knew
That I drew in from you
Would be that I am feeling followed

Your darkness reaches deep
And I cannot lie and sleep
Without fear from the earth of being swallowed

And at first believed to feel
In your heart love was real
A wound you cut to deep has made me feel hollowed

I never knew I would get thru
The long cold dark nights from you
They would be the deepest part of this nightmare that followed

Like the look in your eyes
When caught by your surprise
Looking at a bottle of poison you just swallowed


I will never forget the look
From my eyes you took
From far behind the dark pit of your soul all cut out and hollowed

I have adapted another persona to escape the real world...
when all around me shadows cover every tree,
and spotting the crescent moon, I don't feel bored
if thoughts for a poem pop up, then it's time to write away!



Have I become a moonshiner living through dark?
Is this strange person me? Up to now, I'm still a bit jittery having
to step outside and inhale a breath of fresh air.....
I may hear wild wolves howling, owls cooing and see bats flying
from the low shrubs of the deserted park,
and being too scared I would retrieve to my lair!


Family and acquaintances have noticed the changes in me,
I seem too distracted and paying no attention to them is silly;
all I think of is of words spoken by people as they walk too fast...
and watching their gestures, they show faces serene or mad!


How long can I act out the character I have created for myself?
Am I an actor or a real person living with a sense of reality?
Is this strange person me... missing out on life and not laugh?
Condemn literature for my insanity? But would I live without fantasy?

Raindrops on this page
Wind blows my paper away
Oh crap! I need that!

I have one too many personalities,
I don't know which one is really me,
So if I'm nice at first, and then I'm mean,
You just met Sally, and then met Steve.

Yes it's strange, But don't be alarmed,
Steve and Sally cause no harm,
Neither does Sarah, or Sammy, or Stu,
But Darwin and Devin and David sure do.

Be cautious around us,
The villains I named,
You won't know who's who,
We all look the same.

Half of us would hug you,
And falsely reminisce,
But half of us will **** you,
So in this cell we sit.

I wish
That all your dreams
Could come true...
But keep in mind
That nightmares
Are dreams too...

If you're insane,
And you love it.

Flashbacks run through my mind
My hands find their way to my hair
They grab, pull, scratch
"STOP IT!" I try to scream
The flashbacks keep coming
The razor
The blood
The madness...
"You deserve it"
I know
"I have to remind you, that you are a mess"
I know, I'm sorry
"Smile, do not let them see you broken"
I smile, I know you are right Ana
You control my life
Not only you control what I eat, but what I do, what I feel
"You are worthless"
I feel worthless
"Purge those calories you eat, you do not need more food in that fat body"
I purge, loving and hating the sensation
I try to sleep, but the flashbacks would not let me
Leave me alone!
Please...
"No, you deserve all of this"
I HATE YOU, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
"Never you need me, you want me, you love me"
I do, I know
I go to bed and prepare myself for my same routine for tomorrow

Insane?
Hallucinations and voices.
I think I’m seeing
Something now.
Look! There it is.
What?
You can’t see it?
No, I swear
I’m not insane.
It’s right there!
A little girl,
Black hair,
Victorian dress.
She’s looking at us,
From across the hall.
She’s mumbling something.
As she walks closer.
Where is she going?
I think she’s coming,
Towards us.
Wait!
Where did you go?
Please don’t leave!
Oh no,
The little girl.
She has a knife.
Please come back!
I need your help!
Where did you go?
You just disappeared.
The girl,
I can hear her now.
She’s mumbling about
Death
She’s lifting the knife.
Where are you?
I need you now.
She’s attacking me.
Now, everything’s growing
Blurry and dark.
All I feel is a searing pain
All over my body
You left though.
To save yourself.
You let her attack me.
I can’t stay awake
Any longer.
Why are the lights so bright?
I only closed my eyes for a minute
They claim I’m in the hospital
They think I tried to **** myself
I told them about you
And the girl
But they don’t believe me
Instead, they sent me away.
To a white rubber room
I have a special jacket
It lets me hug myself
They claim I’m insane.
Beyond repair.
They say you aren’t real
Nor, is the girl.
They say I have
Schizophrenia
But, you can prove them wrong.
Just introduce yourself.
I’ve tried to introduce you.
But, they all look at me,
With pity covering their features.
Please, just say hello.
Then, they’ll know, that you’re real.

Just like a ghost
I drift through the days
Trying for reason
Thinking of ways.

Nothing changes
No matter how many pills I take
Give me numbness
And happiness I will fake

You don't pay attention
You don't even look
You don't glance
I'm an open book.

If you listened
You'd see who I really am
You'd know my pain
But turned away you stand

Eating disorders
And cutting deep
Everything is over
Nothing to keep

So when I die
You can have the guilt
Pay the price
Of the coffin you built

I'm done with tears
And everything more
This is the end
Of an open door.

I'm breaking
I can't be fixed
I'm missing
But I won't be missed

Still shaking
From what I fear
I can't let you in
So don't come near

I guess you're right
I'm way too thin
And I'm fighting a battle
That I'll never win

I have so many flaws
I don't know where to start
From my ****** up hair
To my ****** up heart

So what's the point
To continue to fight?
When my restless days
Turn into restless nights

This life hasn't been fair
I can finally tell
That nobody cares
And it hurts like hell

I still don't understand
What was God's cause?
Why did He put me on earth
With all of my flaws?

Was I born just to die?
Am I part of a plan?
Made to finally see
That I won't die an old woman.

I don't know how to live
I have nothing to gain
And all I want from you
Is to end all my pain

I'm losing sight
Of what I've already seen
I'm losing my grip
And I'm barely fifteen

Walking through the rain,
I try to forget the pain.
I try to ignore the sting in my eyes,
because I know, a strong girl never cries.
I begin to run, run from my fears.
But I am followed by my ever present tears.
I want to leave these familiar places,
leave behind all of these frequent faces.
But where will I go?
What will I do?
All I know is I have to get far away from you.
But something keeps me here,
crying one last tear.

The chords of my escape.
The feeling of a beat.
The vibration of my soul.
It sends me to my peak.

I just love how it makes me feel,
But there’s no way the feeling is real.
I can close my eyes and look up to the ceiling.
It’s the most pleasurable feeling.

The way it makes me move.
Just gracefully on my feet.
In the chords of my escape.
There are no expectations to meet.

I’m free to be myself.
I can dance, I can sing.
I can twirl around on the floor.
That’s how it’s supposed to be.

But of course, all happiness has to come to an end.
I look at the ground
I sigh and frown.
It's time to let go of my only true friend.

I lift my hand to my ear
And pull out the plastic.
I suddenly feel blank again.
But soon again, I will feel ecstatic
With the chords of my escape.

We all have a friend
Who's silver and shines
It pierces our skin
And draws the red lines

It leaves several scars
Over the years
But it lets out our screams
As well as our fears

It gives us relief
We need the sensation
But we keep it a secret
We hate the attention

Those perfect red lines
They become such a burden
But we do it anyway
Because we're tired of hurting

Some call us ******
But we know they're all wrong
They all know what to be
We don't know where we belong

We hide the scars
Under jackets and sleeves
Our loved ones don't know
The cuts stay unseen

We try to act fine
So no one'll know
But sometimes we slip
And the cracks begin to show

As I sit in my corner and think about your lies,
I have nothing else to do but break down and cry.
You knew it would end,
You knew it would die,
You knew one day we’d have to say goodbye.
You told me you loved me,
You told me you cared
But the rage inside had slowly flared.
The moments we shared replay in my head
Along with all the sweet lies you said.
You thought it was a game
You thought you’d win
But in the end you felt nothing within.
Deep down inside there was a big empty space
That I now realize you couldn’t replace.
Something about you helped me see
That without love I’m finally free.
Free from pain,
Free from lies,
Free from having tear filled eyes.
Without your love I finally see
All the horrid things you’ve come to be.

its funny that you think I have a heart <3
but the fact is I don't
it was torn from me
when I was just a little girl
in fact I don't remember it ever being there.

what do I do now
can you see
I've lost my way
when I chose
the path less traveled by
now I see,
into the darkness I travel,
then I realize I like it better there.

Yes, I certainly do
And she's on this site too
Talking with her
Seems so grand
Only if we could meet
Hand in hand
She is not yet aware
Of my feelings for her
I care for the fact, she needs to know
But I'll just stare at the screen
Waiting for a reply...
And at night I'll say goodbye.

Don't be shocked with what I say
I'm the same as you
Yet, still you're afraid
with every word
you take a step back
ready to run
if I show a sign,
sigh -Oh this could be fun!

She is gone again
but this time
she will not come back
I never wanted to remember
her like that
when I found her
my world stopped
the note told me
what she thought
that I no longer loved her
...but I didn't know it was love.

What is it like,
                         to be free?

(Barbara Green)
A child so small
so vulnerable and weak
helpless, powerless
not allowed to speak.
Lying awake in bed
knowing he'll soon appear
Frightened and trapped
living a torturous nightmare.
Body is shaking
trembling with-in
preparing for
the terrible acts of sin.
Left all alone
with no-one in sight
The abused child cries silently
all through the night.

How does one heal
from such a horrible crime?
The scars, the damage
lasts a lifetime.
Emotionally I struggle
to make it through
Not knowing Why?
I feel and act the way I do.
The tragedy is over
but the turmoil is still there
I wonder, If my outbursts
is a way to see if anyone cares.
Please! God help me
I cry out
with so much anguish
fear and doubt.

Do I dare let you in
the garden inside me,
The sparrows are dead their tunes left unsung,
Dying waiting to be set free,
In a prison of rusty gates that
never open,
Flowers sacrifice their petals to
time,
The wind stealing them greedily
the only one that sings in this
shrouded wilderness
Kept sacred in the essence no longer
living,
The gates are open do you dare
walk in.

Tightness in my chest
I cant breath.
The only time I can escape
is when I fall asleep.

Constant nausea
constant fear.
How did this happen
knowing I'm safe here?

It's a constant worry
another will strike.
I worry about it all the time
it makes me lose my appetite.

My sight darkens
my life flashes.
My worries control my thoughts
my heart crashes and burns to ashes.

You have no idea what its like
to live one day in my shoes.
Maybe if you did
you wouldn't judge me as you do

Days of endless struggle
More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear ‘normal’
In some sort of way.

It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn’t be here now
If guilt would leave me be

I know there’s been many
Who’ve had it worse than I
But that doesn’t always mean
That I wouldn’t say good-bye

People say I have a lot going for me
I’m sorry, but I just can’t see
I can’t see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but inside of me.

Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency
I’m nothing if I’m not up or down
I’m nothing if just ‘me.’

Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I’m made of lead.

Wanting to be excited
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It’s hard to focus on the poor.

Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It’s hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.

I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can’t do anything right.
This is how I’ve felt my whole dang life
It didn’t just start last night.

No confidence, no self-esteem
Everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to ‘sit tight.’

Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.

He came into my life
when I was just a little girl
I was happy and young
And then he changed my world

One night I was in bed
And he came to say goodnight
except he took a little longer
before he turned out the light

He really hurt me that night
And I didn't know what to do
I thought it happened to most
well every little boy and girl

I lay in bed that night
Hurting inside and out
tears streaming down my face
I tried hard not to shout out

I put that tragic night
to the back of my head
playing games at school
there was nothing to be said

A year had passed along
and then it happened again
My mum was out at work
it was him and me again

I was sat next to him
just watching the TV
when he pulled me close to him
and again molested me

I thought it only happened once
When I had done something bad
but now I knew I was wrong
I felt alone and sad

And 8 years on I got
the courage to tell someone
the police got involved and stuff
I was hated by my mum

she kicked me out that day
and stuck right by his side
saying I was attention seeking
and that it was all lies

so in the end it got too much
and I told the police I lied
everything went back to normal
I swear I wish I'd died

everything was going well
until he sent me those texts
saying he would **** himself
it was all my fault instead

so I went back to the police
and told them it all again
he's moved out for now
its investigating time again

but my mum still hates me
and thinks its all a lie
I feel so alone right now
I wish I would just die

I've told a couple of friends
but its hard for them you see
to put up with something as stupid
as a teenager like me

all I do is mope and cry
because no-one understands
what I feel inside each day
please someone take my hand

I cut myself sometimes
When the pain gets too much
I hate him for what he did
and where he used to touch

I often think I'll run away
or step into the road
my future seems so black and dim
I'm only 17 years old

And if the case is dropped
he will come back home again
and I'll be back to where I began
In a world of sadness and pain

I hope someone hears my cry
and says they understand
I just don't know what to do anymore
I'm scared and on my own

So you see I'm stuck forever
I just want to scream and shout
But there's something you have to know
That for me, there's no way out

Hush, little sister
Please don't cry.
I wish I could be there
To sing you a lullaby

I can see your arms
Bloodied and bruised
That's strange, little sister
Mine were like that too

I know you scream
When mommy's there
Hush, little sister
I know you're scared

I can see the way
She's hurting you
I'm sorry, little sister
She did that to me too

I know that people
Ignore what's going on at home
That makes me angry, little sister
You shouldn't have to be alone

Hey, little sister
You want to know why I'm not there?
It's a sad story, little sister
But people should care

You see, little sister
One day mommy got high
You were asleep in your crib
So you didn't hear my cry

She screamed at me
And smashed my head against the door
While you slept, little sister
I died on the floor

You know, little sister
I don't think that I would have died
If someone had only bothered
To listen to my cries

But hush, little sister
Mommy's coming home
Quick, get into bed
You don't want her to find you alone

I'm sorry little sister
She's in a bad mood
Run while you can

Uh oh little sister
She's lifting her belt
Scream while you can, little sister
Call for help

Hush little sister
You don't need to cry
No one can hurt you
You're in my arms tonight.

Oh, dear,
Oh, my gosh,
I hope that no one saw,
I wish that I could laugh,
But maybe someone saw,
Maybe I should hide,
But, ah, whatever,
I'll just pull my trousers up.

I was a dare devil,
I always raised the level,
I got bruises and scars,
But that didn't stop me from going bizarre

I would jump and skate,
But it wasn't my fate,
I have to find something else to do,
Before I don't have clue
© Sasha Morales

It's just a small cut,
It's just a harmless scar.
You don't know what goes through my mind,
When I'm alone in the dark.
It's just a deadly thought,
I'm just a forgotten memory,
Deep in my eyes,
My demons are all you can see.
It's just another night,
It's just my one last try,
If you're not here,
Might as well say goodbye.

Kissing a which is a perilous business.
Everybody knows
It's ten times as dangerous
As letting her touch your hand,
Or cut your hair,
Or even steal your shoes.
What simpler way is there
Than a kiss
To give power
A way into your heart.

I had given up on love
Or just forgot the meaning
Because for some odd reason
You give me hope.

When I laid my head in your lap
You tickling me with a strand of grass
My eyes closed the warm sun light on my face.

It was at that very moment, that I was at peace
It felt as if you found a way into the gypsy field
Like it was just you and me, even though
Our friends were around.

I felt something,
When you let me kiss your cheek...
But I wonder,
Did you feel it too?

Hey my name is kelsie, my friends say I'm like a cat, I like cats .
I don't have any, I wish I did, ooh and I like food, and candy, I got my head stuck in a trampoline once between the two springs... oh I have ADHD, reminds me of ACDC, I love music like punk rock, screamo, metal, and old rock... I'm bored im a go find a cat.
Bye bye O.O^

I guess it makes me different
Cause I have to take medication
I guess it makes me act
Cause when I forget to take it
I freak out
They say I have anxiety disorder
Because of my past
Which means my mother
It to me doesn't seem so bad
But then again I took my meds...

Is to go to Paris
Enroll in an art college
And be free

She opens her page,
Ink splashing from her veins,
Scoring into the paper,
The words she wishes she could say.

I call her the devil
Cause she makes me wanna sin
And every time she knocks
I can't help but let her in.

She is scared,
Of this big bad world.
But she will stay strong,
Because she's a fighter...
But like her heart, she will break.

I once learned
That the opposite
Of love isn't hate
But indifference.
I always thought that
They got it wrong...
Until I looked into
Your eyes one day
And saw nothing

I write because
I don't know
What I think
Until I read
What I say

Things I forgot to say;

I don't mind the wait
Or the fact that your straight
'Cause I hope over time
Your feelings will change
And if they don't I'll be fine
We will stay friends
And our lives will go on