Going home to the country side for
The weekend, where
The snow is twice as
Deep and prestine.

I've promised my girl we'll put
Winter clothes on and trek through
The woods; play children.
Lay flat on our backs

On soft whiteness between naked
Trees, just listening to
Winds like the ghosts of whales
Swimming the skies singing;

Calling to the echos of
Their echos' echos.
Then, red cheeked and sniffling,
Brush January from ourselves,

Stump snow from boots, and head
Inside for hot showers.
Her wet hair slowly drying
By an open fire. Wine, and either

Music or just the whispers of
Winter playing with the ancient
Wood in the walls between
Silences.

Candle light catching the white
Flashes of flakes falling outside
Ice cornered window glass
In complete, quiet darkness.

She calls it camping in the cabin.
To me, it will
Always be
*Home.

You stole a piece of my pie
That one hot summer day
The harder I tried to ****** it
You ate it right away

You made fun of my forehead
That one cool afternoon
Your eyes lit up with laughter
I swear, you can be such a goon

You leaned in for a kiss
That one vivid morning
I was surprised to see you
As the kind to be adoring

You spilled out your feelings
That one intense sunset
Our shadows merging into one
An infinite silhouette

You stole a piece of my heart
That one moonlit night
I didn't try to ****** it back
It all seemed just right

I walked away from you
That one frosty day
I left behind a piece of me
And now I've become astray

You stole a piece of my pie
And a piece of my heart
My world has come crashing down
It's tearing me apart

There it was,
Waiting for me.
Dangling in the middle
Of the dark basement.

It called my name.
It whispered to me,
"Fake your smile, they won't know what you've been hiding."

I slipped the letter under the door,
The sweet remedy of self destruction, and the scent of freshly braided rope.
It's tempting strands called for me.

I slip the only obstacle standing between me and freedom over my neck,
And begin my walk to freedom.

One... Two... Three.
Jump.

The week passed by
As quickly as it came
Nothing seemed to be interesting
For I haven't seen a trace of you

Everyday I was hopeful
That maybe just a glimpse
Maybe just a glance
I will witness your glorious presence

But everyday was a fail
I was a hopeless being
I forgot that we lead different lives
Separated by different worlds

It pains me to know
This inevitable truth
That I can't see you
That I can't be with you

At a time like today
When I badly need motivation
A sense of inspiration
I can say that I'm in desperation

So now, I surrender my pride
And pray to the heavens above
"Please let me be with him
*I cannot stand this longing anymore!"

I learnt this year
that twelve months is not a long time.

And suddenly I was up staring at the dates
burning past; I
was still sunken in the last wintersleep
when spring danced its dance
and left me watching
from the dark corner
of the bar that my life had become:
the dim lights, and broken hearts,
and the drunken thought of you
rushing in and waltzing out.

I learnt that
you are only as tired
as your last mistake.

And that people only remembered
what they wanted to forget.

I began to measure time
in the ways your laughter changed
from a river-burst resonance of joy,
to a difficult trickle of a mighty
stream
drying up.

She says she can
make the sky change into
the colours of shame:

but how could she have known
that I already walk
with a cloud over my head?

12:05 am, drunk text, honest words
fingers brush the send button
message sent reads the screen,
sweaty palms, backtracking
hit delete, no use

eyes close, deep breath
message received


1:00 am, sober thoughts
angry groan, swear words
escape your lips,
waiting, hoping, praying
hit open, no use
eyes close, deep sigh
no reply

3:16 am**, point of no return
parallel realities flash by
one good, one bad
one yes, one no
call him? no use
eyes close, almost asleep
one new text

Rough ,Wet, Make it hurt
Sore in the morning
No time to flirt
No love, no whispers
Not even a kiss
Like animals, Mechanical
Tasting this
Bruises, teeth marks,
hickeys, thirst
*******, licking, Harder, grinding
The spot, Almost
Screaming, finding
Spasm, tightening
******, blinding

the other day we talked about ***

about how much you wanted it

and about how much i wanted it too

and ever since all i can think about is us having *** with each other

and i want it so bad

and i want to tell you in hope that you want it too

but i cant

because i cant risk losing what we have

because you mean more to mean that any other human on this planet

and i love you with all my heart

and i want to give more of myself to you

but im afraid you wont give it back