you are too easy to long for
with eyes clear as dawn
I watched grass shiver
heard the wind's whispers
of you in your full bloom
how I long for that view

I see color in black and white photographs
Sad songs bring a smile to my face
I love waking up to look at the stars as they come out
And I find the truth of love wrapped up in doubt

Is there a strength I'm missing
Here in my weakness
Is there a light I cannot see
With my eyes ******* up so tight

It's a mystery without a resolution
Only answers without questions
I never asked to be this way
I thought you'd never look my way

Hear all that silence amongst the static
Feel the heat of you across the vacuum of space
The void that speaks like a rain cloud whispering love
Pouring salt over wounded earth

And the rain will wash it away
Wash it so far away
I do not want to feel anymore
I cannot stand this weight of yours

Fail me now
Oh, these little things
I'm sticking on
Gravitate, I will
Slow, sinking feeling
I could be so much better
Make it mean
Abating heaven, sing
Welcome home
Heart stained sleeves
So unentertaining
The way love goes
Scared shitless moments
All of life is falling
Back to the day I met her

12/26
How sorrow held you
Without right
Night after night, stare out the window
At all the lights in the dark
Never once could you imagine
The light reflected in you
So bright, stark white
Heavily blue

01/13
Left the house today
One shoe at a time
I start to hope
Maybe it'll be okay
From that anguished slumber
You woke
To find a light right here
Not fleeting
But deep down I know
You're still sleeping

02/29
A leap made in faith's absence
The needle wasn't enough
To still the beating blood
And the sink won't ever be clean again
Oh, how darkness did consume
All that I had left to lose
In a note, washed by tears and blood
Reads, in your ever careful hand,
"Reasonless"

Keep this at arms length
A heart beat away from death
Every moment, every second
Keep me at arms length, babe

If I get you, I got you
But there's more to it, so
Forget the world, forgive the mess
I promise I'll clean it up before I go

Woke up haloed and healed
But I don't believe that story
Shut my eyes, go back to bed
I want something less than glory

Keep this at arms length
A heart beat away from life
Never again, never the same
Keep me away from the light

Oh, I've been waiting
And imitating
All the ways I should've been

But now I've no idea
How to be a real person
But you're showing me
And I'm learning

Take me by the hand
And make me better
Show me how to stand
To make me better

Oh, I've been waiting
for a sign dictating
How to find my way back

But the map is old and faded
The roads look like rivers
Even ink can become jaded
After the compass' last quivers

Take me by the mouth
Did it make you better
Take away the doubt
To make me better

Oh, I been waiting
It's true. Waiting
For someone like you

I too walk with the hand of doubt
Held tightly in mine
Though the whispers and fear
Of what could go wrong
Do not hold sway
In my ears
Nor my heart

I do listen
And I do entertain
What pictures they might paint
But I do not concern my eyes
With their idealized imagined pain
For the hand of love
Rests gently in my right

Time is an ocean lashing
Against the skin of shorelines
Kept apart from
Everything she loves

Meander amongst the currents
Each day brings new love

Heaven waits without worry
Over those golden moments
Meet me there sweet grace
Ever after the evening comes

You make me lovey-dovey, starry eyed

Color me down, hold my love inside
I want to feel your love tonight

You make me radiate, I feel my aura; deep and bright

We don't have to complicate, let love decide

Destination unknown, but we're side-by-side

You're my favorite song. I sing it all the time.

Dancing to the rhythm of our own beat, melodies floating soft and sweet

Like painted time, swinging hips, and our moving feet

Slow and steady, heart beating fast as our lips meet

Call it love, call it ecstasy
Call it you and me
Call it everything we need

I have a habit
Of leaving places
Right around eight
Without direction
But I guarantee
I'd drive 12 hours straight
Just to see your face
My Amazing Grace

I'd only ask for a little rest
From the fugue of death
I'd wipe the sleep from my eyes
Kiss your cheek
When I rise
Sneak about on bare feet
Down to the little kitchen
To bring you
Some coffee or tea

And the days would
Never drag
and the nights would
Burn with passion
But we both know
That the dawn is
Waiting
And I must go
But I don't want
To without
Making
You smile one last time

Time might not wait for us
No, there's no stopping her
But I will work for us
It only gets better
Let me show you
How you make
Me feel
Alive
In every single way
My Amazing Grace

Every morning I speak to the blue
mountains just beyond my reach.
So far away I fear they cannot hear
what little praises I may utter.
Ancient so they must be wise, I am to
assume. I ask their advice
in regards to love and life.
Never have they answered my
little questions.
But maybe their silence speaks
more than I may yet understand.
Maybe the answer lies
in the stillness of deep blue stoicism.

Crush the night against your senses
Forget the pain of dawn and life
Return to veiled simplicity
Reveal yourself to true Heaven

Now the lights dance
A hidden folly
Just outside my vision
As you wait for morning
Under the stars of Ursa Minor
Can you hear their laughter
Rising above the crescent moon
Do you know they aren't laughing
No, not at you
Nor anything in particular
Merely to laugh at all
To feel that joyous abandonment
Of all serious inquiry and thought
Let them laugh
Do not fear the dawn
For you must rise with it
Fear not the coming months
For they fear you
Like a spider
Or a snake
More so
And if you react with dread
They will react with violence
Laying low their own existence
To end yours
Watch now
As these stars drift a little more
They do not fade
No
They just move on
Until the night comes again
But they are never not alight
Only your pale eyes
So bright and true
Cannot capture them
In the wake of Sol
But they dance
Oh, child do they dance
Just outside of your vision

Tell me this, do you believe God'll make you pay for heaven?

Tell me this, do you believe there's ever been a debtor that was free?

Tell me this, buddy, ol' pal, oh friend of mine, would you face the hungry lion when you could pay the docile lamb?

I didn't ******* think so.

Now let me tell you something you ain't down enough to know,

The lion and the lamb are brothers of the soul.

One'll take your life in a ****** hurry!

The other'll watch you die real slow.

So tell me this, are you free?

Tell me, are you willing to bite the hand that feeds?

She's so chemical, substrate, synthetic love
I never wanna taste her again
But I know I'm gonna taste her again
Because this is chemical, I'm not man enough

Veins twist and throb, aching for pulse
She only comes to go, leaving me alone
Let the blood flow
Let the girl go

Dependence, despondence, arriving all at once
A hard postdrip, and I'm dope sick
Wake me up with the sidewalk
Where I fought off concrete

And she's watching me breathe
While I'm dying in the depths of her sea
Blue love, no warmth comes
She's  not a disease

She's chemical, endo, morphonic reprieve
And I'm nodding along without a beat
I'm nodding off

And I'm nodding along



Nodding along


N
  od
      din
           g
al
    o
      ng
N
     odd
             ing
o
  f
    f

So, I'll lie awake on this rocky beach
With my head full of sand and bad memories
You told me you felt safe in the arms of evergreen
And I said I'd never go away until this spark became too much to bear

Now the mountain came to us but we couldn't climb
Because, because our perspective was at odds with the even keel of this sinking ship
And oh I couldn't hear one more word about that anchor called forgiveness
Because, because forgiveness is just the gateway to forgetting and I won't forget

No, I won't forget you
Even when the world crashes down around my ears
Oh, heaven is coming down here
I know the angels sing their perfect songs but if they,
If they aren't singing of you I don't care to hear

But I hear, I hear angels cursing loud like
Like trains in the still night
Blowing decibels like churches
Towering tight against my eyes
They sound like
Screeching eagles clawing at the track
But they refuse to see that there's no going back

Because we said we'd never be this way
A silent promise in the deafness of anger
Said we'd never be this way
But I kept my fingers crossed
Like, like, perpendicular lines still hot from the friction of use
I'm burnt all down my insides
Because, because I know there's nothing in this world that can keep me from you

Even death concedes that I just won't turn blue
She watches me wait for you
In a forest made of ash
Whispers sweet nothings about the comfort of the black

But I refuse, I refuse to give in
And I won't forget to forgive myself
You always told me that comes first
The world is easier to live with if I can learn to live with myself
But I can't keep living this life without your help

So I'll wait by the ocean where salt water rises to tug at my feet
You'll be nowhere and right here because I just can't let it go
There's fear in the moon, that crazy old man is looking for us
I never knew what for
Pushing and pulling the sea until we can't swim anymore

And the waves will pull me under
To the depths where I'll await your forgiveness
When I'm deeper than the darkest indigo
Oh, I'll be passing through Atlantis
And I'll tell those sunken people of you and your eyes like a sunrise without an ending
These words they won't comprehend

And they'll never forget my tales of you
Long after I have passed
And their stars aren't the same as ours
Just lights passing in the distance
But they'll name them all after you
And your forgiveness

Oh, please forgive them
Bring them back to light
Give them my sunset
And hold me to the end of the line

Where the rocks aren't so sharp
And the ocean ain't so deep
The train is coming fast
And I can finally sleep

In this moment I would run
Without eyes to see
Or lungs to breathe
I would run so far
For so long
And die as the sun must

In this moment I would live
With arms thrown wide
And a heart grown full
I would live so well
For long enough
To die alongside the earth

In this moment I am alone
As I have always been
As I shall always be
I am so alone
I can hear my heartbeat
Though no joy accompanies

In this moment I am awake
To the truth of existence
Nothing is permanent
I am so awake
I can hear the divide
Calling without a voice

In this moment the world turns
Without thought to why
Nor a reason to bear
The world turns gentle
As the oceans collapse
Against the endlessness

In this moment I would run
So fast and so far
I could lose myself
I would run forever
Without thinking of you
Without thinking of me

Fear is the beating heart of love
Love is the decaying root of indifference
Indifference is the overlooked cost of profit
Profit is the slow-burning charcoal of greed
Greed is the insatiable lover of suffering
Suffering is the quiet antecedent of fear
Fear is the beating heart of love

The order never mattered
Until blood became the earth once more
My heart never shattered
Still I bore a tender sadness, two perpendicular boards

No cause nor understanding may ever be sufficient
I could not shake sleep from my tired eyes
To give hope to ending my lonesome sickness
Nor dream of peace in the depths of my loathsome mind

And the sun may have shone
On me and mine
I could never have known
For I felt no shine

This is not an ending
Merely an abeyance
I wept until attending
Forever after the abyss

Shotguns
Cannot whisper
Until it's too late to
Save ourselves from that overwhelming
Shout

I always love that which
Is far away
From passing aeroplanes
To four years ago's yesterday
Call it nostalgia
Call it an inability to commit
A fear of holding love
In scarred hands and
Knowing I don't know
Enough

I always love the idea
Of love crossed by
Gleaming oceans of starlight
Because there lies safety
By default
No heartbreak in fate
Only a useless fight
As love burns
Forever into that awful
Good night

From where might you
Show love
Little light of day
The coast of Italy
Or distant nebulae
Perhaps too close
For comfort
and yet would you
Know your distance
A picnic lain lightly
Upon salt battered bluffs
Love, would you love from
Far enough

It comes and goes
Wind and laughter
Does it matter
No one knows

Bend to break now
Gutter phenom
Hated Hinnom
Oh and how

I live my life
With my head somewhere
Between the clouds and
just above drowning

My heart in the future
Where pain does not last
My eyes on the ground
So my feet know what
Balance is required
To navigate my past

I cover my pale toes
Cover them in mud
So I may not forget
Where my blood
Was wrought
What stains I leave

On the carpet
Of this house

In the bursting light
Of blistering winter's night
I shiver and cough

You left without a word
While I was gone about the world
and I came home a little empty
But your house was built within me
Now the fires gone out
The lights have faded
The paint is peeling
And the mountains only made me feel jaded

It's a long time coming
And I'm not done running
Maybe some day we'll see
Same page, but never the same leaf
I got caught up in the everyday
And you stood watching me watching myself waste away

Come down from that hill

Walk with me, like we used to do
Little shops on ninth, not the same
Like tripping acid without the view
I wonder if Wonder can do without you
You burn more than green and California thrills
I learned more things about that Thing and pâli, chill

Rain, rain, stains my shoes, but that don't mean nothing,
when there's nothing to do,
but watch talking horses and hide from the blues in the living room,
with the anxiety building until Hell is almost all you,
and I don't know what to do,
but I wouldn't trade the view for heaven, cuz if I've seen heaven,
well
I prefer you

Let he who is without stones commit the first sin
And you sip that whisky again and again

What images cloud your mental sky
Why am I the subject of your judgement
When you know not of my designs
Forego your ego and see, no, believe in her judgement

Don't you understand that there is no control
You don't want to let go
I know, I know, I know
But her life is her own

I promise I'm not the serpent you believe me to be
I won't disrupt the garden to turn over new leaves
Eden holds no fruit for me

This is to you, you know who you are
I beg you to listen to the voice within your heart
And to not pass verdict upon strangers from afar

Arm me against my troubles
With slings and arrows borrowed
From the backs of the naked and famous
Blind by blind but I ain't aimless
What's a crow to the shine
Dearest darling, love of mine
Take these arrows and give them to your enemies
But never forget they came from my own spine
So, let's become the thing that we hate most

Common, complacent, and unaware that the world has moved on
And we still can't see for the dust clouds our eyes and chokes the words in our throats
We did this to ourselves, we built our houses too tall, and too far removed, afraid to let anyone get too close

Give me back the words I gave you once, in a year long gone
I can hear the fire outside, and it feels like the sun is moving on
Can you feel the lethargy in the dark that comes

You would do well to learn the art
For love is more than sweet kisses and little sleep
Love is war and peace and all the uncertainty between
To be certain the only certainty is how much she will make you bleed

So arm me against my troubles
Slings and arrows and sleeves
Worn thin by time and hunger
My breath, abandoned, from under the table
I'm not dreaming anymore
No, stillness contrasts the flicker
Call me famous, call me nameless, call me anything but love