Sometimes you feel kinda foggy
Your hand passes in front of you
But you don't even notice it
That kind of foggy
And it doesn't really matter if you get up and do ****
Or stay in bed and wither away
Because when you pass your hand in front of you
You don't even notice it
Nothing happened

And there's this buzzing in your ears
A weird buzz
That isn't quite a buzz
Almost like a speaker turned all the way up
With no sound coming out
So it's just the sound of the speaker
But it's real faint
In the back of your mind
Foggy like your hand
Passing in front of your face
You don't even notice it

And there's people walking around you
Apparently
But they just kind of brush past
They're *******
They don't say much
And you don't really feel them jar you
They're all foggy
Like your hand

Do you ever think of me?
When we're hundreds of miles apart
When we're sleeping in two separate beds
When I'm crying into my pillow
When I tell you I miss you
When you're sitting in class
When water runs over your body in the shower
When you crush garlic for your dinner
Do you think of me?
Throughout your daily life
As the time ticks in your ear
And moments continue to pass
Do I cross your mind?
Am I something you want to think of?

I know how much I love you
But do I know how much you love me?
Is it but an illusion
That I create
Because I love being in love?

Take me back to the night we met
When the day was hot
And the air was humid
The sky was crisp
And the clouds were nonexistent
Our skin spotted with sweat

My life was sprawled out in front of us both
My emotions were high
But you didn't care
You listened to it all
Stories
Memories
About my family
About my friends
About my random little trinkets
Things that meant nothing to you
And everything to me
You listened to it all

Take me back to that night
When we cleaned sticky **** off the wall
With Magic Erasers and Goo Gone
When we did nine loads of laundry
And you saw all the underwear I own
But you still didn't care

The air was silent
But we filled it with our voices
With laughter
With nervous excitement
Coming from the first date
Take me back to that night
When I first fell in love

You keep my mind off the things I want to forget
The ******* in my life that tells me I'm not worth it
The reasons why I should **** myself
You remind me that I'm special
That you love me
And when you tell me that
I don't need to cut myself
I don't need to try to drive off the bridge
I forget those feelings altogether
I forget the terror that comes with the rain
I forget the anxiety that comes with sitting next to strange men
I forget the tears that come with feeling unlovable
I forget the hangover that comes from yesterday's gripes
I ******* forget it
Because you look in my eyes
And tell me that I'm special
That you love me
And for the first time in my life
I believe it
I don't have to lie to myself
While waiting for the next best thing
Because you're it

In America
You're either rich or ******
Or privileged enough
To be ****** by the rich
Medical bills
Car insurance
Groceries
Utilities
Student loans
******* that nobody can afford
Yet everybody pays for
Because this is America
And we need to have it all
In America
I'm ******
Because I'm not a millionaire
And that's the kind of salary you need
In order to survive

The human heart is worth about a million dollars
But you get mine for free
Not everyone can afford it
I'm not a good match for just anyone
But you get my heart for free
My whole heart
What a concept
Do you realize it?
How lucky you are
To get a million dollar heart
For free?
A heart that will always unconditionally love you
A heart that will always kiss your forehead to see if you have a fever
A heart that will always remember your tea order
A heart that will always do your laundry
A heart that will always wipe your beard clean
A heart that will always rub your back as you're falling asleep
A heart that will always laugh at your silly jokes
A heart that will always love you unconditionally
And you get it for free
You get it
Just because you show up to the party
You get it
Just because of who you are
A million dollar heart
For free

I never said goodbye
I hope that's alright
I mean,
I know it's not,
I guess I'm asking for forgiveness
Because I never said goodbye
I was too preoccupied
To get up
For one last embrace
One last kiss
I couldn't really be bothered
Until it was too late
Until you were ten feet under
Ten years later

I never said goodbye
Only to the grass
And the metal plate on top of you
In the Garden of Serenity
Next to the fountain
And the trees
That humid June day
My dress a shade of orange
I know you would have liked
A shade of orange
I wore the day you were buried
A shade of orange
Similar to the flowers I put on top of you
A shade of orange
That never left my blurry eyes as the tears fell down over you