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Secret Garden Mar 2018
My color is blue,
My color is pink.
Heavy and true,
My colors do sink.

My color is gray,
My color is black.
Feeling dismayed,
Affection, I lack.

My color is white,
My color is green.
Love and hatred,
I am in between.

My color is red,
My color is mauve.
My rage runs deep,
My pain, unresolved.
ever-growing heartache.
Secret Garden Feb 2018
Alone in your presence,
Take me away.
Burning under your touch,
I don’t want to stay.
Living among wolves,
What can I say?
Your grip is so tight,
You **** the light from within.
Your claws are so sharp,
They are piercing my skin.
My voice is gone,
I make no sound.
I’ve searched and searched,
For it cannot be found.
I am trapped,
I can’t breathe-
Your torment is suffocating me.
I need to break away from this
Toxicity.
Secret Garden Jan 2018
Forgiveness can be so cruel.
Letting go of the pain done unto you.
Feeling nothing but hurt and used
And still, you manage to forgive.
knowing deep down,
they will do it
again.
Secret Garden Jan 2018
Tired days are trying days, and quite frankly, I'm always tired.

Self respect and morals engulfed in wild fire.

My light snatched and tainted among monsters, not seeming to return.

All the years of same mistakes, why can't I ever learn?

My mind is stuck, so my mind is trapped in a self destructive cycle.

A piece of me, waiting patiently for a warm touches arrival.

Waiting for this ice blockade to reveal a garden of dreams come true.

But who could ever return a love that's been damaged and abused?

An endless mess of string unable to unwind.

I can't help but wish myself gone from time to time.
Secret Garden Jan 2018
When you feel that burn way deep in your chest; the one that forbids you from getting any rest.

When you feel that sting all around your eyes, the one that tells you, you need to cry.

When you feel that ache of being used, and you don’t know what you did, or what to do.

When you feel that panic of not knowing a thing, and he doesn’t care, and yes it stings.

When you feel that sadness of being stomped and crushed, and its getting hard to keep holding up.

When you feel the need to lock the door and find your glass and count to four.

When you feel the urge to break your skin and watch it bleed cause you’re hurting within.

When you lay in bed in the middle of the night, and you know what’s wrong, but not what’s right.

When you miss him so much, and its killing you slow, cause to him you are nothing,

and that much,

you know.
Secret Garden May 2018
Why do you feel like I'm not worth your time
I stare out my window and watch the sun rise
You're living your life and that's okay
I just wonder if you know how much my heart aches
I wonder if you know it's hard to sleep some nights
Rushing thoughts of you just won't leave my mind
Memory of us laying side by side
My eyes start to burn I can't stop crying
My head was on your chest and you held me tight
I wonder if you ever think about that night.
I wonder if you miss me in your arms
I wonder if your goal was to cause me harm
I can never seem to find you, when you come you never stay
You throw away my love that's one thing I really hate
Putting out a fire fought hard once before
It's sad to say, I know, my love, you'll always ignore.
This came to me sequentially as I thought about a love that won't be returned
Secret Garden Feb 2018
I drew myself back, no one batted an eye.
Reclusive and numb, keeping thoughts inside.
I swallow them down like the pills I wont take
Thoughts that poison, leaving tears in their wake.
I was found, I was lost, I was searching for a fix.
I gave myself away and watched the ticking clock tick.
My time has run out, now what is there left,
Other than to try and replace what I failed to protect.
Secret Garden Jan 2018
Lightning struck, people fled.

She stayed to watch the skies.

Thunder clapped, it soothed her soul,

Calming the mess inside.

Danger lurked, she was unafraid,

She felt the storm understood her pain.

She watched the sky weep cold tears,

She heard the wind and felt its pierce.

She undressed her fears and threw them away,

Walked out in the storm and all was okay.
Red
Secret Garden Apr 2020
Red
You colored my walls in Red; I soon realized that meant blood.
Red so deep, Red so pure, I mistook that Red for love.
On those walls, words appear;
Desire, Hate, Attachment, Fear.
Meanings that remain unclear,
A mind so loud you cannot hear.
My sirens sound, my trauma speaks.
Remember how I felt so weak.
Remember tears, remember pain.
Remember storms and freezing rains.
Remember you.
Remember me.
Us alone, havoc wreaks.
Tears I cry, blood still bleeds.
Dripped in Red you colored me.
A narrative freewrite
Secret Garden Apr 2020
I think about you all the time.
When the sky is sad and the angels cry.
When theres a ring around the moon,
I often stop and think of you.
I feel a pull strong in my chest.
I feel your touch, I feel your breath.
I feel your hands around my neck..
I feel your fist upon my face,
Upon my head, I feel the pain.
I feel the beating of my heart,
A fearful, saddened work of art.
A peak into my memories
Secret Garden Feb 2018
I've lost the words to convey what I feel.
I've gained the wisdom to see what is real.
I've lost the courage to believe I will heal.
I sing a song to calm my soul.
To forget for a moment all the pain I know.
And I feel myself slowly becoming cold.
So I sing that song to find some peace,
but this throb in my chest will not cease.
Until I am numb, and I'm almost there,
for this pain I endure,
I cannot bear.
im starting to lose the will to fight battles i always lose against evil that always wins
Secret Garden Feb 2018
When the sun leaves, day turns to night. Our little world is depraved of light.
When the sun leaves, the moon shines above, but moonlight alone is not enough.
When the sun leaves, most lay to rest, asleep in their beds, to wake refreshed.
But when the sun leaves, I feel cold and alone, missing the warm light that once shone.
Because when the sun leaves, the monsters come to play, and the moonlight alone can't keep them away.
Secret Garden Jan 2018
Through the pain I smile, brave a face, and look up.

Through the pain I smile, but dear god I’ve had enough.

Through the pain I hold my tears until they spill at the slightest shake

I find myself at 3AM in bed still wide awake.

Though the pain I force myself to keep trudging on.

Though the pain I wonder why this has continued for so long.

The mirror shows a girl used up with nothing to give.

With barely any love left along with the will to live.

Through the pain I try my best to paint myself okay

I tell myself to not be sad and hope for a better day.

— The End —