So Intelligent,
So charming.
       Tell me how you've turned out to be so perfect.
Did your mother raise you right?
       Or did you just grow into the amazing person you are.
I remember the first kiss we shared,
you left me wanting more,
begging for more.

To this day your lips are burned into my memory.
I long for your lips again my Lion King.

Oh sweetie, you're growing older and wiser by the days,
       I'm so proud of you.
I miss you, and to be honest, I need you.
I need your voice, I need your warm, caring hugs.
         Kiss me again Lion King,
One last time.

My hands are shaking;
I Can't seem to catch my breath.
Something inside me tells me this is okay;
That this is necessary for me.

She must hate me if she thinks this is okay,
Something so cruel, telling me "don't eat, you'll get fatter, no one will like you"

Food is my nightmare, food is my saviour.
I can't help but to deny myself from it though.
I might need help, but who will save me from myself?

This may sound cliche, but feeling fat is what I despise, I constantly am blaming myself for the feeling of "fat"

But, what is fat compared to health ?

i just cant today.
I'm not feeling anything,
from getting dressed
to taking a shower,
to getting in my car and going to work.
I just don't want to get out of bed,
i'd prefer to stay to myself and thoughts today.
Why can't depression be a good reason to not go to work?
I don't want to force a smile today,
I don't have the energy.
I tried to smoke some **** to clear my mind,
but that honestly made me think more in depth,
which didn't help.
Maybe alcohol will help?
(i can't go to work drunk though)
ugh, i just need your love, i need your attention,
i need a big ******* hug.

The ups
The D
       o
      w
       n
       s
The  median, all the ******* same.
I can't seem to grasp the Ups as actual ups,
nothing completes me or makes me whole.
Why is everything so dull to me?

Days turn into weeks
weeks into months
time really fly's when you're depressed.

ha

Pardon me for laughing,
I've learned its the only thing that can keep me from going insane.
So, make me laugh. Please, keep me sane.
For I am longing for the happiness,
in you, in us, in love.


Today is grey, yesterday the same.
it has been for months it seems.
Come open the blinds, brighten my dark life please.
I need some inspiration to keep going,
Keep me from doing what my mind tells me to do every night i'm alone.
I'm prepared to waste away, leave everything i've known,
& I believe i'd be better off away from anyone anyway.
I hurt everyone who cares about me,
i'm never doing the right thing it seems.
I don't want to live in darkness,
it seems to follow my every move though.


I need you to be my sunshine.
Please, just brighten my day, someone.

TRY to think back to when we were strangers..
I can't picture us as friends anymore.  I can only see our kids running around the house with loose ***** blonde curls and their cute little snotty noses shaped like yours.
I can only see us holding hands, taking a walk, singing together under the moonlight.
I can see your guitar in your hands, and my hand on your thigh.
I see nothing but peace and happiness for us.

One day we'll look back on all of this and feel at ease.
Because we lived through the *******, and difficult times.

One day we'll remember the times where we would sit and
cry over stupid boys.
But we'll laugh because we didn't need them after all.

One day i'll remember the times i stressed over money
only to find out i can make it another day without a dollar.

One day i'll look back and feel at ease
because look how far we ******* made it.

The rain falls;
Simultaneouly with my tears.

It's like they're one,
I am one with mother nature

She is me, as I am her.
It's peaceful knowing when I stop;
So will she.

My throat is sore;
Telling me I've smoked too many today.
        My cough is strong;
Telling me I need to quit before it's too late.
        My mouth is dry;
Reminding me of a desert; in desperate need of water.
            My mind is screaming;
But, i never listen when it tells
                                                      Me
                                                        to
                                                                    quit.

Not a soul can read me,
you may try or think you can.
I promise you'll never really know me.

I feel sick just thinking about
how much time I've wasted on you.

Not a soul knows how long I've felt this way,
only me.
I only have myself.

I need alone time, time to collect my thoughts.
Time to rethink my choices.
I need to find myself.

The next page isn't being read yet, so why worry what's on it?

The empty pages in my journal are yet to be stained with ink, with joy and sadness.

Our days are short, I need to not worry about tomorrow and focus on today.

Right now isn't going to last forever.
We won't see another today.

Let's forget about the time and rely on our bodies to tell us when to sleep and when to rise.

Today is here for now,
    Tomorrow may never come.
    Love me like it's our last
                        days on earth.
                                                           S.j.b.