I'm Free"
Such a con man convincing me that I was so beautiful, his saving grace,
With his hands, he painted my face,
With make-up I would have to retrace,
I would dress pretty just for him,
I kept my body fit and trim,
Though for real, I didn't know it was a messed up,
I tried to be his best partner, his loving wife.
Shocked and and scared every time,
like it was something new, that just began,
He'd beg my forgiveness again & again,
how I always forgave, forgetting all the prior distress,
just to continue day after day.

Pulling my hair, using your fist to paint my lips the color of crimson red, fearing each time I'd die.
It even happened when you weren't full of whiskey,
I'd have moments of reality,
knowing I had to get out for my babies,
You had everyone convinced you were innocent,
I was the one that suffered your vengeance,
like an illusion, everyone took your side,
they all believed every time you lied.

I have no more shame, no more fear,

I'm down on the floor,
beggin' You,
my True Faithful Amen,
because it's up to You.
not ending this with, 'amen' -
it's not done, it doesn't end,
not until I see,
my Amen face to face,
saved from this place.
@author_venjarnold

there's nothing left for me to do,
I'm just a nobody to everybody,
with me they are done & through, already gone & deleted
from their human minds,

like a recording that's gone before rewind,
nothing but their trash,
after it's burned down to ash,
like ashes to dust,
I'm still scattered here & there,
still just making a mess.

Birds of December,
carrying memories of you,
I don't need reminders,
instead send by wings, God's angels, so I can be there with you,
I'm a nobody to anybody,
I'm forgotten, already gone,
down on the floor, face down,
crying out to the Lord,
to make their reality the truth,
I'm a nobody to everybody, in this place,
beggin' you Lord to take me soon,
no need to end this with, 'amen', because it won't end, until the Faithful Amen sends me through.

Why make me stuggle
because of you,
When I'm willing
to struggle with you?

Only liars deny the ambition to go fishing
for what they want. The craving, the need, the haunting desires
only places you on a self-destructive and burning pyre.
You yearn for more, twisting on a mission,
wishing for the glistening gold of what you’re owed.
To move, to improve, on your flaunts
for yourself is such an everlearning taunt of wealth.
Well, when your well doesn’t get any higher
and the Sun’s hell ceases to tire,
emptiness befells the commission and buyer.
You’d sire more just to gain more,
but wouldn’t look towards your neighbors implore?
You would even bore through foreign floors
until it's all missing. Toes tucked and turning,
mouth foaming, you're an overzealous fiend for more earnings.
Your hives don’t die and you keep twitching.
Your heart keeps spinning the lies through your sleek grinning
and only the drive to buy is what keeps you alive.

I have no desire to eat,
When the dollar keeps
getting higher,
Another night of fighting sleep,
Father, my eyes are so tired,
So much time I've wasted,
I haven't done enough,
enough to make my life count.

Dear Jesus, I can feel your pain,
Does this ink bleed in vain,
I don't understand...
why I can't let go,
if it's all in your hands,
I'm not complaining,
Yet I can't explain it.

Before I could careless,
if tomorrow never came,
Now it's different,
I worry if I close my eyes,
that they won't open to see another
blue sky,
Oh Jesus, does it even matter at all,
since you already know who will & who won't fall.
Will my soul still breathe,
if my body, it should leave.

I can't breathe in,
My thoughts are spinning,
I need a bite to eat,
I need some sleep,
But I'm afraid I'll miss a chance
to fix what I broke in the past.

Father, my eyes are too tired,
too weak to weep,
I won't risk losing a chance,
by closing these eyes tonight,
Don't let this ink bleed in vain,
show me how to do it right,
and I will this time.

I don't know how to let go
of things I don't own, of thing's
I didn't know,
I don't know how to let go
of what thing's that I have,
I don't know how to let go
of the thing's I know.
I know You are in control,
Oh God, I'm in debt,
Make me pay what I owe
before from my body,
it's time for my soul to go.