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TS Jan 2018
The candle wax is dripping on the floor. I'm fast asleep on the hardwood, a towel for a blanket, wandering the stories my mind creates.

It's so much better there, in my dreams, much more comforting and whimsical. I can create my safest place, my very own home.

I can wander all over the world for free, touch the greatest wonders and experience culture like no other. I can learn anything without paying a dime or sitting in a classroom. I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin or the cool rain kiss my cheeks as I look to the sky. I can be anything, dare I even say ... happy.

I am trapped in a magical world and I never want to leave.

Please don't make me leave.

I don't want to wake up. I don't want to face the dark and the cold. Because when I wake, those candles will be out and my towel will be just a towel.

Here I am warm, I am free, I am strong. Here I can be anything, do anything, feel anything.

Please don't make me wake up.

Please.

- t.s.
TS Jan 2018
You are the color of a kiss,
passionate and complex;
A cold, tall glass of water
just after you've had ***

You are the color of a road trip,
with windows down and sunnies on.
The color of a love ballad,
or a fulfilling and perfect yawn

You are the color of a silk petal,
floating to the Earth,
A limited edition coin
and all that it is worth.

You are the color of adventure,
and freshly baked apple pie;
The color of snowfall on your face,
drifting down from the night sky

You are the color of paints
that stores just do not sell;
A sit-in or a marching protest,
fervent and raising hell.

You are the color of the strength
that arises with the dawn;
And when a king is overtaken
by a simple little pawn.

You are the colors found in everything:
extraordinary, nonetheless,
But more than all of that combined,
a fact I must confess;
You are the color of love and life,
with all that magic you possess.




- t.s.
TS Dec 2017
**** this.
**** this whole.

I realize that there is more elegance and eloquence to vocabulary but right now the only works that can escape my lips are

**** this.
Oh. And *******, too.


Sitting here sick
Sick and **** tired of this **** that life keeps throwing my way.
And I just deal with it...
Because I 'have to'.

*******.

'Have to'


Why the **** do I 'have to' be here? I didn't chose this. I didn't ask to be alive, ask to be conscious. I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. I don't want to wake up each day and breathe and live and work and cry and sleep.

Well...
Sleep.

I'll keep that one.
Its nice to sleep. There's nothing else to worry about. A sweet serene oasis of mine. A place where I don't answer to the **** of other people.

I give it back. All of it. It doesn't work right. It never did. It never will. People say that I should be happy for the things I have and I say to those people...

**** that.

**** your standards of what I 'should' do or feel or know. **** your opinion on how I treat myself. **** your decision that my life is worth saving because so what. I don't want it. I return it. Take it back and give the whole thing to someone else who wants it.

But make sure you ask them first. Ask them if they want this life. Ask them if they desire to drudge through each day just to make it to the next. Ask them if they want the self-loathing, air of desecration that lingers all around me. Ask them if they'd love to know, everyday, what it feels like to have people NOT choose you over and over and over again. Because I'm sure, if you ask them ...

They'll want to return this life, too.


- t.s.
TS Aug 2017
Today I realized that there is more to life than you.

You may be the sunrise, but I am the sunset. People sit by windows and in parks and travel the world to watch my show.

You might be the tide but honey, I'm the rain that makes the flowers bloom.

You may be the breeze but darling I'm the stars; infinite, dazzling and the best wish you ever made.

Today I realized there is more to life than you;

there's my life, too.

-t.s.
TS Aug 2017
My brain rattles around and I'm lost on what to say, what to do, where to start. There is a mountain of things on my list of life. I don't want the list, I dont want anything on it, I don't want life.

I just want to run. Run very far away forever and ever until the end.

-t.s.
TS Aug 2017
It travels through my bones, leaving my body weak. It stings my jaw line as my teeth clench. It makes lifeless my shoulders, my arms, my legs.

I am defeated.

The pain is overwhelming.

-t.s.
TS Aug 2017
I'm in a thousand ******* pieces and I just stare at the mess, blankly.

I've always hated puzzles, especially when so many pieces are missing.

-t.s.
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