family friends since we were small
tracing grout in linoleum floors
I watched your dad pull those tapes out
he drew his weapon you drew yores

I can't be mad I say to this day
generations cursed
my first boyfriend shook his head
"I thought I was your first?"

there was a lump in my throat
and I thought back to that game
little frog ran over by the cars
you taught me how to skip through lanes

first friend that I ever had
I still think that you knew better
simply "child's innocence"
crayon written apology letter

floral pattern sheets
I was a flower at full bloom
until you flung me on that bed
I wilted in that room

you told me sometimes that it hurts
but it'll be super quick
that I cannot say anything
people will think I'm sick

It all goes black soon after that
red stain, metal taste, a puncture
Did the right thing after the fact
though frozen like a sculpture

you went on and on again
and never really paid
those girls carried it with them
through 1st and 2nd grade

and now I am a grown up
with something in me hollow
a little froggy in my throat that I still cant seem to swallow

I told myself I'd get better
through hell or through high water
but then felt you pluck more petals
when I heard you had a daughter

the sheets
they're ***** once again
I dreamed that we were beachbound
laying strewn across the sand
fingers twisted lazily
I'm in heaven, hand-in-hand
I know you read my words sometimes
and maybe even blush
I know that vagueness is preferred
keeping it hush hush

but I'm not one to apperceive
I wear it all upon sleeve
overwhelming
always swelling
mimicking expanse of sea
you just get me
so please don't be afraid
I'll teach you how to swim
let the wave carry your weight
whisking us away
to finally escape

we could rule over Atlantis
or settle somewhere modest
I'm a novice in all this but I'll be nothing but honest
You called me your Goddess
And you made me a promise
basking in the hot sun of august
sipping gin and tonics

but I'm not one to apperceive
I wear it all upon sleeve
overwhelming
always swelling
mimicking expanse of sea
you just get me
so please don't be afraid
I'll teach you how to swim
let the wave carry your weight
whisking us away
to finally escape

Lets go for a walk now
You'll find subtle changes
The grass a little longer
A chair in the trash
You'll see as you go further
Emmersed in all the stages
You won't even notice
All you've left back
Everythings different
Yet stays the same
You'll search for answers again and again
And if you're lucky you'll find some warmth
Someone to hold you through floods and through storms
Outside there's a blanket
A canopy of stars
I tried to show you which one is mars
Sometimes it feels like were already there
The only people for miles living life without care
Everythings different
Yet stays the same
You'll search for answers again and again
And if you're lucky you'll find some warmth
Someone to hold you through floods and through storms
Everything is quiet
Except for the echo
The uncertainty of what you should let go
I will not cry no I've realized
Good times never die
Good times never die
Everythings different
Yet stays the same
You'll search for answers again and again
And if you're lucky you'll find some warmth
Someone to hold you through floods and through storms

Everyone says what's the rush
and they say what's the use
and I'm so tired so very tired
baby, you need to choose
I can't do this anymore
I just need to know
We fight, we laugh, we click, we clash
should I stay or should I go?

and every time I find myself
wanting to pull back
you smile just a bit
give me a heart attack
I feel like a fool
to hang on every word
to be wanting to believe you
ignoring what I've heard

Am I stupid?
Should I do this?
Am I foolish?
This is useless

It wasn't so long ago
my head was ******* on straight
did not believe in fate
or waste time on boring dates
Ignoring matters off the heart
remaining cold and callous
til you grabbed my hand while I could barely stand
and led me to the madness

and every time I find myself
wanting to pull back
you smile just a bit
give me a heart attack
I feel like a fool
to be hanging on every word
to be wanting to believe you
ignoring what I've heard

Am I stupid?
Should I do this?
Am I foolish?
This is useless

And it's a scary thing 'cause
I wanna meet your parents
God I love you so much
is it gross to use your toothbrush?
I guess this is what it is
I cannot pull away
at least I am a *******
and thriving in the pain
I feel so very little
so small and microscopic
but when it comes right down to it
I know I could never stop it

and every time I find myself
wanting to pull back
you smile just a bit
give me a heart attack
I feel like a fool
to be hanging on every word
to be wanting to believe you
ignoring what I've heard

Am I stupid?
Should I do this?
Am I foolish?
This is useless

Got a word stuck behind your tongue
a sentence chippin' at your tooth
and I'm sitting here wonderin' what you have to lose

we're suffocating on
fruition stuck to pause
jaw grittin', head-splitting, complicating it until we rot

I wonder where you're at
perhaps you wonder too
I've learned the hard way that what ya say isn't always true

so suffocate me good
stuff it under things you should
and I'll be here
mere sightseer
collecting glass and driftwood

the ocean swells inside
a storm you cannot hide
we stand at command
desperate to find our pride

is it so crucial?
to feel important and useful?
what makes you tick? what makes you sick?
Does it matter if we remain truthful?

There is loss and gain
my indulgence abstained
I hope you look at me
and finally come to see
I'm more than flesh and vein

Reminisce on all the early days
Stuck inside of a drunken daze
I went based off of all your fleeting words
Couldn't begin to think it all would hurt

Back of the head
Look over shoulder
All that you've said
I go over and over
I want to believe that you're honest and true
But you held my head under water, the coldest of blue

I'm angry I'm mad I release it in tears
Nowhere near the pain I've felt all these years
I inflict on myself some sort of grounding
Body or heart I'm used to the pounding

Back of the head
Look over shoulder
All that you've said
I go over and over
I want to believe that you're honest and true
But you held my head under water
The coldest of blue

Hypnotize me with the lies
I'll listen to it all despite
Pain distracts from desire to die
Who lives through this more? You or I?

Maybe I'll take control of all you do
My fake *** puppet
Serve my desires
in the end for you

Back of the head
Look over shoulder
All that you've said
I go over and over
I want to believe that you're honest and true
But you held my head under water
The coldest of blue

It took a lie for you to show me devotion
My own ****** up version of a love potion
Treat me good so you feel secure
Accept others admiration based on a fear

Back of the head
Look over shoulder
All that you've said
I go over and over
I want to believe that you're honest and true
But you held my head under water
The coldest of blue

My makeup is running and I'm feeling so broken
Its all a ******* joke
The words you have spoken
I empty my soul all the well
For a person so ******* full of themselves

I suffer and shudder
Bury all of it under
I cant begin to imagine
Somebody other
Than you
So drown me in the blue
I'll take it for you
For the sake of something new

Back of the head
Look over shoulder
All that you've said
I go over and over
I want to believe that you're honest and true
But you held my head under water
The coldest of blue

Is it for me or is it for you?
Is it for me or is it for you?
Is it for me or is it for you?

Prove it
If only
To feel good from what you do

I guess it is a comfort
where I'm supposed to be
I always wanted a forever
and the pain it follows me
If I can't have it one way
I can always have another
And I can share with others
And be sure to pull them under

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I just entertained a fantasy
and set that thing on repeat
My eyes started to water
at all the things you said to me
I fed you all your lines
and gave you cues and clues
only for it all to leave me lost and so confused
I rip out all the pages
from that day and back
so I don't have to focus
on everything I lacked

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I hope you believe me but I have nothing to prove
I hope you are certain in your next move
I hope that I feel so good to you
I hope that I feel so good to you

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I hope you believe me but I have nothing to prove
I hope you are certain in your next move
I hope that I feel so good to you
I hope that I feel so good to you
Do I feel good too?
Do I feel good too?
Do I feel good too?