the night is empty and calm and quiet and dead and no animal or human or organism has the want or reason to fill it
  somewhere someone and something and nothing at all is dying or is dead and all the silent people and all the silent animals and all the silent organisms will do nothing to save them
  the time passes slowly at mach speed and the earth ceases to turn and the people and the animals and the organisms are crushed by the force of the lack of movement
  the sun implodes and the universe is momentarily covered in beauty and debris and particles of carcasses before there is nothing of what had and could have been
  in a different galaxy and cosmos and timeline the sun shines brightly as it was meant to with no intention to change its routine
  the people and the animals and the organisms cohabit earth peacefully having unlocked the secrets of life and death and all in between before and after
  earth turns lackadaisically and nothing and no one and no being could ever persuade or force it to stop
  the night is full and loud and boisterous and bright and alive and filled with joyful chatter and excited calls and unhurried and unworried din

  particles float in space and smash gently together and greet each other with nonexistent smiles and impossible words in unknown languages
  asteroids soar by with inaudible how do you dos and vanish before there is any answer or inquiry as to where they plan to go
  black holes swirl happily inviting all the particles and asteroids and stars and matter and antimatter and dark matter into their vapid embrace
  solar systems cry noisily as their bedtime approaches and fight against the current of time and space and emptiness and nothingness and struggle against the flow
  atoms and molecules find romance within one another and bind themselves and break apart and bind themselves and break apart and bind themselves
  the stars grow agitated and burst into dull rock and grow agitated and burst into flame until the can no longer explain their agitation and burst into nothing in an enraged fit
  just past all the things is a small planet that was in the past and has passed and will pass in the future and is passing right now
  and the night is empty and calm and quiet and dead and no animal or human or organism has the want or reason to fill it

And it is only within the peaceful times
That I realize he's my heart in hand.
Only when an unnoticed smile stretches my lips
Am I fully aware that I adore this man.

The softest of feelings accompany the lightest gazes;
The feeling of it is indescribably, cloyingly sweet.
It is a gentle breeze of passively adoring affection
It is simple silence's most lovely of treats.

A pure emotion that spirals playfully in my chest
And spreads flora and sunshine in me without rest.
Something beautifully untouched; mine in every form.
Something strikingly idyllic, impossibly beatific, and lovingly warm.

Given the world in the palm of the hand
They would not save, nor fix, but instead plan
Plan death, plan chaos, plan sweet agony
And cherish Earth's end, eyes opened wide to see.

But humans are moral beasts, how could they deign
To destroy and recreate and ruin the flow of time
For whatever ideas boredom incites they obey
To whet the hunger only chaos can truly sate?

They would insist that we are beings of madness
Would **** us all and leave the Earth ravaged.
They would shout that they are no different than us
That with just a taste of power we would do the same such.

But humanity is merciful, we would never grow so corrupt
The idea doesn't intrigue us, we've never craved to rule much
All those who disagree are the both unstable and inane
They are insanity, as known by the relatively sane.

It is essentially the worst thing I've ever felt
A deep, swirling miasma of an emotion.
It's nasty.

Abandonment doesn't suit me, I've never taken to it well.
This would be overcompensation.
Dark, infuriated overcompensation.

It's toddler-esque, I see that clearly, the feeling of
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, m i n e
I am ashamed.

And I can put it to rhyme, oh I can explain
It's a violent beast, a stake of claim
It's an unnoticed filth on my doorstep
It's a dormant disease, unseen while it rests.

But when it awakens, good lord, when it does
It gnaws at everything, leaves nothing untouched
It burns up the foundations, the walls, the floor
For imagined slights, and leaves me thinking what for?

It's an inferno. It's dark thoughts that demand attention.
I lie and say I am fighting it; I've already let it win.
It is white and unnerving, justified in it's own existence
It is a force of it's own that defies all reason.

And I could put it to rhyme if I truly wished to
But why would I when it rips right through
Every word I've ever attempted to use
To represent it as I wish to.

The first sign might be that sound
A mixture of a heartbeat and rushing air.
Or perhaps it's the overwhelming hue
And saturation of color that's hard to bear.

It could be the smell of sunshine and petrichor
That settles into the nose covertly.
Or perhaps it's the swirl of flavor on the tongue
A vertigo of tastes so savory-sweet.

It may be the tingles that shiver from head-to-toe
And send jitters straight  to the gut.
Or perhaps it's that feeling, terrifying and real
When you know that you're falling in love.

Foster optimism in the realest sense
What could be versus what will be come together and make friends.

.

If the world was meant to be friendly, humans wouldn't exist
See the good and the bad in both safety and risks.

.

Your friends will exalt you for who you aren't
Your enemies will curse you for who you are
You will learn to love who you want to be
And to be that person, a mix is key.

.

Of all the things you care about, none of it matters
Of all the things that matter, you care for none
The former leads to a bad disposition
And apathy is born from the latter.

.

You listen so as to reply
Reply, expecting to be heard
If you listen to listen alone
You'll find more meaning in a word.

.

To give to all is to find and receive nothing
To give to none is to love and be loved by no one
Find the things in life you crave to be loved by
And build them up but ask nothing from.

Warning, take care
Hazardous to the health,
Caution, be careful
Take care of yourself.

No one warned me abut you
I circled around you for months
No one told me to keep my distance,
Told me to run, run, run

But I see it now, oh, I understand
I should have known you were dangerous.
I realize now that I've dug this hole myself

And I ******* adore it.

"Caution," label for that voice
I can't remember what I said.
Overexposure, could've ran
But you always get into my head.

"Hazardous Materials," for the the words you say
I'm tripping into walls when I remember
Under my skin, in my head
You send me reeling, the world's a blur.

"Warning," for your smile
It keeps me up at night
When I've turned off every light
But you're still so ******* bright.

"Careful," for your laugh
My face aches from smiling so often
It's contagious, your happiness,
Warmer than the ******* sun.

Where's the warning label on you?
Because I'm worried for my health.
I thought I was safer than anyone
But good god, you make me melt.

It's that huff of breath you allow to be heard
That's not quite a laugh, just lightly amused
That's somehow and entire statement
With you never having said a word.

It's the full-bodied laugh that you so rarely vocalize
That's warmer than a summer day
That manages to put a smile on my face
That's so impossibly, beautifully bright.

It's that witty little remark you murmur lightly
That is nothing but concentrated sass
That drags out the loudest of laughs
(Until, of course, someone gets salty.)

It's the silence I could live inside
That's so comfortable and easy
That you sink into it, really
And just enjoy the ride.

It's that sweet word we don't say aloud
That's too affectionate, too real
That we so raw and so honestly  feel
That we articulate without a sound

It's the timbre of your voice
That sets a quiver beneath my skin
That's smoother, more enticing than sin;
Let these heathens rejoice.

It's your brain, your intelligence
That's akin to a shower of meteors
That's a display of awe, an exercise of power
That makes your intriguing quality make sense.

It's you, it's your essence
It's the way you fill me with awe
It's this way I've never felt before
It's what happens to me in your presence.

It's the tidbits you tell me that I hold close
It's the possessive jealousy you spark
It's how you're a masterpiece, a work of art
That makes me want to boast.

That you're the reason, the one, my muse
You're every single thing I could possibly adore
You're everything I could ever want and more
And I've never been more happy to say, "I like you."

I used to mock couples for their PDA
I used to sneer as they indulged in affectionate displays.
Being self-sufficient was all I used to enjoy
And then, one day, along came this boy...

Just like that, I was completely enthralled
Made a hypocrite by my own free-fall.
Suddenly the world was primary and pastel
Like every year I'd lived was drab gray scale.

I was never the one to compliment a beautiful day
Yet somehow the days are gorgeous now, sunshine or rain.
I'm not the kind who bothers with smiles for smiling's sake
But when I'm talking to him I'm smiling till my cheeks ache.

I used to glare at all that PDA
That one couple I just had to shoo away.
They all still get the same treatment
Though now it's because **** long distance.

I'm jittery as though my blood is made of caffeine
I'm grinning like I just swallowed a ******* sun beam
I'm excited as though I just won the lottery
Because this lovely boy has made a ******* fairy-tale of me.

"Oh love, you are missing today.
And suddenly everyone knows your name."

The crescent moon has my heart in hand,
I'll pray come morning light.
I see your smiles, your laughs, your cries
Immortalized in the dark of night.

You're in every corner I pass,
I see you in every aspect of life.
You're in every being that lives,
You're not here, but you're alright.

I'd beg you home again, like always,
But more than a year has passed since I've seen you.
I'd beg you stay, once more, forever
But I knew from the beginning that you were through.

Wayfarer, wayfarer, where will you travel come morning?
Your loved ones can't recall your face.
Dear vagabond in time, have you forgotten home?
Has your journey become a race?

I'm wishing you well from this living hell
That life is without you.
I'm moving on and finding *home
And praying you are too.

I'm not religious, you know this,
But I've got faith where you're concerned.
If there's a God and a heaven and paradise,
It's yours, it's what you've earned.

I'm not religious, you know this
But you sang Hallelujah and I understood.
And if there's a chance you could have peace
I'll pray until you have sainthood.

I wonder why the moon you adored,
Was the moon that was almost gone.
Just a sliver left, soon to disappear,
Just a memory hanging on.

I wonder, if I could've changed things
I wonder, if I had acted differently...
I wonder if there where signs I should've seen
I wonder aimless and futilely.

I feel guilty every time I so much as think it:
"Perhaps a year is enough time for me to move on."
I promised that Autumn would never leave my lips,
That your memory would never truly be gone.

And here I sit, a year later, with a smile
And here I sit, no longer in excruciating pain.
I feel as though I've a penance to pay you;
Scarred, hurt, and guilty, like the tale of Cain.

I want to be angry with you, I truly do
I want to scream and cry and moan
But I don't blame you at all, my friend, my fortress
I understand this was never your home.

This is the beginning, this is how I grow
This is how I'll move on without forgetting the past.
This is how I hand Autumn to every person I meet
This is how I make you last.


Cole.
I love you; for now, back then, and always.

When I ask for all of someone
I want them in their entirety
From their thoughts to their skin
To every bit of the world they see.

I'm not asking for the most you've given
To anyone before.
I'm asking for every second you've lived in.

When I count someone as my own
They mean more than every person
They mean the moon, the stars, the air I breathe
They mean all of the love I have to give, and then some.

I reach out for friendship and receive family
I'm not loyal for them
I'm loyal for what they mean to me.

When I've chosen to be close to someone
I've chosen to take on their every burden
Whether big or small or morally corrupt
I'll shoulder the weight of it for them.

I'm not asking them to bind to me
Something so trivial has no appeal
I'm asking for their entirety.

I'm thinking of you today
And, for once, I want you out of my head.
I'm imagining the way you left
But still can't accept that you're dead.

I'm missing you today
It's almost been a year now, I still don't understand.
I'm wondering what demons you saw
That ate away at you down to your wit's end.

I'm hating you today
The same way I do every time I hear your name
I'm cursing you, screaming, angry
And you'll never know so it's all in vain.

I'm loving you today
The same way I do every second of every minute
I'm remembering the words I'd say, like,
"Life isn't worth living if you're not in it"

I'm thinking of you today
I can't remember your eyes quite as clearly
I'm missing you today
And I'll miss you forever; I love you dearly.

It is not my forte.

Happiness is fickle, fleeting
Someone stop this car
Spinning, screeching, screaming
Praying for a savior.

I spend my time missing you when you're gone
The seconds blur to minutes; can't keep track of time.
Life ceases to exist when I can't hear your voice;
Leaves me catatonic as I uselessly pine.

I spend my time missing you when you're gone
The months fade to years; I grow not a bit.
I spend my time missing you when you're gone;
A hole left unfilled by your sharp wit.

I spend my time missing you when you're gone
The hours turn to weeks; Earth stops her rotation.
I spend my time  missing you when you're gone;
It's a beautifully painful, endless situation.

.

I spend my time content with your company
The seconds become months I never want to leave.
I spend my time content with your company
The hours become years and time seems to freeze.

I spend my time content with your company
The weeks become centuries and I soar with glee.
I spend my time content with your company
The years become millenniums and I am set free.

I spend my time missing you when you're gone
But the moment you return; life is restored to me.
I spend my time content with your company
I am at my happiest when you've returned, finally.