J.A.O.
My initials
Three letters, representing the sounds I've obediently responded to my entire life
But acron- I mean initials
Can sometimes stand for multiple things

Take mine for example
It can stand for my name
"Jam and Oranges"
"Jail and Outbreak"
See? My initials can mean a lot

But when you take context
Which defines an acronyms given meaning
You get the exact meaning behind each symbol

So let's look at the context
My family tends to be repetitive
They're unable to easily cope with most things
And get overwhelmed by emotions to the point
Where they stick them in bottles to brew and fester
Well, I do that too
Ive been trying to stop
But I still do it

They drink
I drink
They smoke
I smoke
They act with reckless abandon in any given situation
Dido
They don't respond well to confrontation
Yeah. Hi.
Swearing like a sailor?
Check.

So maybe my initials don't stand for my name
Im sure they once did
But as far as I can tell
It could just as correctly mean
"Just Another Ortiz"

I've been thinking about you each day, maybe twice
And how disfigured your world views can get
And how I could help if I could go back with abilities to stop regrets

I'd tell you not to worry but I know that's a lost cause
Because back then you were trying to treat your feelings with rap gauze

I'd tell you love yourself because you're the only one that matters
Or maybe tell you how my brain works now, to see if you'd get sadder
I know the world was built on shakey grounds of lots of stress
But no one you know thinks like you son,
That was your genesis

I would tell you how you should see your dad
But back then if anyone bad talked the family you'd get mad
So maybe I can tell you why everyone is out to hurt you
Or why you'll try to make your life close the ******* curtain.

Maybe I can give you space to ****** grieve
Over your aunts, uncles and friends that had to leave
Maybe discourage your ambitions and untie the knot
I know life's a surplus of vacant parking lots
Where dreams, ambitions and desires start punching rocks
Until they're morphed into creatures you refuse to acknowledge
Until your final break down at the "Pittsburgh Rip off College"

Maybe I could tell you to feel your pain
Or lessen the impact of prescription drugs on that younger brain
Maybe even make you into who you're meant to be
But I fear that that answer maybe me

I'd tell you to talk to mom, and open up
Take up the vacant room she left you in that hut
I'd help you sleep at night with soulful lullabies
And put you to sleep with our own hurt pride

Maybe if I could bleed the effects of the pre-condition
You'd be intelligent and have some kind of ancient wisdom
Lessons that stuck from two worlds apart
But most of all, I'd tell you to take the sleeve from that bleeding heart
There's no wound to nurse once you break the silence
Because the only reason it still hurts is cuz you're keeping quiet

You'll grow up to be a manipulator
The kind of person you won't despise until much later
The kind of person that uses people for mental exercise
The person who isn't afraid to resort to lies.

Sometimes I wonder if it would even make a difference
Or if the timeline would adjust the route,
Like a downhill liquid.

I killed myself to make me view
That life is how I see it,
So now I look at you.