I needed you once
and you were there
until you weren't
and that's when I learnt
to walk once again
on my own two feet
and now I'm learning
how to step on stones
without touching
the water beneath.

I’m not going to compare what we had to a tombstone
because there, you would have at least left me some form of goodbye
Something to re-read when I needed a reason to why I couldn’t find you
Where our love use to be
Hidden in the folds of my sheets; Under my porch light at 2 am
Anywhere and everywhere I've been has always been you
I can’t see the sun without pretending the warmth is from you
But at night I feel the coldness tearing away at my skin and it feels like honesty
Laying alone in my bed is like laying with a stranger or a dead carcass
I guess both can be the same  
But if I were to compare what we had to a tombstone
it would be for the reason I can’t see you anymore
Without imagining you under it
At least then I could pretend you left those words for me to find
Where our love use to be
Or never was

This time I will make sure to look into your eyes when you are talking to me ....
But next time I will make sure to talk to you when I am looking into your eyes.....

This time I will make sure to laugh at your silly jokes....
But next time I will make sure to make silly jokes on your laughter.....

This time I will make sure to listen all your blabber...
But next time I will make sure to blabber to listen me....

This time I will make sure to agree with everyone.....
But next time I will make sure that everyone will agree with me....

This time I will make sure to be shelled by your breaks.......
But next time I will make sure to break all those shells.....

You will wonder why your chest feels so tight whenever her name rolls over his tongue. Not me, but the other one.
The one who will always have a place in his heart.
Don't give up yet,
but listen to every story of them.
It will break you for sure, but you will know how once he loved someone that much.
You will find yourself think about him continually.
When you walk alone on the street,
when you are with your friends talking about life,
or simply when you wash your dishes.
You will think about him
in any places
in any situations
The thoughts of him will make your stomach churns,
like you've been riding a roller coaster for so long
Sometimes the excitement will put you on the top of the world
but then reality will take you down,
twist you around,
and flip you over.
Again. Don't give up yet.
Bring him muffin or take him out to have fudge brownie ice cream on the weekend. Those are his favorites.
Remind him to not sleep late because he will get tired and grumpy in the morning,
tell him it is okay not to be perfect all the time,
and the most important thing
be there for him when he is unhappy with his life or when the memories of her keep crashing back to him.
You might prepare a band aid for gashes that will be left in your heart.
But please don't give up yet.

It's all an illusion.
The fame,
The fortune,
None of it matters.

So look at who you are
Is it who you want to be?
Is this where you are
Or where you want to be?

It's all an illusion.
The fear,
The freedom,
None of it matters.

Are you running away from here
Or running to somewhere?
Is this excitement
Or are you just scared?

It's all an illusion.
The fact,
The fiction,
None of it matters.

Does this world exist
Or is it in my mind?
Are you real
Or my imagination?*

You're the illusion,
My dear,
Because you were never really here.

I looked in the mirror this morning,
And there was a little tiny change,
An older look to my eyes,
My smile was foreign and strange.

My posture was straighter and taller,
My cheeks were thinner and slim.
I'm changing right before my eyes,
And every day I'm at the whim
of Whoever decides what I'll be
When I'm an adult someday.
When make believe no longer appeals to me,
And I've forgotten how to play.

So what I want to say to this elusive Whoever,
what I want to ask of this woman,
Is "Are all these changes the real me?
And is the real me who I am?"