'My body normally wouldn't shiver that way,
it is because your fingers touched me.
You gave me glitters and tunes I never experienced.
I felt like waves of water crushing into land.
We would travel to Paris and Rome and Prague.
With glistening eyes you walked and danced around my presence.
That voice of yours sounded like music and felt like poems.
I was surrounded with lies, but I didn't care.
Lies you want to hear, said the magazines lying on my lap.
Take me to the promised cities. Take me there in your arms.
I kissed that muscular neck hundred times,
but you wiped those kissed away.
I sprayed my writs, neck and ******* with Chanel.
Hoping you would touch me like that again.
But you didn't.
You left me there standing, watching thin air turning blue.
I always felt so beautiful around you.
Never leaving you was the first lie you told.
And the best.
There was a moment that I really believed in it.
Believed in you.'

'If I were a woman, I would've kissed you.
And inhale your soul.
But I am only a girl. And I can't grow up.'

'I could smell your scent, taste your feelings '- hear your beating heart when you touched my shoulder. Even though you faded in this crowded city. This city of freedom we were caged in.'

silent moments sing the loudest
and I hear her calling,
" come back to the womb for awhile my dearest, and drink deep of my fare. All your striving leave behind and come suckle at my breast."

The vapour from your song
mixes with clouds
waters the Earth
and the sea rises a little more.

Close your eyes,
What do you see?
Nothing, blackness,
The dark inside me.

The pitch black hole,
Inside of your soul,
Is filled with prescriptions,
They say will make you whole.

You stop eating,
You stop feeling,
You stop sleeping,
You start drinking.

All to make the pain fade,
To feel alive for another day,
Tell yourself you'll survive,
Nothing heals wounds like time.

But it's all a lie,
No matter how hard you try,
You can't live when you want to die,
Without wings you'll never fly.

You stare at the ceiling endlessly,
Try to dream,
But all you get is an ode to sleep.

yesterday, i was on the verge of letting you go. i left the thought of you in my last 84 years, and before that too. today, i'm 34 and maybe will last for the next decades or so. i'm not sure if i'll leave this lifetime again-- with the trails of your kisses dangling on my shoulder, its tips gently swaying across my bare back. ill ask myself again tomorrow the dreaded question of my past lifetimes, "why will i leave you again?".

i developed this habitual longing for thoughts of you inside my head. how i couldn't quite reach the satisfaction of imagining--i need your soul in physical form. i need you with me; right here, right now.

you can clearly see the fault here, and i'm sorry for that. i need to love you, not need nor want you. it's not some complicated **** as the reason of my soon-to-be absence for the rest of your life, it's the crushing thought of being not worthy to be yours. you're too precious, too much of a sweet liability for my bitter tongue could willingly handle.

alas, this lifetime would probably be wasted again on depressing decisions that will be the end of me. but one thing is for sure, inside the deep oblivion of my mind, i will always love you. and i'm wishing for more lifetimes to come for me to get that out of my nothingness.