because of you,
i am a candle.
you lit my wick,
contaminated me with your love -
fiery
and passionate.
you watched as my layers of insecurity
melted away,
as my worries,
my sadness
melted away.
you dipped your fingers into the hot wax,
admired the parts of me
on your fingertips.
time and time again,
you loved me
without hesitation
until i sunk to the
bottom
and you burnt your finger.
you didn't mind, though,
said that it burnt my existence
into you,
made you feel my presence.
so i grew brighter
and brighter
and brighter.
but then you burnt yourself
one time too many.
it hurt too much.
it would hurt less to forget.
you forgot my flame,
put me out.
you have forgotten about me now
for far too long,
and i have begun to burn,
everything within me,
around me,
burning to the ground.
you were the oxygen that my flame needed
to burn.
and without you,
i cannot breath.

i am full
at the sight of your perfectly shaped smile,
i am missing nothing
but I know to hold this feeling for a while.

the shape of your face:
every wrinkle, every bump I trace
just to remember how it feels,
your eternal beauty so surreal.

how could I ever forget,
the happiness you brought my heart.
how could I not remember
you: my piece of art.

i, now, am terrified.
i miss the touch of your lips
instead of the tears I cried,
i miss the touch of your fingertips.

will I ever feel this again,
besides in my dreams, of course?

Although our love story is
8000 miles shy of
A happy ending,
You still fill my heart
With everything I’ve ever hoped to give you.
We will not let this bump
Stop us
From getting to each other.

Let my death be
on display
as my life is.

Allow my body to remain
on the Earth and
feel the wind creep
past every crevice
of my body.

Keep my scrawny features
in the foreground,
straw-sized wrists and all.

Expose my coarse skin to all
those elements,
let them watch my curls drop
and my skin dull out
to a pale gray.

Rub my corroded bones, feel what’s missing.
Watch the bugs crawl out of my cracked chest.
Look at my weak arms.
Admire my scratched up legs.
Notice the features chipped off my face.

Let me put myself on natural display.
Let me show the world what it made of me.
Let this be how I rest in peace.

if only i could remove myself from this situation
that is my sadness,
that is my life,
without hurting you.

the sky is clear it’s a good day
a few clouds but it mostly clear
it’ll be good no worries
barely any clouds
only a thirty percent chance of
******* up my day thanks a lot
daylight savings don’t you know i can’t work
at night it’s just too dark
i can’t see what i’m doing
how’s the forecast today
sad, i bet
the wind will carry me
into a tree
stuck like a cat
the thunder won’t turn off in my head it’s too loud
to sleep too scary to stay awake
the wind is yelling at me
the fog is making me confused
but this sun gives me hugs
this breeze is reassuring...
~you know the weather doesn’t control your feelings right~
wrong *******.

life wants to **** you
with a smile on his face.
you want to love him
but he's busy with so many others.
he is far away,
until he decides he wants to hurt you,
knock you to the ground
and make you stay there.
lie in the grass and grow with it,
look at the sky and feel just as blue,
watch a butterfly and fly away.
he thinks its beautiful,
the way you think.
you think he's beautiful,
him and the way he has chosen your fate.

to you
little lighthouse
who i was not sure
would appear,

now with your little
finger peaking out from
your little ***
proud and small,
soon to be
big and scary and sharp

i need you more than you need me, Spiky

and that is true
so much so
my brother and i
made it permanent,
gave up a limb each
to your edges and curves,
had needles poke them
into our skin

because like you
we felt
self-sufficient
self-sustaining
thriving on neglect

like you
we felt barely watered
by those who sowed our seeds

like you
our defenses are now
on the outside
protruding
and pricking

nonetheless when i checked last
you had grown
your first spikes.

with your pinky intertwined with mine,
our noses pressed together,
you ~were~ in love
and I ~am~ in love.
and you wanted to stay,
and I would have stayed.
now my stomach churns
at the fear of you falling in love with someone
who is not me.

it seems to me that the sky is sad,
heartbroken, perhaps,
grey without your colors.

she wails at night,
rumbles and shakes and cries,
alone and missing summer.

when morning comes,
and she feels your presence,
she is silent at the sight of her lover.

On a day like this when my eyes will not open,
I look for you and act as though my heart was not broken.
Fear in my eyes,
At first I thought you were joking,
Tears in my eyes,
All my words are soft spoken.
Me and you together was the only thing I had hope in,
Now one look at you, baby,
And my heartbeat is frozen.
You picked me out of many -
I thought I was chosen.
Everything I love taken away in one moment.

i dreamt of you once again-
i wish i had not woken up.

I have not slept through a night in the longest time,
I wake up in the middle of the night with you on my mind.

But I talked to you that night,
Comforted you when something didn’t feel right.

I went to sleep thinking of you,
And all 6 hours, my eyes didn’t move.

But my heart, oh my heart,
It leapt out of my chest.
Your fingers intertwined in mine,
A feeling better than the rest.

You held my hand,
Squeezed it tight.
Your love a feeling
I couldn’t fight.

I woke up then,
Devastated of the end.
But now,
I sleep longer and longer,
Hoping for the same dream again.

The first night you didn’t tell me you love me,
I cried into my pillow,
Desperate to make no sound.
I cried myself to sleep,
Tears seeping into my dreams.
I cried in every thought,
Seeing you, touching you, hearing you in every room I tried to escape.
I cried when I woke up,
Because you were not next to me.
Because even if you were,
I love you,
And you do not love me.

Your name has always sounded to me
The way happiness feels,
The perfect shaping of words,
The most soothing movements of the mouth.

My stomach cramps up at the sight of you.
It does not hurt, no, you see:
It does not hurt at all.
Not compared to how I feel when I remember,
That you,
Once filling up my lungs with your very presence,
Making breathing all that much easier for me,
Still by my side on my exhale,
Is now out of sight,
Unfamiliar,
Distant,
Out of reach.

To my best friend,
To you who would never leave me.
To my best friend,
To you who can really see
Parts of me that no one understands.
To my best friend,
To you who believes in everything I am and want to be.
To my best friend,
To you who means the world to me.
To my best friend,
To you who comes before everything.
To you my best friend,
My real true love,
My soulmate,
The one who I always look forward to see.
You will never leave me,
And I will never leave you.
Your laugh a song,
Your smile an art piece,
Your heart pure.
To my best friend,
Who I will always be thankful for.

If the trees would speak,
They’d tell me to leave,
To find my roots,
Grow up to the clouds,
And find my peace.

He is the color yellow,
My happiness.
He is the sunflower,
My favorite color.
He faces up to the sun,
Blinds himself,
But I am right beside him,
Grey.
Illuminated by his bright touch,
I feel the color creep up my spine.
He makes me feel red.