Traumatized by the words that I never said
By the things that I never did
All the unspoken words
Tell me your feelings and why I didn’t consider yours
Why I thought to bring you to tears
Thinking of all the things we did and all the things you experience
Don’t settle just let go cause all of you I don’t deserve
You deserve all of me but all of you is what I had
Tell me, tell me did I put you at your worst
Can you love or is it numb, just tell me your feelings
Eyes watery as you tilt your head to the ceiling
Fighting back words, fighting back tears, fighting for love
So anxious to get your attention and pour out my love
Some mistakes we live with, some mistakes help us grow
To tell you I love you, now you’ll never know
So enclosed awareness and guarded up against love to never know how to feel
Tell me do you know how to trust
So many lies with so many promises
So many words with no actions
Things will surely come to the light
Why does the heavy weight feel so light
Why does it yet weigh down on me
To have me think I could bring you back to me
Traumatized, traumatized, traumatized
Filled your head with questions and lies
All the things aren’t as bad as it seems or bad things aren’t as it seems
In held so many emotions you don’t know
Whether to cry out loud or hold in your screams
But to you I truly wish the best
So many unread messages and deleted texts
Feening for your love and your ***
Lord don’t let her experience anybody as her ex
Don’t fall for it
Don’t be another victim
Such a beautiful woman that’s been hurt for so long
The road ahead of you just seems to be going on for too long
All the weak emotions with such a strong woman

One heart
The only heart I’ve truly seen
I didn’t pick up no traces of a reoccurring scene
I’ve never loved the same no it wasn’t the same as it would normally be
Visions of the flashbacks
Taking you here with me
One heart yet you captured mine
Such a beauty you have became over time
Your that shadow, the overseer in my heart
The reason I’ve been pulled so apart but remain so strong for so long
I can’t imagine it being another love
No it’s impossible
You can only run into a few good hearts
The ones that love so deeply but acared to get torn apart
There’s no other feeling then when you here
There’s no way I would risk it all again
Unless I had another chance to where I begin
I couldn’t imagine settling
It just seemed so early
But awoke went heart and it stayed so steadily
2-3 years maybe even more
I’m so sick of being sick, the things I’ve always seemed to adore
My mind took control and had me wanting more
Wanting more than I could handle
It just felt like it was worth the risk
2years later did I ever imagine this
How does one seem to exist
How does one go to fix
Something I questioned over so many years
1 heart but so many emotions I missed
The reason I never received another kiss
1 Heart, 1 love is what it is...

A bitter taste so bitter sweet
From what I can see that’s no description of me
Small locs and edgy face
It may be love but it’s bitter taste
I’m so confused and I never should question
What was your intentions of making this happen
As it creeps up
Try my hardest to play it cool
Flashbacks and flashbacks
From the corner of my eyes I can tell it’s you
Not so sudden not so quick
No you can’t have me like this
A bitter taste
Such a sour feel
I see images of a reflection laughing at me
Got a taste of refreshness
And still it never put my mind at ease
Greed
So selfish when we’re involved
I should’ve known this love had a strong hold
One that would never be divided
I don’t know why I tried it
With every step I’m cringing
Because how I feel I cannot hide it
Go far away from me
Even at a millions miles
I don’t wanna try it
I cannot get away
Set my mind at ease I no longer crave your presence
Cause it takes control over me
No control over my mind, thoughts and actions
Everytime I see you I get sweaty and nervous
Why do you torture me do you do it on purpose
But so long and goodbye
Easier said then done
I let you go but I know you won’t be gone for long
I say I want you gone but it’s fatal attraction
We no good for each other but we even better together
So long friend I won’t write another letter
This bitter taste in my mouth
Seem to have made me better

Wasted toxins, filling my head with nonsense
Most of it traumatizing
Mind rolled in pills without realizing
Toxins, toxins, filling my head with unclear messages
Unclear thoughts, sometimes reminiscing
Substantial amounts of toxins
Fill my mind with such a boost, a high that lifts me and makes me feel so low
A place where nobody goes or wants to know
In such a monotone manner, your words like
Hidden messages wrapped up in my mind
So much love with such a cold heart
Such a bright beginning with a bad start
Toxins, toxins, toxins, lift me from the problems I seem to face
Something’s cannot be erased or I cannot escape
Take me on a trip to the open gates
Where hell freezes over, where my mind has its own place
All the wasted, wasted toxins
All filled in space

So smooth with my words, but not caring when it counts
The many times we kissed, i don't know the amount
So drawn in by your whisper
So engaged in everything you said
R.I.P to my heart, because that part of me is dead
what lead me to this point, what put me in this position
Had me concentrating on you, hopefully wishing
So smooth, the way i approached you, so eager with the way i grabbed you
I knew from that day on i didn't want to be without you
You lucked up this time, but i never gained closure
because i never wanted to let go, i just wanted to get closer...

Betrayal comes in many forms
Many ways, different days
How can I act normal when deep down I’m not okay
How can your actions show something different with my presence
How could you dare deny me
Sometimes there’s no mask needed
When your actions are on display
Crazy how it seems so hidden
When it’s directly in my face
Such a burden to such a strong soul
How could they do you so bitter and cold
How do you fend for yourself
When you have yet learned from the past
A tender heart within your grasp
Show me more than you can tell
Words mean nothing when your actions show different
Tell me could you last if you was in my position
I hold no one to that standard
A standard of being all alone
Tell me how could you dare betray someone who’s been there all along
These masks seem to be half worn
Worn whenever you seek help
I show my complete self
Maybe I should mask up so you can get a taste of how it feel
One day you’re gonna suffer as much as I did
From a innocent child to a kid
I hold no remarks no shame and no lies
Til you feel what I feel you will always wear this disguise

Some pain is unbearable a burden that never seems to rest
How could I be cursed yet so blessed
Memories in my head
Things I can never seem to make clear
Steering from sober
I don’t know where I’ll end
So much on my mind
I can’t even think steady
Will I go back to normal
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready
I just know that I’m here and enduring this pain
A pain that has brought me so much shame
A pain felt deep within
Unlike anything I’ve ever felt
Worst than any burden I ever given or received
I just can’t cope with the thought of you not loving me
How can you think
How can you see anybody but me
So selfish to think I could have you all to me
Why does it hurt and make my mind run wild
I cannot control my thoughts I just wanna sit and pout
I thought I’d be stronger
I thought maybe it would hurt less
But the more I face my fears the more I realize
I realize things will never be the same
How could it?
How could it ever be the same
I just wish I could block out the intense feelings running through my brain
Thinking of intimacy not coming to me
So strange to say my love still never leaves
I don’t know if I deserve anything far from this
Everytime I look at you my mind instantly reminiscing
About all the good times of the past the pain that made us who we are now
5 years of blessings blessed to still be moving forward
I wish no pain like this on anyone cause now all I see is you
To be back in love
I don’t know what that would prove
I don’t know if we should unite I wish I knew what to actually do
Cause the truth is I’m still in love with you 😢

R.I.P to a heart, because your love will always seem to be mine
stuck on your love, a soul so devine
R.I.P to my heart because i have no intentions to love
Took a dose of you and i just fell so in love
It's so crazy how things are, and how things seemed to be
I wonder sometimes do you ever think of me
My heart, your heart, we just seem to be on the same level
To disrupt my thoughts on if i should settle
i never once could, and yet my mind is yet to blame
So scared to the thought of getting played
But karma played the role and everything seemed to unfold
The secrets deep within will always stay the words that are untold
R.I.P to all the things, all the things that should of mattered
So close to your heart, the beat seems to rattle
It skipped a beat, that's when i knew you were shocked
I should of mentioned your name, but temptation would never stop
And that seem to lock up your heart
And that just seemed to strip me free of all the trust you once had
In the deepest darkest moments, i just seemed to be so sad
So foolish i seemed to be
I only thought of me
If i would of shielded your heart, you would never have to leave
But so foolish i once was
look what temptation does
Never to be fooled by lust, just stick with the one you love
R.I.P

Why?  
Why do I allow this to happen
Weakened without you, impossible without you
Why do I allow this to happen
To pretend not to care
To pretend not to show emotion
Deep inside I'm weakened without you
Though the days are hard without you I cry
Weakened by the days I spend without you by myside
Some people think to just let go and give in
To seek love from the weak, when I want you again
To be without you,  to truly be without you Is nearly impossible
Just tell me you love me
Whisper it to me softly you love me
Not that I be satisfied, but that you should love me back?
Whatever it is I can do
Tell me, tell me, so my actions can prove the words I say is true
That I cannot spend another lonely day without you

I have so many questions to ask
I don't know if my accusations are true
But some how i couldn't find a way to get over you
To much time to reminisce, to much time to sit and stare
At every lonely moment I'm wishing you was here
So many times that i have cried
So many days i laid there awake
Your loving is dangerous, just give my heart a break
No amount of apologies could ever take away all the pain I've seem to create
Everything that seemed to go wrong was my mistake
Are you happy, or have you ever found relief
Is love still on your mind, or do you think of me
Are you stuck on love, or have you been set free
My feelings are the only things that aren't destroyed except for me
That's why i think about you so constantly...
A million questions to you from me

These teardrops i cry, the ones that fall beneath my eyes
Nobody knows the total pain i feel inside
Outside so warm but inside so cool
Tell me for you why did i play the roll of a fool
Tell me how did i not know
and why i wished you to be gone
Now undelivered every message to your phone
Sorry isn't enough
My bad isn't any good
and i will not know how to love
and so far out misunderstood
These tears that i cry
So heavy when they fall
I have no one to blame because I'm the reason for them all
The days that i spent, in a corner to myself
Nobody could replace a love like yours because it never left
I never ripped it away, i never cut down the strings
That's the reason it drags so heavily
I'm the reason for my pain
because I refuse to let go
and the feelings that i feel you will never let go
You cut me loose
You cut me off for good
and i just have to see your face
Everyday that i walk through
Tell me what's the pain
And why it feels so irregular
I  tried to call your phone but it never reached your cellular
So many teardrops in my eyes
These tears that i seem to cry
Gives you every reason to tell  me goodbye
I'm so stuck up in my ways
I'm so stuck up in my feelings
Your love is the one way i could bring healing
The days fade away, but the tears grow longer
Every day i remind myself to just be stronger

So many lies I tell myself late at night
So ashamed of my past I cry
The fake smile like a sweet lullaby
Late night thoughts drain every part in the inside
How could I disrespect you in such a manner?
Why did I ever give a kiss to such a stranger?
Didn’t stop to think, that’s what put our love in danger
I know you could never find the answer to the question
Why did I lie just to skip the discussion?
I kissed her, I walked around like I was right
My conscious ate me up, I could never cover up what’s right
Long day thinking, late night dreaming
You’re away at a party, and everyone’s feening
You made a decision, so much trust I put in you
You said “I’d never do anything to hurt you”
The reason you never portrayed me
The reason you stayed so true
In this lifetime I never did anything to deserve you
I made that promise to fulfill your needs
To ashamed to say I never did a good deed
I made a promise and I told you your hearts safe
Why did you believe me?
So disturbed by my ways
But to this day and next to the other
I wish I could’ve loved you
Instead of portrayal for another

A deep form of intimacy
When I hold you while we lay
You have the perfect body
But never be afraid
I love the way our bodies feel
When we’re laying when we connected
I know you always seemed to like when I would be so affectionate
You love the attention and the love I love to give
I held your heart in my hands
I promise to always keep it safe
Everytime I get unfocused but I just know right here’s the place
There no mistake we’re here
There’s no need to ever cry
Your gentle touch but timid heart
I know you afraid of goodbyes
Heart break after heartbreak
Left your mind and heart shattered
You’re sure of what you want
Just afraid it may not be any good
Not but one chance
There’s no way you’re taking that chance
You want love in return for your love in advance
Your love is automatic
So if you speak it you mean it
You’re pure heart attracts all the wrong attention
You try to give the benefit of the doubt
Even if repeatedly you mention
You break my heart just listen
I will soon fade away
I love you but I know hurt
But please don’t run away
This intimate conversation
The whispers I here in my ear
Seem to walk me down a path of unreal
You give me an impression I never felt
A high I cannot come down from
Your very spirit uplifts me
Tell me why I get so high off of you
Contemplating how a loveso strong can contain my whole mindset
Got me thinking of my past mistakes
So many regrets
Your lovings sacred I’ll protect it at all cost
This warm embrace wraps around me and I’ll never forget
The intimate conversations that left my mind with regret

My deepest sympathy, my love life is over, I know that I have nothing left
And based on this statement this breakup was my deepest regret
I can’t even sleep, my mind telling me there’s so many things that are incomplete
The mistakes I’ve made I would never repeat
Reflecting back on everything that happened, all the ways I never approached
I wish I could’ve found my love and gave her the letters I wrote
So many paragraphs, and forwarded messages
I should’ve delivered myself
By the selfishness is the reason I’m by myself
You have feelings too, your heart hurts too
I should’ve thought of that before I ever hurt you
Love cannot be bought material things never matter
In the end if I would’ve treated you right our love life would’ve never shattered
Too stupid to just stick with the one I considered my all
That’s how every relationship has it downfalls
Too greedy, I could never handle one when her love was just enough
Love will make you feel sick all the way down to your guts
It’ll make you feel so many symptoms that’s far past a heartache
Just know I never meant for your heart to break
Too obsessed, to stuck, to in love
Too sprung, so high up off your love
So many things I’ve always been ashamed to say
All the hidden secrets must come out today
I was so foolish and I think all these words should be said
My actions seem to be the only thing I dread
Now it’s so hard for me to even go to bed
I’ll never find someone who loved me as much as you did
The simple apologies from the mindset of a kid
I’m left with many memories and the days we shared
Every time I spend time with someone else I envision you was here
I’m the one to blame, and I’ll take all the blame
The list of lies is such a shame
My greatest lost was losing you
March 13 will never be remembered the same
I hope you find closure, I’ll take the blame
Like your love? No I will never find another
Sincerely your Former lover

There was so many reasons to be scared, so many reasons I never talked to you
I never knew how you would react if I told you how my heart was desperately seeking you
So scared of rejection, this path I already been through
But Everytime I looked back, I thought there could be a way to work things out with you
I didn’t mean to aggravate, I just meant to explain the love I once had
Frozen in time when you asked how didn’t I know that
How did I not know that you would hurt, and that it would be hard to communicate with me?
But it was just my mind seeking out for you so desperately
My apologies from deep within, my mistakes listed above
Procrastinating about getting you back, when you was the one I loved
Fighting for the reason you smile, fighting for the reason you look forward to waking up
But trust I’m no longer in control of
Like a bee stings its prey, like a thief in the day
You never know how much you love someone until they go away

Two years ago, so many months behind
Chasing after you, a dreadful feeling of mine
Unable to be in control, unable to control your actions
I tried to regain control without asking
Two years ago, and just a couple weeks back
I panicked because I just let my heart relax
I kept thinking about you, and I kept thinking about me
I can’t force something to work, if it’s not my destiny
My words was smooth, but my actions were cruel
I led you to believe I would never hurt you
What a fool, what a fool
Two years of being stuck on you
Don’t listen to the nonsense
Don’t believe everything you here
Just because you say forever don’t mean the love will stay there
Too much on my mind, too dumb to just let go
Obsessing over you, trying to get back to you
I don’t know what I was thinking
But now I understand what it was
Addicted to the lustful thoughts
Instead of focusing on love
I gave you great pains
I gave you things you never asked for
I wished I did all the things I intended to do
But instead I kept chasing you
The first time I ever been obsessed
The first time I ever been stuck
So many times I asked myself say what
What are you doing?
What are you thinking?
Why haven’t you changed?
How do you expect to get her back?
If you stayed the same
So stupid, so cruel when it came to thoughts
My name never ran across your brain
You was way past the idea of making it work
I was left with all the hurt
You suffered, but I ended up hurting in the end
Everything that once stood tall all had to come to an end
So many days I wanted to cry
So many days I wanted to stay locked in my room
The smell like your sweet perfume
No kiss like yours
No softer feel then your lips
I dread the way I think, because you I still miss
I’ve been everywhere
I’ve been in and out
Not knowing if I’m crazy
Because I said with you, I couldn’t live without
It’s killing my pride
It’s killing my soul
The final moments of me letting go
Don’t judge me from where I been
Just judge me from where I’m at
I know you don’t love me no more
But I wanted the feelings to be as mutual as that
Most of the things are true
The things that I was accused of
Falling in love with the one I was scared of
The one that I just wanted to be friends with
Everything had to end
Everything just happened so sudden
These tears from my eyes
Makes the lines to your heart flooded
I know I cannot understand
I may not ever believe
That I have to let go in order to heal too
But I chose to play the role of a fool
So here’s a reminder
Here’s a reminder never to forget
I may not have you anymore but the memories will still exist
Two years ago I learned how to love
I also learned how to manage
I was terrible, and I never planned it
I wouldn’t know what love is if I invented it
I just needed a shoulder, I just needed something to lean on
Your love I always seem to feen for
Now I finally understand why you left me for
2 Years Ago…

I have so many questions to ask
I don’t know if my accusations are true
But somehow, I couldn’t find a way to get over you
Too much time to reminisce, too much time to sit and stare
At every lonely moment I’m wishing you was here
So many times that I have cried, so many days I laid there awake
Your loving’s dangerous, just give my heart a break
No amount of apologies could ever take away all the pain I’ve seem to create
Everything that seemed to go wrong was my mistake
Are you happy, or have you ever found relief
Is love still on your mind or do you even believe
Have you ever mentioned my name, or do you think of me
Are you stuck on love, or have you been set free
My feelings are the only things that aren’t destroyed, except me
That’s why I think about you so constantly…
A million question to you from me

This version of me, no more sad memories to follow
A heart that didn’t know how to love so bitter and hallow
This version of me more laughter and less pain
So many things that I endured will never feel the same
I’m letting go of all the bad things, they no longer have power
I spent hours and hours of being bitter and sour
Searching for love, searching through lust
So many broken promises, so many broken trusts
This version of me, I intend to keep the biggest smile
Im controller of my happiness
New editions tend to keep me at my best
To stay happy forever, you’ve brought me to my best
My best state I usually complain
Something about your soul just not the same
The only reason I’m not the same
The same, I could never be the same with you
I grow to be better once I obtained you
Filled with such peace, I never knew I could have peace
I hope you stay forever with me
, Please don’t ever hit release…

These many experiences so much lost and the regret
To push love past the point of a bet
Your love can’t compare nothing to the average
Too much on my mind, in my head I hold baggage
The thoughts of the first time I ever loved
The first time I truly used my heart
Broke me down to the bone, never knowing how to start
Never knowing how to explain, I didn’t know how to love
But for you I would never put no one above
How do I explain, a love that’s stronger than a friendship
A love that’s stronger than the love for someone so ordinary
Your love felt so magically, it was so imaginary
Never temporary, the thoughts of it forever lasting
To my heart I held the pain
But in my mind I felt the blasting
I felt the pain that I couldn’t imagine physically
Tell me what did I do for you to be so into me
What did you do for me to be so stuck on you
Just to lay, just to kiss, just the gentle feel of your lips
How the hell did I fall so hard with just one kiss
With just one time, just one night, just so many emotions gathered
But to get rid of your love my heart just shattered
This is beyond love, beyond lust, I was just stuck
To say that I love you and that you’ll never trust
My heart you couldn’t look into, you just didn’t see where you went wrong
I used to long for your love once again
Just to hear your voice on the phone
Life’s crazy and comes with so many things we don’t expect
I gave my whole life dedicated to you in return for nothing left
I had nothing left, I put everything on the line, just to get your heart back
Unable to breathe, unable to speak, much like a heart attack
Much like a heart ache, a tummy ache, it felt so heavy
My love so strong, the weakest moments made me feel so crazy
2 years of mourning, 2 years of wishing for better
The bruise struck me deep
Never thought I could get better
I never imagined the days where I could stop the insane thoughts
The insane placed my mind took me
Your love wrapped around my mind and hooked me
So much sympathy, felt like I loved you so much
Even when I wanted to let go it felt like my heart would crush
Now these thoughts seem to be a reminder, a reminder
Never to put your heart past the point of return
You get what you give, so I never got nothing in return
I gave you sadness with a mixture of only the things I knew
In my mind I loved you so much, but I never deserved you
It was too fast, the process should have been slower
The process should have been in steps
I felt sadder than I ever had when I had less
You felt so high up, you felt like someone only within dreams
And to realize even the greatest things aren’t as good as it seems
You can pretend to be happy but it’ll never compare to the true feeling
Your love brought me faith and all your heart needed was healing
So many apologies, so many things I told myself I would never say
But your love has too much of a hold on me
You told me you was here to stay
I thought that meant through whatever
I thought that was through the worst
But to realize you couldn’t stay if I did wrong and put you through a hurt
If I put you past your breaking point, then you could never return
And if I was to ever lose you, then I would finally learn
I would finally change my ways, that I would finally grow
And that I would eventually know how to love
But in order to get past the process, I had to feel the same hurt
The same crushed feeling
The same sad cries
To see how it felt to be fed all these lies
Karma comes and lessons are learned
If you do wrong, the process will be long learned
To fix your broken heart the love you will have to earn
And if I found your love I know it would be hard
I would never make my way in
Cause the thoughts that run through my head aren’t well thought out
I’m so wrapped up in so many memories, I don’t know how to think things out
I got to react the right way and from the past I can’t return back to you
If I would of waited instead of rushed
If I was to slow down and give you time
Things would have been better and I would never have to lie
Love is a strong feeling, it’s the hardest feeling to over come
No matter how much I say I’m done my heart will forever feel numb
So dumb to the fact that I didn’t know how to feel without your love
Not smart enough to move past and regain enough
I couldn’t stop the thoughts
I couldn’t stop my mind from wondering
In a soul so sacred, I always seemed to keep plundering
I didn’t know how to say the words without being so blunt
I didn’t know how to explain without being so open
Your love came with damage and I never seemed to consider that you wasn’t ready
You wasn’t ready to speak I just cared about one thing
The one thing you wasn’t sure about
The ***, was never my thoughts
Just to give you quality time and never over talk or pout
To move past, to stop being stubborn to realize I can’t just sit here and ruin
Told myself what the hell are you doing
Why won’t you let go, why are you so stuck in this phase
Just the thought of a possibility of your love I went straight for it
I went out of all means to achieve
But you had the opposite reaction, and told me to leave
You told me to just move on
And I thought maybe I could heal if I left you alone
I was too scared to let you go, too afraid of someone loving you better than I did
But the stingy thoughts put me in the mindset of a kid
It put me in the mindset to be selfish and that thought of you not achieving happiness
So tell me what’s a long relationship without the stages of sadness
It takes a lot of work, it takes time and patience
But I never realized that, so in my head I went crazy
My thought process was lazy, trying to find loopholes, the easiest way out
But I found you, yet you found me and I found a way out
I found love and the quickest moment I lost it
So tell me if your love was so great
How the hell did I find a way to be without it
Trials and tribulations, these are just the thoughts of the strong lover
Never to compare my first love to such a distant lover

You ever been depressed so much that you can’t even breathe
My visions become the actions that I speak
Easy but I never meant to do it intentionally
My mind crazy thoughts, it just seems to get in between
My love life so wrapped up on all the things I’ve seen
You never realize the hurt to its degree
You never seem to see the vision
Never see the things I see
Outside so strong but inside I’m so weak
Tell me why I think about you so constantly
Tell me why I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t even speak
To envision you I can never ever see
Life’s hard the highest mountain I can’t even reach
My hearts cold, take away all the negativity
I share my love with you? But them things you could never see
I loved you the most but I’m the one you’ve hated
You used to love me
I’m the one that love you the most
But me? No you can’t envision it
But I’m stuck on you doing all these crazy things
Putting pieces together trying to get over the thought
Trying to undo what’s done but I took you for granted
The thins I did I can never undo
The things I did I can never take back
And you was stuck on my mind
Wish I could take it all back
I wish I could go back to the start and never do the things I did
But I did, I did do what I did
I did all the things you was scared of being done
But you loved me
You love everything about me
Now you sitting here thinking what to do without me
But it’s all good, but your heart
You can’t take them things away
Now I’m sitting here mind blown
Hoping everything’s going to be ok
I just need to go back in time, I just need to go back to that day
When you once loved me
And everything was ok
And everything was all good
By my side you always stood close
That’s where I needed you the most
Crazy thoughts in my head, I think I loved you the most
But you showed it a little better
Just thinking of all the times when we was still together
In the past, but it’s the future
Now my words seem so stupid
I know we won’t ever speak again
But when you hear this you’ll always know that this is about you
So close to my heart lays an empty soul
Never thought I could live without you

The saddest faces come from the kindest hearts
Trying so hard not to fall apart
Karma comes and people go
Never interrupt the slow movements of the cold
Cold hearted, and simply separate
Seeking love from those who don’t love back seems a little desperate
I’ve been crying, yes I’ve been crying
So sick from my own mistakes
Some hearts are too precious to replace
Some hearts are too kind to mistake
I can’t keep everything inside
It’s been inside for too long
Why do I have to pull together when I’ve been so strong
But deep inside I know it’s so wrong
Because I’ve been broken for so long
Tears seem to stream because I’ve seen it all before
A bitter heart trynna love such a cold soul
These tears that I’ve shed I’ve felt them all before
I just wish I never had to feel this pain anymore
What do I do
What can I say to make it all right
So tired of the constant conversations of fussing and fighting
I can’t be strong like I use to
I can’t pretend that I moved on
Everytime I seem to interact I get that gut feeling
I get that weak feeling deep inside
But I refuse to cry, I got to much pride
I would do it all over again
Just to see your beautiful face
Just to hold you one last time
How can I act like I’m not bothered
When I can’t even ignore the facts
That I love you so much
But I’ll never hear it back
War cry... I got my game face on
The hardest part is trynna tell my mind to move on

My thoughts, my head, everything seems to turn into a reality
To think such actions could turn into a tragedy
To think the things I said meant so much to you
To sit and think to you is who I owe my apology
Every bone in my body seems to be bothering me
Is it guilt, is it your words, maybe the dreams
Every temptation isn’t as good as it seems
It wasn’t good, it just took my mind off of the good things
Everything that had you in it was good
But things to me was never clear or understood
Complaints, complaints, complaints, is all I hear
My mind never seems to rest
It never seems to settle
All the thoughts in my head seem to be put in this message
So heaven sent, so perfect, but my mentality was never right
I love you, yet I made this big mistake
To distance myself and make you go away
To be gifted with such a cruel punishment that never took my feelings away
My punishment, my punishment, my punishment, good lord my punishment
Made me grow, but yet I feel weak
It took days, weeks, and years just to settle my heart
Loving you I never regret, not showing my love, not giving you my best
My unsure mentality lead to such a tragedy
To my future lady the thoughts of this might keep you mad at me

Fatal attraction is common
With you I seemed so hooked
My love for you is like a fairytale in a book
So unreal, like nothing you ever seen before
But your looks, that smile, all those things I used to adore
Get over and move past, or be down to your last
But the time is yet gone, my heart is like glass
So enclosed, so close, the pain seems to hurt
Now that you’re gone, I’m down to my worst
To give up I could never do, because my heart, it wanted you
So many apologies, to right my wrongs I could never do
I’m sorry, but it is way past, I hope you can learn to love
And when you give someone your all then no one will ever come above

Drowning in tears
Sinkin in pills
I wonder how great happiness feel
I use to get the feeling
The feeling that i may not make it
Smiling what a fake grin
How is it that you live with yourself knowing what you did
How is it that i have to take my life just to get peace
While you live on and I feel deceased
How dare you take everything i hold close
Then act like you right
When no one knows
To unlock secrets and began my life
I let you go off the chain
Knowing i still suffer
Knowing i still cant get past
I let you dog me out and still pass
I let you strip me down in every way
****** my mind and take my soul out of my chest
I wanna hurt you like you did me
But im not that heartless
I have every reason but i let you go cause i need peace
I hope you happy that deep down inside you destroyed me
I still wonder why I let you slide
The damages i have inside can never die
I hope they never ressurect
Cause i dont know how much life I got left

Sad desires, so sad and sorry
Complicated and complex
Tell me when will the grieving stop
Why can’t I get over my ex
So much love, so many situations, so many things I can’t change
My love life I never could explain
The reason for portrayal
And why I hurt you
Ever part of my body’s telling me I didn’t deserve you
Man oh man, all these emotions within
Music to my ears to keep my tears in
To keep my face straight
I think I’ve learned my lesson
All the expressions, clear signs of depression
Sad desires and happy hopes
At the hardest moments I should of held you close
I mope, I mope, so sad, so memorable
So sly but hearing things I never heard
Please take me back to the month of the third

Fatal attraction part II
Fatal attraction
Dissatisfaction
Would lead to the ultimate detachment
Fatal attraction
It's your love that's killing me
It's the slight thought that surrounds the thoughts of you killing me
Miles away , miles and miles away
The dark clouds fade, the dark clouds fade
Go away go away
Is it your exact face , that's really
Thats really killing me
Knowing that there are no part of you feeling me
I wanna go then i wanna fade from these broke down feelings
Why do I divide my mind
A fight i cant seem to win
But my inner thoughts just slowly let you in
Out of control I seem to lose control
But no i cant go no i cant go
Digging deep inside this bottomless hole
So where do we fall
If we do that at all
My mind sending off signs
Thats i don't intend to hold
Let me go
Let me free
My real thoughts I think?
Nah it could not be
Tell me why should I
When I know my true intentions
Why should I fight my heart and my mind for a position
But do you listen but do you listen
Nah I try to camaflouge these words in my spirit
If I cannot stop falling then I must stay put
For I do not know if what i may think is okay
To scared to hinder my name
Cool breeze old bay
I hope to learn to be okay
Whats ment to be will always remain
If i do believe i do retain
If its meant to be Lord send it my way
If not I'll be okay
No dont you look this way
I hold it so tight toxically thinking it'll stay
Let it fly and grow
And happiness to follow
A smile so wide
It'll carry you to tommorow
As the days past and the night seems to hit
I wonder do you remember the first time love exist

Loud cries, red eyes hidden in the darkest nights
The signs of depression seem to come to the light
To ashamed to cry, to afraid to feel
Cause being in love was once my biggest fears
To scared to fall, to fall I could never do
But my depression never seem to keep me from loving you
Such a relief off my heart
Such a love I never obtained
The love stuck to me, took ahold of my brain
Sometimes I couldn’t speak
I just wish I could explain
It was either let go of you or go insane
I chose to hold on, I chose to continue my love
But not purposely but my heart wouldn’t let me detach
My heart wouldn’t let you hurt alone
So tell me am I crazy or am I scared to leave you alone
The signs of depression, the signs they never seen
I’m blind to love, only to fall in my dreams

Staring in your eyes
I see something special
I’ve seen things I only imagined
Is it true or am I’m tripping
I’ve never got this feeling
This feeling of love
Dig down deeper
You’ll see the dread
The dread that I never intervened sooner
The fact that your love have me stupid
So foolish but I love it
It seems like it’s my only escape
You make me so happy
No soul could ever relate
Your presence gave me more shock
And you kiss
Something I’ll always reminisce
Even if you ever left I’d never run empty
Every step of love I hope that you remain with me
Is it happiness I’m chasing or is it you
Is it crazy how happy you make me
And it only comes from you
I was missing out
But I’m glad I joined
From your heart to mine
The love will never stop flowing

The day has come, that we must say goodbye
The time has come that everything must come to an end
Just as briefly as it began
No more dragging it along
No more trying to force it to work
No more wondering do you have to lurk
So goodbye to the best, and hello to the future
Hello to the new things
So the anger can stop and there won’t be no more whirlwinds
Show me the path and that way I will follow
A place where only a few can stand, because it seems so hollow
Look up and look out
Reach up and reach down
A new life I’ve seem to found
I’m trying to pick up what fell and be on my way
So everything will be ok
Just no the frost will never melt away
To you I’m a stranger, just like someone you’ve never met
A thing of the past
A heart I never kept
The end is surely coming
I just feel it within
There’s so many things to review before I can begin
You got that look in your eye
That look of uncertainty
The look that lets me know you’re not sure
A look that’s telling me you put everything in this choice
So how do I silence all of these noises?
I want to understand, I just love to listen
Your words were so cruel, but I couldn’t dip in
I just had to let it happen
I had to let you do it on your own
No more late night calls or being on the phone
So many things that flashed in front of me
Making it hard to decide
Whether I wanted to let go or stay by your side
So many reviews I had to go through
The long process of letting go of you
Deciding what memories I wanted to keep
What memories I wanted to remember
There’s no other way to tell me goodbye
Then saying “I no longer what to be with her”

There's a stranger in my bedroom
And im scared to say I may not be able to mention what happened today
Theres these visions in my head
Im scared to replay
Got me contemplating whether im really okay
How your fingers corress me in such a disrespectful manner
I tell you no and it still dont matter
Why wont you stop
Why does no mean nothing to you
Ive been taking pills hoping i dissapear
Ive been playing with a rope for to long
Sometimes i wonder would it stop if I was gone
Picture this
Flashbacks from when I wrote my last note
I tried to pull I tried to pull but I still woke up

I wish I could've changed sooner
So you wouldn't have to hurt
I disrespected you in so many ways you never deserved
Why do you stay with me
I could never figure out
You seen so much potential I would always doubt
Why did I hurt you
One question I could never answer
I wanted to be your blessing
But my actions changed me into the curse
Now I see why you always say you get the worst
It's always you but really it's always me
You deserve the world
That I should leave
We've been through so much
No one could ever understand
Too many misunderstandings were never planned
You always held me down
Keep it true to the end
I downgraded you position and treated you like a friend
My love holds more than just a friend
I love you like a lover
I love you with every part of me
I need help letting go this ****** up part of me
I wanna change and become the person I intend to be
I want that old love back instead of making excuses and giving apologizes
Do you love me still even thou i dont deserve it
Do you love me still even thou i aint perfect
My apologies my sinceres apologies

Im so tired
I'm so tired
I feel so weak
I feel so numb
No words to speak
I want to give up
I wanna let go
I cannot provide
I feel so low.
I'm so so tired
I'm so so tired
This cycle never ends
It just repeats
My heart slowly decreases to beat
I have to be strong
I have to pull through
Why do I have to fight
When I could just give up
I try I try but never no luck
I don't understand
Maybe I should stop
If my time ends
I hope that I drop

This Dark hole holds dark secrets
The reason i cant open up to no one
I wont dare open up
Foolish mistakes for thinking im stuck up
But hey it doesn't bother me
It never seems to bother me
But i still go on with my apology


sigh
I get it I really really get it
Mad at yourself for being so ignorant
Mad at yourself for so many unknown reasons
I used to do what makes other happy
Now I would never deal with it

break
I growed
Over time ive grown
To deal with the pain you suffered all alone
You call but no one answers the phone
You need help you need help
But no one comes along
How do I deal with this thing we call depression
Stuck in this sunken room full of obsession
Obsessed with every part
Every part that I always wished for
No more active talking or getting out anymore
I'm stuck in this sunken room
Where words turn into whispers
Words sound like distant chatters
Seems like the ones you care for the most wont even acknowledge you matter
Heart shatters
Stabbed with this dagger
So many promises that you to matter
But do you
Show me cause i really need to see
Shielding off new so you cannot harm me
3rd degree you cut me deep its so easy to see you hurt me


*sigh

You what perfection look like
A beautiful flower that blows
The way your eyes use to flutter
Shined like a sweet rose
The way you had me locked in
And never found a way out
Til death do us part I will never let out
I wish I could change so much
Maybe I changed way to many
Sweet, friendly heart
To bitter never ending
I wish I was taught how to love
But I never figured out
To seal my aching heart
I never wanna do without
Your love it healed me
So many places scared
Locked and loaded
Never to pull apart
Your sweet loving, keeps my mind wondering
To get back to you I’ll keep plundering
I let go of pain
I let go of sorrow
Can we turn backs the hands
But fast forward to tommorow
You make life worth living
And living worth life
To settle down and fall in love
I just might

The day has come, that we must say goodbye
The time has come that everything must come to an end
Just as briefly as it began
No more dragging it along
No more trying to force it to work
No more wondering do you have to lurk
So goodbye to the best, and hello to the future
Hello to the new things
So the anger can stop and there won’t be no more whirlwinds
Show me the path and that way I will follow
A place where only a few can stand, because it seems so hollow
Look up and look out
Reach up and reach down
A new life I’ve seem to found
I’m trying to pick up what fell and be on my way
So everything will be ok
Just no the frost will never melt away
To you I’m a stranger, just like someone you’ve never met
A thing of the past
A heart I never kept
The end is surely coming
I just feel it within
There’s so many things to review before I can begin
You got that look in your eye
That look of uncertainty
The look that lets me know you’re not sure
A look that’s telling me you put everything in this choice
So how do I silence all of these noises?
I want to understand, I just love to listen
Your words were so cruel, but I couldn’t dip in
I just had to let it happen
I had to let you do it on your own
No more late night calls or being on the phone
So many things that flashed in front of me
Making it hard to decide
Whether I wanted to let go or stay by your side
So many reviews I had to go through
The long process of letting go of you
Deciding what memories I wanted to keep
What memories I wanted to remember
There’s no other way to tell me goodbye
Then saying “I no longer what to be with her”

Falling hearts, falling spirits, we’ve all become victims
If you ever fell in love, tell me are these the symptoms
To stuck on love? No I’m to **** on you
I call and call but I can’t get through
I can’t get past, something in my heart won’t let me leave
You have a hold on my love
So much discomfort has been bothering me
Bring me to the point, to the point you brought me
How could I look past when your image just seems to haunt me?
The mistakes, the mistakes, the mistakes
Grieving your love and I seem to cough up all my feelings
Tell me is this love or 2 years of healing
Me healing, yet your heart
None of this should’ve happened, I’m too dumb to gain you I don’t deserve
I don’t even deserve your words
No I don’t even deserve your presence
But the hurt I feel in my body only seems to be a lesson
Stuck on you, stuck on who? Yea I’m stuck on you
Tell me, tell me what am I supposed to do
What can I say, how can I sleep, I can’t even eat
The thought of you, and the thought of me, just makes me weak
It just makes me imagine all the things that could have been
If I would of considered your love and stayed true to the end
Your love to powerful, so many falling hearts
Everything I think to write you, my thoughts fall apart
Time will tell or will I tell time
To rewind back to the days when you were once mine
And I never lied… to you
I could never seem to be without you?
Where would I be?