I really wish I didn’t give a **** about so many things.
I care about things and people that I really should not care about. It isn’t good for my health.
It’s absolutely exhausting.
It wears down on my soul.
Over time I’ve realized that my soul is like an old ***** dish rag that has been tossed and burned and wrung out too many times by too many people I’ve cared for.
I’ve had many people go down the wrong road in life and become shells of who they once were
…I’ve had too many die.
I’ve reached out far too many times and each time my hand gets burnt.
I’m absolutely exhausted and I can’t learn from all the times I’ve been burned.
I’m becoming uncomfortably numb to these situations.
Someone may die tonight…” oh…”
Yeah, You know what they say, right?
”You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make em’ drink.”
All my life I’ve been trying to force horses to drink the ****** water and I have to sit there and watch them shrivel up and die right in front of me. Time and time again.
"Get up, ******* it! PLEASE get up! All You have to do is ******* drink this! Do you hear me? I’m trying to help you! PLEASE GET UP!"
…Do you have any idea what that’s like?
I feel like a fool who should stop fighting.
This is from a year ago...Pretty sure this isn't a poem, but more rambling, than anything. This something I wrote during a moment of depression and feelings about giving up on people in crisis, because I usually got hurt in the process or lost them. This is about my personal experience losing friends to toxic people, drug/ alcohol -addiction , poor decisions, and worst of all...suicide.. It wears on you after a while trying to save people who slap your hand away. You become tired and jaded. You just want to sleep forever and never worry about another soul again. (God, I am so emo)