Is it all worth it though?
Is all the mental torture worth it?
Are all these sleepless nights worth it?
Am i being selfish or am i just being taken advantage of?
Do i even still want this?
Is it worth it?
Is being said “you’re unloving”
“You’re not helping me in any way”
“Girls like you make me go depressed”
“You don’t care for me”
“This is why I want to be single”
“Your efforts are nothing”
“You’re making me more stressed”
“You make me feel insecure about myself”
“You behave like a ****”
Hearing all these and more,
Feeling completely useless,
Having no words to say back,
Is being speechless worth it?
Or defending myself and getting beaten up by even more harsh word worth it?
WHAT IS WORTH IT?
I have been there for you through everything but there’s a difference between being your support to lean on and being your punching bag to vent out all your frustrations.
Harsh words, rude comments and disrespect has been thrown around several times, and I have shut up for most of it.
As much as I retreat, you beat me to it.
Feeling nothing but emptyness recently.
I get that you’re going through something, but that doesn’t make me any less hunan than you are.
I am going to feel. I am going to hurt. I am going to cry.
I’m not strong enough to push aside my emotional stability to support your verbal abuse.
I am trying.
How much longer till my tears completely dry up?
How much longer till I’ve completely become numb?
How much longer till I break?
How much longer till I go mad?
How much longer till I’ve had enough?
Do I want this?
Do I love myself more?
Or do I love you more?
Is it worth taking the risk?
Is it worth it?
If love was an object,
it would be my blanket.
It keeps me warm.
I would shiver without it.
It keeps me safe.
A place to hide.
Gentle upon my skin.
Peaceful, sleep-filled nights.
It's something I want,
not something I need.
It wraps me tight.
The most comfortable hug.
day and night.
It's the kind of love,
we all yearn for.
We take a blanket for advantage.
" Ever asked yourself why you stayed?
Was it because you loved her?
Or was it comfort?"
Love is comfortable.
Comfort is loving.
One without the other,
There's no right or wrong in asking such a question.
You stumble upon it and find yourself asking that question when things change. When people change. When relationships change.
And there's no right or wrong answering otherwise.
Found in words.
Foreign to you.
Ever felt like you needed that special someone to just listen to your sorrows and be there for you without stating reality and loving you the way you feel loved?
However personalities clash.
And you don't exactly need that special someone.
But you need yourself, more than ever.
My heart sets itself on a thin rope
My head is an uncontrollable mess
My neck sinks low from apologies
My mind wouldn't think less
My eyes plead for your mercy
My hands ache for your touch
My mouth craves for your love
My feet follows your path
I know I'm not easy to love. I'm full of insecurities and I'm full of flaws. I overthink and then I beat myself up with it.
My eyes never rest till my heart is settled, and my mind is clear.
And I apologise for the mess I am.
For my fragility
For the heart that is purely sensitive
At the slightest emotion felt
For the mind that beats itself up
Creating such invalid thoughts
For the eyes that were never dry
From the tears that always fell
For the difficult self I am
Sometimes I don't know if it's me, or you, or the relationship that needs the working on.
I have ached for you without consent.
I have listened to what might not want to be shared.
I have cleansed my tongue from words that spite.
I have allowed my heart to breathe, for you.
I'd still give you my heart,
because I know it brings no harm.
Perceive it the way you want to.