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I lost myself at age 7.
I crawled into bed and then disappeared.
my childhood behind me—
erased.
set on fire.
all it took was one touch for it all to burn down.
no more trust.
no more love.
no more innocence.
gone.
 Mar 2020 Nola Leech
Łëïçkî
It wasn't supposed to be, missing you at 2:05 am.
I imagined snorting lines of ******* and cutting my skin.
It wasn't supposed to be, missing you at 2:06 am.
I envisioned a drunken mess sprawled across my bed.
It wasn't supposed to be, missing you at 2:07 am.
I was supposed to be high and stumbling around campus.
I wasn't supposed to be thinking about you.
I wasn't supposed to miss you.
I miss you.
lost in the throws of a 24 hour break up
disclaimer for the substance abuse and self harm
 Mar 2020 Nola Leech
Troy
Nightmares
 Mar 2020 Nola Leech
Troy
You are the star
of each and every
one of my nightmares,
in most of them

You hand me a sugar cube
With the brightest smile
So welcoming
so warm

I greedily accepted
Placing it on the tip
Of my tongue

Until reality sets in
I did not get delivered sugar,
But rather

salt

This is what abuse is:
Hoping you will get sugar
Every time

But always ending with salt
For seventeen year.
I'm okay.
 Mar 2020 Nola Leech
pierrot
you said you loved me
and refused to apologize
for making a painting out of my skin
in the same breath

you should have known
I never fancied impressionism
 Mar 2020 Nola Leech
N
Mother gave
me a blade

Mine was pink,
hers was purple

It was a useless sharp thing
that’s always in my drawer

One night,
I reached for the blade,
and it felt like my
mother’s embrace  

Every time I used it,
I was being released
from all my pains

Thank you, mother
I just realized while cutting my arms that I only use the blade she gave me years ago. I used it the first time I ever cut myself how ironic.
 Mar 2020 Nola Leech
Gray Dawson
Scared of the silence that presses
Clinging to you like my too tight fitting jeans
Suffocation isn't a possibility
It's a reality
Left gasping and grasping for air that will never come back
Trying to speak the truth
But the language has abandoned me
I'm not writing
I am thinking
Trying to think away the silence
I am drowning
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