it's sad that you feel no one can love you,
to feel only the one person who hurt you, will be the only one to of loved you,
when his love was in ways good and bad,
but the bad outweighed the good,

you as you are, miss him for every time it was good.
and  you as you are, try to use it to cover up the bad things,
you remember, there were lots of good thing that happened,
and you wonder, how many bad things really happened,
as you see the bad were always there, just ignored,
if a living soul only truly knew,
like a child I played hide and seek with this one, but made sure it was never to be found,
and lived the pain that stays and will follows you around,
like the things you wished you could of done more about,
this is why I can't allow myself to love anyone,
even if I deserve them
even if I want them,
even if they wanted to,
I don't know how to trust that way again,

I don't remember turning fifteen,
so I promised myself never to live that day again,
I can't celebrate my birthday without hating the skin I have to live in,
My body feels disgusted by all the things I have to remember,
I ******* turned fifteen, and what you did,
was far from the gift I wanted,
but I still stayed with you,

as I was so blinded,
maybe by you.
maybe still,
why do I still want you,
why do I still want to be with such a bad soul as you,
I've shut my heart out to anyone else,
I planed at fourteen that at eighteen I'd move away with you,
what was I thinking,

you've only brought me pain,
only made me cry,
only made me remember things I tried to forget,
this is why I took up smoking cigarettes,
and burning away my pain,
giving the third degree to my skin like it's you,
I doubt you have felt an inch of the pain I have been dealt by you,
because I was nothing but good to you,

just not myself,
when it came to you,
I still remember the good though,
the times we smiled,
and went for walks,
and saw two dollar movies over and over but never really saw them,
I wish I could have it all back before it all got bad,
but I can't.
and i'm unlovable now.
because I gave a fool my trust,
when I should of run,

oh do I love you,
or does my head just make me think I do.
as my heart beats so fast my breath can't keep up,
and I feel like I'm going to die,
as if this is some power you put over me,

but, sometimes my brain turns my thoughts into lies,
as if maybe, to help me get by, make it easiest to pass the time,
Because I know for more then a fact,
I don't deserve to be loved back,
from a person as good as the one in front of me now,

so these lies get spat out,
to distract me and you from the truth.
as I know, I need to save them from myself,

no one can love me,
like on most days,
not even myself.

I watched them bleed tears,
watched the red stain their pale face like it wanted to tear away what was under their skin,

as if tears of blood were telling them you're thicker within.
but you see,
they, couldn't stop crying,

couldn't get it all out,
what has been done to them,
they can't even speak about.

you told them blood is thicker than water,
but they bleed the thickest red tears, so large,
like ink, and will overwrite your name,

from their memory,
from there family,
from everything you have taken from them,

they won't need you gripping at their ankles,
always being the one to pull them down every time they were in a fight,
no longer will will you make them feel like they're living a worthless life,

all the good memories have been bleed on,
red ink does not come out with an apology,
and it doesn't even lift the stain lightly,

when it's done to spite them
and despite their innocence,
and despite their age,

but you ruined them,
and you think they should grow up about it,
move on about it,

and forgive you,
they kept silent,
every night they cried because of the things you would do,

and now when they cry,
they begin to bleed,
Thick tears to cover up the mess,

as to try and fix all the monstrous distresses,
fixing their family to feel something right,
breaking limbs off the family tree til it's nothing but a wreck,

snapping the limbs harder as they picture yours in its place instead,
and this is trying to live,
for them,

while everyone, they have left,
still wants to fight them,
and hurt them more then they already are.

Feathered head and weathered dreads,
no one comes out to play with me and my imaginary friends,
I promise were lots of fun,
we are we are,
I promise oh please,
come out and play with me,
were waiting to see,
we wait to see your fears,
and all your uncaught unsafe dreams,
fall right apart,
oh it'll be a blast, it'll be sweet,
this nightmare dream is totally neat!
don't be shy,
come eat a slice of america's mini apple pie,
but you're not allowed one bite,
until you come outside with me and my imaginary friends!
we can fake our deaths,
and rob our neighbors cars for cigarettes.
and if we see they don't have any left,
we will just borrow the money instead!
so why won't you come outside with me and my imaginary friends?
but first,
fly yourself on out the front door.
so we can destroy the world.
just you,
me
and my
imaginary friends.