Ruined my life
Made it a hell
It wasn't my fault i can finally tell

******* for making me make my decisions
Based off of your stupid own ****** religions
Why would i care about going to heaven when i've survived hell through your dreams and your passions

What i'm about to do i'll make sure involves you (as always)
What i will do will be all about you (as always)
Let this not be about me and my weakness
But a megaphone broadcasting inhumanness

Here's one last vow
Before i end it all
YOU ******* ****
I'LL MAKE SURE YOU TAKE YOUR FALL

I don't believe anything
I'm so tired of watching my back
For nothing

Or is it nothing?
What if it's something?
Do they see me as something?

Something to toy with
Something to talk about
Behind my back with

I love her i do
But i'm terrified too
That she's toying with me

Whenever i leave
Her arms and her sight
She tells them of our night

And they laugh
For i'm so foolish
To think anyone would love me

I love him i do
My brother i've trusted
For years since we climbed trees

But when i see him
Talk to people i've
Never met

And they laugh
His lips make my name
Did he ever think of me the same?

But i dont know
If it's all in my head
And i dont want to lose them

If i lose them
There's nobody left
I just wish i could be sure of if they were lying to me

Or if i was lying to me
God i hope
It's just me lying to me

You told me to be kind
And kind i was
You told me to be true
And true i was

You told me to believe
And believe i did
You told me to be giving
And give i did

But now
Now i can't fight

Too kind to defend
Too weak to defend
Too true to pretend
Too naive to pretend

Too faithful to take control
Too delusional for that
Too giving, i gave it all
Now i have nothing left

Why did you make me
So beautiful and bright
When i would live in a world
That would eat up all light

I didn't know i'd have to lie in interviews
I didn't know i'd have to fight when words failed
I didn't know god wouldn't always save me
I didn't know i'd have to keep things for myself

I didn't know about the real world

Good Morning, Miss Natalie
I'm fine, how are you?
A spell of politeness and flattery
Specially written for you.

Holy f*cking ****, Alex
If we get caught, we're so *******
Energy unbound, mischief abound
Spells i cast to keep up with you.

I'm fine, don't worry, Mother.
I love you but you must let me write these myself
Silenced lips, secrets and the curse of respect
Wards protecting the fears i shove in the back of my shelf
.
.
.
hey...you...
i missed you today

you press your face,
mumbling, into the palm of my hand
my grimoire begins melting
the spells dripping from where i stand

i caress your cheeks with my thumbs
small circles,
gentle, light
the utter safety of what i can trust to be true

i have no need for spells around you.

Mother, father, friends and family
Thanks for the bricks you've thrown at me
I've been using them to build the wall
From behind which i'll end it all

More than ever
I want the world to stop
My skin is beginning to tether
Everything's going too fast

I just need time

I was taught i would know
To whom i would go
When my fingers would fit between theirs

So i held many hands
But none fit so then
I let go and began to despair

So when i held yours first
In my sad mind i cursed
Cause the answer proved same as before

But when i pulled away
You held on and you said
You believed that we could be much more

Then I felt your hands change
Fingers start to arrange
Soon enough mine too had done the same

And before my own eyes
I saw my precious prize
For enduring and winning this game

Your fingers and mine
Fit together just fine
And to this day with you i remain