In the darkest time,
when I was at my worst.
I woke up on the floor,
with a black-out thirst.
I drank to forget,
to sleep without dreams.
It worked while I held it,
then it started holding me.
This poem’s not about drinking,
or making an excuse.
It’s about what I forgot,
while forgetting you.
No, I take that back,
It’s not what I forgot.
This is about what I remember,
and now I remember a lot.
I met you on Facebook,
through the Stephen King group.
Then, I was happily married,
and then so were you.
We became quick friends,
both sarcastic and rude.
It was innocent friendship,
just friendship, it’s true.
Then we became closer,
as my problems grew,
and your baby was born too early,
but we helped each other through.
We became best friends,
discussing everything.
I watched your kids grow,
and laughed when you’d sing.
It was innocent,
but didn’t stay that way.
Because I realized you loved me,
and that I felt the same way.
We said it to each other,
as casual friends,
but we both knew the meaning,
of each syllable sent.
Then we planned to meet,
me divorced, but you not.
We were both so excited,
the tickets already bought.
I felt so guilty,
because I was at my worst.
I knew I wasn’t coming,
but I think you knew first.
We fought then,
and I ran away.
Deleted everything,
and grew worse every day.
Your trip came and passed,
and I wanted to call.
I was so ******* ashamed,
I let you down after all.
Six months went by,
and I wrote an email each day.
My mouse would waver on send,
but never send it away.
I did finally send it,
and we’re talking again.
But it’s different now,
and I want it to mend.
Now you’re divorced,
and unhappy I know.
You dealt with that **** alone,
because I was a no show.
I can never express,
how sorry I am.
I can never take it back,
and for that I am ******.
You deserved more,
than the sole of my shoe.
You deserved so much more,
than my stupid “I love you”.
I’m sorry....