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All I know
Is that
If someone laid out
a platter of personalities
And told me:
“Pick your identity.”
I wouldn’t pick me.
I no longer call your name into the night
no more do my hands fit to yours
I have forgotten how your voice sounds
it took some time, but my heart stopped syncopating to the beat of yours
and in the process of letting go of you I became mine.
 Apr 2016 Heartbreak Motel
Eudora
If a person would starve,
just so he could eat...
How could you think...
she would want him to suffer?

If a person would walk miles with him,
just to be sure he is safe...
How could you think...
she would want to harm him?

If a person would make sacrifices,
to ease his burden...
How could you think...
she would add to his worries?

If a person would silently cry all night,
feeling his sorrows and troubles...
How could you think...
she would hurt him? *

If a person has promised and have always,
kept his secrets safe with her...
How could you think...
she would intentionally betray his trust?

If a person could do anything,
just to make him smile, to see him happy...
How could you think...
she would deceive him?

If a person have done all the things that she could,
to prove that he means the world to her...
How could you think...
she would deliberately disappoint him?

If a person cannot imagine,
him not by her side as who he has always been...
How could you think...
she wouldn't care to lose him?

If a person have always treasured,
all that he have shared with her...
How could you think...
she would dare to make him feel this way?

If a person is only a person,
Only a human who made a stupid mistake...
How could you think...
she did not fall on her knees...
beating herself for the crime she had not committed?

If a person have always put him,
before herself...
How could you think
her heart is not breaking just as much?
She would take away his pain, but never would she want to cause him pain.
You're the drug
Which I can't live without
You're the caffeine
That keeps me on my feet
You're the final alarm clock
That wakes me up...

And even when you're gone
Then your traces are still there
The lingering feeling of you
Is still here...

The sweet taste
Of bitterness
The warmth that's spreading
In every corner of me
The burning sensation
Left on my tongue
'Cause I couldn't wait
Until you had cooled down...

Even though I know
That I shouldn't get addicted
To you
Then I can't stop myself
From longing after you...

I'm not very happy
The days that I can't drink you
I'm actually grumpy
Until I taste you...

I prefer you black
Just as you are made by the nature
There's no need for sugar
To me you're already perfect as you can be
And I won't let anything
Change it...

I tend to seek you more
When I'm having a hard time
Because you're the element
Which brings me back down to earth again...

I want to treasure you
But that's hard to do
'Cause you'll turn cold
If I'm too slowly drinking you...

Sometimes I look at the empty cup
Imagining it being filled up to the top
With you, the one
Which I can't get enough of...

You bring peace
And stability
'Cause you're the unchanging element
In my daily routine...

For a reason
I don't know why
I know that you are
The coffee of my life...
You're the one thing that  I'm so **** addicted to....
12:02  in the night
and I miss the other 12:02-s
with you and Dylan’s blues
and no words sometimes
just with the drinks in which we were drowning, but we wouldn't let
each other die.

12:02 in the night
and I am trying to hold your voice somewhere
in the corner of my mind,
but it fades away with every second.
I'm trying to remember the way your left eye would smile
everytime after I’d kiss it,
the way you used to write my body down on random pieces of paper,
the nights in the bars,
the smoke of cigars,
the tissues on which we would write our love,
the morning coffee,
your body next to mine,
your dreams, my tears, your trains,
the station where I've waited for you
so many times,
the way your fingers would touch my skin,
the words,
the flowers,
your shirt covering my body in the morning,
your heart,
that night at the beach,
or the sunrises.
I'm trying to remember
the “you and I”,
the we

I'm trying to remember when did we give up
saving each other
from drowning to death.
Depression isn't feeling like nothing, it IS the nothing.
It's the nothing in the air,
the nothing in "good mornings" and "good nights".
It's the nothing in your life,
and it's the nothing that will be your death.

And you know there used to be something,
because you used to feel that something,
but now it's suddenly the nothing.
So was the something ever even there
or is the nothing waiting to be something?

And you panic,
because all you know now is the nothing.
And as you panic,
you fall further
into this nothing abyss.

And you don't feel dead,
but you certainly don't feel alive.
You're floating in the nothingness,
screaming for someone to somehow
pull you back into something.

But they can't,
because all they see are the somethings,
and all you have are the nothings.
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