Oh, long lost Melody,
Antagonize me with your cadence:
That song, dripping from the tip of my tongue
I know you- but not well enough to know how you went

How one moment we were finishing each other’s sentences
But then the very next- I never got the memo I guess-
We switched to syncopation as if I was just supposed to know
The things you loved about me would become my greatest downfall

How foolish was I to think a crescendo would lack a diminuendo
How much stupider was I to think I could still remain your friend though
For how could we have a song without our melody:
Those notes we no longer sing but still remain a part of me

As the itch I can’t scratch or the tip of my tongue-
The parts of me that realize there’s something that I must be missing..

And I’m still not sure how I would’ve better inveigled your affection:
If I would’ve been a little less like me
Or if I would’ve been a little more like him

And I’m certainly sure I could’ve come to a perfunctory conclusion by now if I were dealing with a dichotomy
But some things just aren’t that simple
And I guess if romance were rudimentary, I wouldn’t have spent my life whole life searching

And I sure would love to wonder why it’s inevitable that everyone who pronounces their attraction to me for my personality ends up leaving me in the dust for a cheap doppelgänger
But in order for me to wonder, I’d have to truly believe that my personality beckoned attraction..
Perhaps my insecurities have been the silent assailant of my dreams all along

I’m sure I could learn how to be strong and love myself
I’m sure that if I embraced rejection I could find someone who would give me a real chance
But I just don’t have that kind of strength in me today
And when every day is the same **** struggle, I really don’t know if I’ll ever truly have any “tomorrows”

It’s 3:09
And if everything was fine
Then I would be sound asleep by now wouldn’t I?

But just like my potential
I’ve ignored my sleep schedule
That I might collapse wide awake to ponder ”Why?”

I can only speculate it would be easier
If I never had embodied her personality
Cause in my attempt to appease her
I made her into a part of me

And maybe that was my first red flag:
That a mirror was my most alluring
        persona
If she was a spill then I was her rag
For I had no space within me for anything
        once she was soaked up

And I’m not saying I regret it
Allowing her laugh to ignite my soul
And though I’ve tried, I’ll never forget it
The best parts of her have made me whole

She made me courageous, flirtatious
She taught me the meaning of nobility
How to take every happy moment and
        own it
And how to truly appreciate my God-
        given abilities

Even though I made a handful of mistakes
Like that time I let my anger get the best of
        me
She loved me through my darkest days
And she forever cooled my temper’s heat

But perhaps the hardest thing to wrap my
        mind around is how-
How am I supposed to ever love someone
        else
When I can’t help but compare them to her
        even now
Don’t get me wrong I did this to myself

When I stole some parts of her
In order to create the best parts of me
How could anyone ever measure up
When I was literally made for her, you see

It’s harder than one might think
To ever imagine doing that again
Taking another’s personality
To create an even better me when-

She’s the greatest person I have ever met
        in my life
And after having spent 9 long years loving her
I really don’t understand how I can ever
        expect anyone else to simply be
           second best
When everyday the mirror reminds me of
        how I must live without her forever

There's times I think of her and want to burst into tears
Waist deep in nostalgia where I recollect the years
And strain myself to think upon just how far I've come
But the closer I get to her, the more she seem to drive me away.

Just when I think I'm able to see into her very soul
And find a meeting ground for her destiny and mine
Life becomes an intersection where there she dare decide:
Walls up, shut out, can't let anyone inside.

This recurring question keeps festering on my mind:
Who am I to her that she may cast me aside,
Throw me into the dust, and move on with her life
Without even hurting a little inside?

Everytime I gaze into her eyes,
A piece of me crumbles before her feet
And with her smile she stomps out the sparks of anything that had potential.

Every moment that passes by
I fear I lose more than just a best friend,
But parts of myself are locked into a box
And burried deep beneath the ocean of her eyes.

Where does one find rest when every hope has been slain,
Your body emptied of all its contents
Leaving nothing but tears and pain?

Do I raise a dagger with the intent to try and cut away
The parts of me that cannot live without my friend today?
Or tie a noose so I may hang to dry
The tears that soak my wrinkled shirt
Could I beckon death with an open hand to come and halt this hurt.

Or do I stay and watch from afar
As agony posses this cadaver,
Brings him back to life and forces him to trod bruised up this mountain we call life?