You cross my mind sometimes still
but you don't flood my thoughts.

I dont think about you in the
"it hurts to hear your name"
kind of way anymore

I think about you when it's late on Saturday
and you aren't laying in my bed
picking my brain

and then I think,

maybe that's a good thing.

Must my heart thirst for hunger?
This naked pain is my existence.
Every memory of you is becoming vague.
and, a monster I have become.

Throw me into the sea of melancholy.
Let me drown with this depression.
Color me with your favorite color,
And gray I will become.

These screams of my heart cannot be heard.
But this twinkling night is my escape.

Slowly, I am dancing in a burning forest.
This vibration called sorrow is approaching.

I am afraid, you will taste the cigarette in my mouth once we collide.

Forgive me,
For I was trying to avoid my pen.
But this thoughts of you will be the death of me.

Never have I felt so lonesome tonight.
Like a fallen prince, stranded in a desert.

I have worn this mask for so long.
Feast your beautiful eyes, as I rot away.

Come morning light,
Embrace me with great euphoria.
Save me from this agony.

Stay
I begged you
Till the words evaporated from my mouth
and the walls started to bleed
you told me that you wanted space,
and I would have given you the entire universe
but you were already gone
before I could say;
Stay.

The one thing I want the most
is to un-love you
yet the one thing I'm terrified of
is that gingerly, in degrees
then all of a sudden

all of a sudden

everything will evanesce
like the slanting rain
the hearts i draw
on fogged-up glass
faint pencil lines
on whitewashed stairs
crushed paper stars
i used to fold, alone,
with you

and i will be left
with the frightful emptiness
and i will be left
to fight my dependency on you
and i will be left

(we're locking eyes today and I have something to tell you)

*Don't Leave Me

What if I mess it up and you realise I'm not
"the one".

What if I break your heart and grind the fragments into a million tiny pieces?

What if I say goodbye only to realise that the word I was looking for was
"Stay".

What if you can't handle the pressure of being with someone so beautifully insane?

What if our differences tear us apart and we end a potential lifetime of laughter with
"Sorry".

What if every "what if" I have in my head destroys us before we even begun?

Your soft words sink me in ten directions
my soul comes pouring out of a broken hull
this is not a fairytale
unicorns and rainbows
happy endings
no
yours is a verse for forgiveness
piercing
unwelcome
cold as nuclear winter
bright as nuclear day
a quiet explosion in technicolor tragedy
my ears shatter
nerve endings free-fall
vividly ablaze
cherished moments fuse as one,
ten trillion endings per second
i flinch under the gravity of the situation,
a black hole lodges in my chest
never to leave again
sparkle and fade
no light escapes
sparkle and fade
this twisted love
this stardust field
abandoned
unwanted
betrayed.

We're still kids,
Don't you see?
I'm still sitting on the staircase,
Listening to you scream,
Waiting until it's safe to fall asleep.

My life has turned into moments on the staircase,
Heart tense,
Hands over my ears,
Biting back tears,
Wanting it to end.

3AM
3AM thoughts are not a thing of beauty.
3AM thoughts haunt you.
They do not care if you have school the next day.
They do not care if you have to wake up early the next day.
Hell, they do not care if you've stayed up the past week because of them.
3AM thoughts are romanticized.
They are not something you want.
They are not something you need.
They are not something you desire.
3AM thoughts chill you to the bone
They cause anxiety
They cause bad grades
They cause chaos
3AM thoughts cause tears.
They do not fill you with happiness
They do not fill you with hope
They do not fill you with future goals.
3AM thoughts haunt you
With "what ifs"
With "why wasn't I good enough"
With "will I ever be good enough"
3AM thoughts fill you with questions that will never be answered.
"What if I was skinnier"
"What if I was prettier"
"What did I do"
3AM thoughts are all about you.