Feeling positive
As i want to be away by my neagative

Feeling Cheerful
Even something forces me to dreadful

Feelind Good
As i'm forcing that i should..

I thought positive thinking would make me happy
So I was positive you were the one
Well we find out
Just thinking that someone is something
Doesn't make them be that thing

Well its not your fault

Maybe I haven't learned to be postive enough
Maybe I like to feel the bitter sting of disappointment
Maybe you were never really real to begin with
Maybe I just made you up
Maybe I hurt myself

I know it's not your fault

Past altered states tests postive and subtle
******* So and so's ­teeter Paleolithic après time puddles
And submit terrible philosp­hies
Ashy stubble ticks politics 
and sacrafice to peer approval ­sacralige
Test probably appears stable
Top patriarch's able sudde­nly to
Pop above submerged tables possibly
After, something tests­ patience awkwardly
Stumps tarot practioners and *** testers poor­ application sterily
Topology plain, astrology scorpio
Torpedo po­wer aptly strikes to pedal antlers sour
Take particular appointments
Stop testing plea­se apply sorted
Terror power and sexless torn pigs
afterhours pen­ and store tips, plow.
Alter simians testosterone, pow!
As scient­ists type papers about sexing tasteless past alligator snouts 
te­sting partly after science takes party alliance south to pawn arm­y 
subtle tipped passion. artsy.
Start these.
pick atoms smarmy
T­ally past all sentences take pride
As stencils test pestilence. A­nd sigh.
The previous alterations simply tried.
And didn't work, ­hence the present
Path lit incandescent.
I'm looking towards the ­east waiting for positivity to peak
You're turned backwards nosta­lgic for something that'll never come repeat.

I was asked
         
                 why don't you
                   write something
                                 positive?
postive,
positive?

maybe it's like
school,
it's hard to weave
interests into subjects
coincident not
of delight

a page is an unworn
white t-shirt
that i seem to stain
unrecognizable
when my pen
wipes it's fingers

and theres nothing
more to clean my
hands with

so i guess
why i don't write
positives a majority
of the time
is because when it rains
the ground doesn't
just decide to stay dry.

Don't say a word because it's written all over your face,
Far too long have you been stuck in this desolate place,
Its ok I know trust me I've been there before,
And all I use to do was knock on the door,
Wondering and waiting for anyone to answer,
Plagued by stress negativity was my cancer,
I don't regret a thing because the dark made me see the light,
And being wrong for so long helped me get my mind right,
The grip of depression isn't as tough as it appears,
You drive your own life so why don't you steer?
There is a way out just think postive and love,
Then suddenly comes a sign from above,
You are not a lost cause or a loser, never was,
I wish I was there now so i could give you a hug,
You try and you try and still you can't do,
Sometimes you can't believe this is really you,
Well I tell you it's not, relax and you're not alone,
We are all just trying to follow the bread crumbs home,
And you'll always beable to find a friend in me,
Your own true beauty is what I can't wait for you to see,
Don't give up yet I know you can find a way,
And just know I'll be here to help untill that faithful day!

L-O-V-E
Its a POWERFUL RELEASE
Its Gives HOPE, JOY and PEACE!
Its Can Move MOUNTAINS
It overflows from the purest Hearts like FOUNTAINS
Love is more than showing compassion.
Love is an action.
No its more like decision.
Love is The best form of a healthy nutrition.
When the perfect amount is given
Love is the most artistically talented musician.
Love is The best Physician
It gives the a nautural medicine without a Prescription
It treats the wounds of affliction
Love is the Antibiotic medication like Amoxicillin
It kills off bacterial infections and brings about the process of healing.
Love is more than just A sensational feeling.
Love is more than words in a form of an Expression
It Leaves a long lasting legacy of impression.

Today I will Give it
Spread it
Share it
Live it
Be An Example of it
L-O-V-E
Lets Manifest It!
1 John 3:18
Let us not love with word or talk, but in deed and truth!

Love you all Have a Postive day filled with Positivity, Prosperity & Love!

Did more than just flip the script
Threw it in the fire
Watched it burn
Told you I was down
To sing a brand new song
Hoped yall were willing to come along
All those dark thoughts
Watched them circle the drain
When I washed them away
And every inch of me has been cleaned
Prayers under starlit skies
Now I've pieced together this life
I'm ready to start again
Postive vibes, clearer mind
this life I'm living is finally mine

I'm happier now
dug out all the doubt
Feeling confident
in the decisions, I'm making
stopped all my body parts failing
My heart was shattered
and maybe it'll never truly be the same
But the blood is still pumping
Yeah it is still running
With a little care,
these emotions that were
locked here in my chest
Have been set free
And now that I can just be me
I know I'm right where I need to be
Living this life happily

Deserted wastelands
a mere memory for me
Try not to take too much time
Reminiscing of darker days
I find my self-basking in positive rays
The sunlight shines on my face
Feel the warmth in the form of a wave
The heat that hits my skin
Heats me up within
Where holes in my soul once laid
The stitched up scars now faded
I've been rejuvenated
The torment that taunted me inside
I've erased it
Memories cleared for new images
Now a rebooted system
Refreshed, I'm ready for new heights
I'm ready for new moments
To be captured through these eyes
Thinking all these positive thoughts
Now I can share all that I've been taught
All those battles I'd fought
now on display
In this museum filled with words
These are all the things I've learned
What it took to get here was earned
And well deserved

I'm happier now
dug out all the doubt
Feeling confident
in the decisions, I'm making
stopped all my body parts failing
My heart was shattered
and maybe it'll never truly be the same
But the blood is still pumping
Yeah it is still running
With a little care,
these emotions that were
locked here in my chest
Have been set free
And now that I can just be me
I know I'm right where  I need to be
Living this life happily

Cut everyone off
That was dragging me down
Less negativity in my life now
Sure it was a little lonely
But I found the ones that truly cared
And with a little help
They raised me up
To this place, this feels like home
Comfortable in this skin, I've been gifted
Only reminiscing about the times
That truly made me smile
Childhood friends,
Achievements that made me proud
And I've been writing better than ever
I can't be thrown from my throne
Got my rightful crown on
Armours strong, demons are gone.

I'm happier now
dug out all the doubt
Feeling confident
in the decisions, I'm making
stopped all my body parts failing
My heart was shattered
and maybe it'll never truly be the same
But the blood is still pumping
Yeah it is still running
With a little care,
these emotions that were
locked here in my chest
Have been set free
And now that I can just be me
I know I'm right where I need to be
Living this life happily

©2018 Written By Benji James

in this world i am no longer a person im a number
in school im known by 6 digits
to the government im known by 9
my birth name doesnt matter just the date and the time
to colleges and businesses i am just a risk with a high probabilty of failure
to the law im just a statistic on a page that proves their right about a certain race based on a percentage
to women , men are congruent because all we want is to divide and multiply from you a product of kids we wont raise, right?
and these imaginary numbers are suppose to tell me my maximum potential but based on the color of my skin its just a minimum projection
i dont care what you say the accuracy of these numbers is so far from true
im an algorithm too complex for any human to solve with numbers
my goals are at such a high altitude that not even a space shuttle could reach them
and when i find that one special woman that has been walking parallel to my life that has now become perpindicular so when we intersect we will walk the same line
and she will know that i am X divided by Zero ... undefined , that i can be irrational and impossilbe
but will understand if she tries to solve me with numbers she will crash into a median and find no solution
so life wont get better till we converse in a way that forms a postive correlation , till we start seeing each other as people instead of integers
till we subract the numbers from Algebra and start to form words from the letters
because thats what defines us WORDS ... not numbers

Unless i ask for your advice dont give me any. Because you only want to judge the life im living. Your opinion is yours so keep it to yourself. Unless i open up my mouth and ask you for your help. See you only want to know about me so you can gossip to your so called friends. Cant you see the devil has you trapped and dwelling  in sin. Well im here to speak the truth so this is where the gossip ends.  You are not my friend and i no longer wanna fit in. I dnt wanna hear about others if the postive is not within. See you fail to realize the one you call your friend is the one whos talking behind your back when your not around. Instead of talking me up your always talking me down.  You say your real you say your different your the homie for life.  But i see it different now kuz you talk behind my back and gossip was the knife. Im tryna make a change. But the more i hang around  you its as if you wanna keep me the same. I can not point the finger at you kuz im the one to blame. But that being said i see where i gotta change i gotta cut you off and end this gossip game!

"My Balance/Reflection"

Once I was an cancerous cell until he become my cure
So Raw and Pure
I Never knew A love like this before
He makes long for more.

He is my source of light that awaits me to shine his radiance upon my night just as the dawn adds the orangish yellow colors in the dazzling sky making me believe I'm a majestic bird that can fly
Feeling like a cloud floating so high

Don't awake me if I'm dreaming
You are giving my life a whole new meaning
Now I can even feel my heart beating
You resuscitated me, my life you have revived
I feel so alive

I have Breathed you in like oxygen
And just like that you became my addiction
That feeling of Rejection has been replaced with love and Affection
We did an Exchange of power
You became my strength and I became you weaknesses
No long am I a damsel in distress and you lay your head in between my chest as I put your fears and worry to rest.
Leaving behind the Burden
No more Hurting
No more searching

In eachothers arms we are The fortress  of our solitude
He's Calms my crazed mood
And my love Nourishes his inner being like grandmas Soul food.

In love with him did I just fall?
As I stare at him in awe
I am speechless for he's beyond what my mind could Fathom
He gives me Intellectual *******
As my heart palpitations from making my body have multiple spasms.
Its Like a bee to the skin his love stung
And His gentle touch make me utter a foreign tongue
Thats when I noticed I was Sprung.
And my heart knew he was the one.

Its like the universe connected with me thru silent communication As I gazed upon the constellation and God spoke to me in conversation.
Telling me of how he's going to send me a mate to increase my spiritual elevation and give me postive motivation thru my toughest situations.

Then clouds opened up to show the Stars have aligned
And I knew it was a sign
That you were meant to be mine
For he was Crafted so carefully to be my divine design

Our souls Did a heavenly tango as if you are my sun, and am I your earth constantly rotating around each other For a new day to be birthed.

You keep me on my toes like I'm a ballerina
Pirouetting thru life with elegance, poise, and grace
And an infectious smile upon my face
Almost as if its my passion instead of one of my many hidden talents.
You keep me from stumbling, you are my equilibrium, my balance.

I was just another lonely soul in a place of inperfection until I gazed into the mirror and I saw you as my reflection.
That completely changed my perception Showing me that even with my flaws to you I'm Perfection.

As I drank from your fountain of youth
I realize that You validate my naked truth
Just as Boaz did Ruth.
Let's be the evidence that love can't die because its bulletproof.

Its Pitch Black, so lonely and cold
There's not a single hand here to hold
Nobody Not Even A soul.
Stuck in the deep dark hole.
But I know My God is Still in Control.
As my head begins to pulsate thanks to my migraine Headache.
Just then I faint upon my intake.
Realzing I'm Unconscious, no longer am I awake
I can feel the firery hate in all the words that Everyone had once spake.
Spiteful words glide ****** my mind slithering like snake from behind.
Satans hoping that I might take the bait so he can unwind.
Feelings of being Mistreated and misused
Being Mentally, Physically, and Emotionally Abused.
The feeling of abandonement after being used
In desparate need of someone to talk to
Sinking without you......
I'm lost.... feeling hopeless.....
Lord I cant even begin to cope with this.
Help me to stay postive and gain back my focus.
Father please dont let my prayers Go unoticed.
Im suffering from this massive Heartache cant you feel my heart beginning to break with each breathe that I take.
But it was my Mistake.
Knowing I had Everything to lose at steak.
Now Im Experiencing my life shaking in an Earthquake.
Forgive me Lord I love you with all my heart and soul. Make me whole and console
I know that My God is still in Control.

I shed so many Tears
Especially within these past few Years
I have faced my biggest Fears.
Suddenly I hear 2 different wishpers in my ears.
Satan: "Girl, Can't you hear?“
God: "Have No Fear For I am Here!"
Satan:" You can't and won't Do this!"
God: In all Of This I am In the midst!
Satan: Throw in the Towel,Give up, Quit!
God: You have me and you Are fully equipped, My Child you can make it.
Because I didn't give up I didn't quit. I fought with grit of the holy spirit. And God protected me from Every blow and hit.
This is a spiritual battle From Within......
As Long as God Is on my Side Satan Can't And won't Win.

With depression you can't just think postive it doesn't work that way. Depression is there it never leaves, with depression you can't get ride of it. You can't just think happy trust me if it worked that it would be a blessing, but it doesnt. Thats why people with depression have to get help and take meds for it. That's why I need help and take meds it keeps away the bad thoughs. And F.Y.I its not an episode there is no such thing as a episode. Trust I would know. You don't understand what people go through when it comes with depression. We get bad though, and we wish it would go away, but it doesn't thats why we talk about it because it helps. I need help, I know I do because if I don't get help then i'll be scared for the rest of life. I used to hate being alone and now I can care less if I am alone or not. Thats what happens. Depression is a disorder which means you can't get rid of it. It stays with you forever.

And when someone is having an anxity or depression, don't just say "oh it will get better" "just think postive it helps" or "its just a phase it will go away". It is not something that you can just say it will be ok it will go away, or I'm fine nothing is wrong with me. Because that does not help.

Or if we say "i'm fine" it really means help me
Or if we say "I'm ok" It really means i'm broken
Or if we say "oh i'm not hungry" it means i'm giving up
or if we say "I'm tired" it really means I'm tired of everything and everyone

so listen to what I say and what I mean by it. If you hear me say I'm fine, I'm ok, I'm tired,or I'm not hungry. Then that's when you want to keep an eye on me, watch how I act and make sure i'm ok.

Sitting in a dark room late one night the young man slowly closed his eyes and pictured the essence of a ball of light that he could just barely identify through the cracks in time that allowed silence to take place and his mind to decide
if this was actually happening
When Elders and Shamans and Guides showed up, he waited for the whispers that they dropped in his cup to fill him up with hope and luck, for the times to come
Knowing the Soul has the only key
To the imagination of will power that creates passionately through rooted manifestation of thought and gracefully into the hands of Light
The boy had never felt so high
He leaned over and pulled out the spool of wire and an old set of pliers, his Father gave him
and when the glisten of the Danburite caught his young eye, his hands started to seep with excitement and suddenly, as if magically, he saw it

A coil wrapped around the structure of a square wire that was able, to hold a stone perfectly....
Holding on to the vibration of a small wire running loose,
and then,
Straightened
Tightening to the base so it can take the weight of the power of Within,
Strengthing the bond between which resonates out and which resonates in, our heartbeats... the blessing of postive intention from the hands of a friend, while it mends...

The heart of the young man, and thus every friend it is sent.

False paranoia I must learn to control,
spilting splinters placed within my mind.
Trying to latch on to every postive thought
creating a safe place for me to wonder.
But still smoked in illusion,
persuaded of problems that never existed.
Vicious trickster to myself,
convinced that something has to be wrong.
It made me blind to the problems that burden you,
not thinking twice of the things your going through.
Turning positivity into false negativity,
I can only offer my sincerest apologies.
Hoping my words can be enough,
for you to forgive my madness,
for us to talk again.
I want to be there for you,
For us to understand each other
creating an everlasting pocket of happiness.
For us to be able to talk about anything that troubles us,
to be there for one another when nobody else is around.
I wish not to ask to too much of you,
I wish not to control you,
I just long for your presence,
because I feel empty without it.

Have you ever felt so volatile
That you would beg God take your life Right here right now.
Struggling to stay postive but you just dont see how.
Life hits you with a Right hook, next a left hook, then shoots you 2 twice, pow pow.
Then you start Thinking to yourself, "Man Wow!"

As I look at my life I see nothing but shame and dishonor.
Father,
So many negative thoughts I Ponder
Then my mind begans to wonder.

Drowning in my own brain I became obstuct like i was sitting in the car, in the middle of a traffic jam, just stuck.
Down on my luck.
Fear and doubt would aggressively poke
And depression begun to grab me by my throat and I would violently choke.
In my tears i would soak because my wicked ways left me dead and broke.
I went astray, knowing that for my transgressions I would have to pay.
No matter what trials came my way.
I foughter harder and harder every day
So Finally I got on my kness confessingly  I begun to pray.
Because my Spiritual Corruption lead me on a path of destruction.
So my life had to be taken in an abduction So I could hear God clearly when he gave his reintroduction.
From then on, Living to serve God became my function.
The Father, The Son, And the Spirit and I became 1 supernatural junction.
Now Im a believer Under construction.

I've accepted the Conversion.
Because I Know he Exist For Certain.

Suddenly my life started changing.
Order took place as things started rearanging.
Like clay in the hands of a potter he started molding and shaping me.
Remaking me a version of authenticity!
I share his truth declaring it with audacity, as he helps me walk according to whom he has predestined me to be.
Like an athlete going through reconditioning
My spiritual man is quickening.
My soul begans to Awaken.
With each biblical reading I take in.
There is healing from within.
It so Intoxicating like a kiss to the skin.
Just being cleansed from sin leaves you feeling Invigorating.
Going through this modification Ive seen much alteration.
God has remove things with the process of elimination.
Just as a butterfly going through metamorphosis is lesson in grade school education so is a spiritual journey of Transformation.
I'm becoming believer In Formation!

A SERCHING SOUL...

How do I move forward, when I was told always to take a step back?
How do I break free, when my only view is through the crack...with in the walls?
How do I remain composed, when my minds racing on fast forward?
How do I relax within a crowd, that makes me feel so awkward?

How do I spread my wings, from within my dreams that set me free?
How do I find solice, when termoil calls for me?
How do I climb out again, from this hell that is my mind?
How do I find self peace, as my heart is pure and kind?

How can polar opposites, both live comfortably within me?
How can I douse hells fire, and set the devil free?
How can I protect others, when its a daily struggle to protect myself?
How do I keep this relevant, not left upon the shelf?

How can I quieten the voices, that lay within my mind?
how can two souls find inner peace, when quarreling within only one?
How do I find strength and power to keep postive scope?
How do I stay tranquil, when I've lost my only hope?

To these questions I cannot answer,for you I am so sorry.
But as you do please take life slow, try not to hurry.
'Cause when you find the answers, lifes usually close to an end.
But alone you are not,  find inner peace a friend.

A Flower
Will
Droop
Be In
The Shadows
Of Despair
At Times
Even Make
Despairful
Mistakes
But If
Someone
Were To
Change
Bring
Itself
Water
And Food
And Grow
From
Negativity
And
Shape
Into
Something
Postive
That Is
Me
I Was
Not
Born
Like
A God
I Am
Born
With
A Root
In
The Ground
I Am
Person
With
A Crack
In
My ***;
No One
Is Perfect
I Sure
As Hell
Wasn't Born
Like
Yesterday
I Hope
To Be
A Better
Someone
Tomorrow
Even It
Means
******* Up
Not
Every
Relationship,
Friendship,
Is Perfect
But The
Inperfection
We Look
Past
Makes Us
Greater
If We
CAN
Look Past
Each
Other
Faults
We Sure
As Hell
Can
Ride
In The
End
For
The Heart
Of Cupid's
Arrow
Is Sparked
By
Trust,
Faults,
Support,
Forgiveness,
A Bond
That Cannot
Be Broken
Until
The End
Even
In The
End,
We All
Die
But
Our Spirits
That We
Leave
In People's
Heart
DON'T
Fade
Away
They Do,
But
A Lighter
Is
A Spark
Is Always
There
Never Gone
Live
Is
A Hell
Of A
Run
From Where
We Have
Gone
Sorry
For
The Mistakes
I Look
At My
Shadows
That Reflect
The Moon
And Wonder
What
Are My
Faults?
What Do
See
In The
Flower
In My
Emotional
Point Of
View
~Paris Styron~

The fear increases with each passing day.
It’s weird that it has affected every part of me.
Like a fire.
Consuming everything and destroying it.
I’m not destroyed but broken.
Broken because I believe I can be repaired.
I believe that with time there will come someone or something that will take all my problems away.
An angel. A god’s send.
And this will cure my heart and all scars and repair the broken parts.
And I wait. I wait patiently trying to be postive.
And I wonder.
I wonder that why would He do this.
With tears in my eyes and people asking why?
I have no answer. I am clueless.
All I do now is pretend it doesnt affect me.
But it does. And I sigh and live.

Sometimes, I think I'm part of the unlucky one.
Least, when things don't go right.
Or the way that it should.

Yes, sometimes I wonder.
And I'm sure I 'm not the only one.
When it seems the bad gets the blessings.
And the good gets the passing.

Yes, sometimes I wonder.
If life's just a testing of inner strength.

To stay strong you must stay postive.
When you feel so much negative.

Sure, things are not as bad as it seems.
For, at the end of the day.
The light of hope will shine again.

Still, sometimes I wonder.
But I believe my blessings will come.
Even if I'm the only one believing it.

Am I missing something did I not get the position?
I have dedicated my Full attention.
Have I not given you my complete tuition with my scarfices and love as payment of admission.
I thought you were the musician and I was your composition.
Turns out you were just a magician with tricks secretly hidden.
You say you love me but after recognition
that statement is now judged with suspicion.
Because Love isnt based upon Condition.
How are we living together yet we are in divsion?
Unholy and sinning
Like a bad habit that you can't break its became a repetition.
Now I'm not trying to start an argument Because I can feel the tension,
But you forget to mention
if you are in my life on postive or negative mission.
Now maybe Im just fishing
And if I am the holy Spirit will bring me conviction,
But it seems I have to make a split decsion
That could bring me life like Vitamins are used in nutrition or prepare me for death like a mortician.
Now Thinking to my self in you I don't see a potential or a vision.
So I  Believe this is The ending of our expedition.
Because our love turn into a product of demolition
like 2 cars in an in an accident from a crash collision.
My Intuition is tell me to make this transition
To feel the void in My soul from what has been missing.
I am healing from within Because God is my Physician.
Feeling Free No longer an imate in Prison
For I am a Woman with ambition
I am rare, A limited Edition.

In My opinion You will never get the concept of Love's true definition.
If you did you would see love isn't based upon condition.

My desperate plea, would be for the hurting, and struggling to be healed.
My desperate plea is for my life as ugly as it is at times to be use to reveal you God.
For others to see Jesus working in my life, then turn to him as well.
Wanting him to use all their suffering and pain , turn it into something beautiful.
To have their life transform into something very postive and goopd.
To help even more to find the only Savior that can really save,
Thus having a good life not always in this life but in the next one.
Which is the one that really matters because the next is for eternity.

Maybe I'm a loser
Or maybe that's just a thought
Maybe 2017
Will stop me feeling nought
Maybe I'll achieve something
Something has to give
Maybe I'll be happy
Something new and more postive
Maybe there's a slow down
Of all the horrid things
Maybe I should see
What 2017 brings
Maybe I'm just moaning
Cause I'm quite good at that
Maybe I've missed the good
That's been pulled from the hat
Maybe I should say happy new year
And enjoy what the future throws
Maybe it's time to look forward
See what happens and how it goes

Happy thoughts are nice
Negative thoughts are lousy
Postive thoughts RULE :-)

So here’s a story about a boy
but not the usual boy story you’d expect.

This boy is the reason why I get upset
why I get angry
and why I don’t want to exist on this world anymore.

This boy has a negative soul
he treats people like trash
but yet
he gets what he wants.

This boy gets the attention
of the people I love
and not in a postive way.

This boy tries to be popular
tries to be cool
and would do anything to achieve that
even if it takes the whole world to burn.

This boy lives in happiness
which is sad
because he doesn’t know
boys like him
make this world
is a place where people
want to **** themselves.

This boy doesn’t deserve
the attention from the people I love
and they know they shouldn’t give it to him.
Yet they still do
because they cannot stand up for themselves.
Their principles.
Their future.

If you keep giving boys like this
the permission to do what they want
play with whoever they want.
Boys like this will be our leaders
our fathers
our teachers
the role models of the future.

Don’t give these boys the attention they want. Give them what they deserve.
Because they don’t deserve to be loved.
They deserve to feel what others feel
because of boys like him.
This boy.